Chapter Five
Connor's Pov
The days blurred into nights, each one colder than the last. Not because of the air, but because of her. Aria. She was here, in my Pack, but she might as well have been a world away.
I told myself it was better this way, that keeping my distance was the right thing to do. For her, for Valerian. But it didn’t stop the ache in my chest every time I saw her.
I avoided her as much as I could. Meetings were always brief, my tone clipped and neutral. If she was in the dining hall, I’d make sure I wasn’t. If she passed me in the corridors, I’d nod and move on. And yet, every stolen glance, every fleeting interaction, only deepened the hollow ache inside me.
The worst part was watching her with Noah. She was always with him, tending to his injuries, whispering things I couldn’t hear. I’d tell myself it didn’t matter, that I had no claim over her anymore. But when I saw her lay a hand on his shoulder or offer him a smile, my wolf snarled, clawing at the walls of my mind.
One morning, I found her near the training grounds. She was alone, sitting on a log, tying Valerian’s shoelaces. The boy sat patiently, his small face scrunched in concentration as if the task were of monumental importance. For a moment, I forgot myself.
“Need a hand?” I asked, stepping closer.
Her head snapped up, her expression guarded. “We’re fine.”
I hesitated, feeling the sting of her dismissal. My eyes drifted to Valerian, who looked at me curiously but said nothing. “He looks strong,” I said softly. “Take after you.”
She didn’t respond, her attention snapping back to her son. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go meet Noah.”
Noah. Always Noah.
That evening, I passed her room. The door was ajar, and I caught a glimpse of her sitting on the bed, Valerian asleep beside her. She was stroking his hair, her face etched with exhaustion and something deeper, pain.
For a moment, I wanted to step inside, to tell her I’d take care of everything, that she didn’t have to bear it all alone. But the memory of her coldness stopped me. Instead, I watched from the shadows, the sight of her breaking me in ways I couldn’t explain. She wasn't going to look at me anyways and the only reason she's staying is because of Noah. I guessed that's how much she loves him.
Days later, we crossed paths in the main hall. She was holding a basket of supplies, and I reached out instinctively.
“Let me help….”
“No,” she said sharply, her voice like a slap. “I can manage.”
Her eyes met mine, and for a second, I thought I saw something flicker there, regret, maybe? But then she turned away, leaving me standing there, clutching the air where the basket had been.
Jake approached, his usual smirk replaced with something resembling pity. “You’re torturing yourself, you know,” he said.
I didn’t respond. How could I explain the storm raging inside me?
The next time we spoke, it wasn’t by choice. A rogue attack on the southern border had left the Pack on high alert, and as Alpha, I needed to address everyone. Aria stood at the back of the gathering, her arms crossed, everything was off.
After the meeting, I found her in the courtyard.
“You should stay in the main house,” I said, keeping my tone even.
“I can take care of myself,” she replied without looking at me.
“Aria…”
“Don’t,” she interrupted, her voice trembling. “Don’t pretend you care now.”
Her words hit harder than any blow. “I’ve always cared,” I said, the truth slipping out before I could stop it.
She laughed bitterly. “You have a funny way of showing it.”
I thought about Valerian, his wide eyes, his shy smile. He was her entire world, and she wouldn’t let me near him. I couldn’t blame her.
And Noah… Was he really her partner? Was he the man she turned to when I wasn’t there? The thought twisted like a knife in my gut. But even if he wasn’t, it didn’t matter. She didn’t trust me. She didn’t want me.
“I can’t keep doing this,” I whispered to the empty room.
But even as I said it, I knew it was a lie.
The next morning, I saw her in the garden. She was helping Valerian with a wooden sword, her movements precise yet gentle. She looked up briefly, our eyes meeting across the distance. For a heartbeat, everything else faded away.
Then she turned back to her son, her focus unbroken.
I clenched my fists, swallowing the lump in my throat.
I had to let her go.
But watching her walk away, a part of me knew I never really would.
The days bled into one another, and I kept telling myself that distance was the only way to keep her safe. Aria. She haunted my thoughts, her presence like a shadow I couldn’t escape. I avoided her deliberately, creating a chasm between us that I hoped would dull the ache.
But it didn’t.
Every time I saw her, with Noah or with Valerian, the pain only sharpened. I told myself it didn’t matter, she wasn’t mine anymore. But no matter how many times I said it, my heart refused to listen.
And everytime our paths crossed, each like these next words, it always doesn't end well.
It happened one quiet afternoon. I’d been walking near the garden, keeping my distance as always, when I heard the sound of small feet padding toward me.
“Hi!”
I turned and saw him, Valerian. His dark hair framed a face so much like Aria’s, but his eyes… They were mine. Wide and bright, filled with curiosity.
“You’re the Alpha, right?” he asked, his voice high and innocent. Before I could answer, he tilted his head. “You’re really handsome. I've caught my mum staring at you a million times.”
For a moment, I couldn’t speak. His words, so pure, so unexpected, caught me completely off guard.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I said gruffly, taking a step back. “Your mother wouldn’t like it if she saw you talking to me.”
Valerian’s face fell, his lower lip trembling. “Why not? Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” I said quickly, my voice softening. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
He sniffled, his small hands rubbing at his eyes. The sight of him crying twisted something deep inside me. Before I could think better of it, I knelt down and rested a hand on his shoulder.
“It’s okay,” I murmured. “Don’t cry, alright?”
He looked up at me, his tears slowing. “Are you mad at me?”
“No,” I said again, shaking my head. “I could never be mad at you.”
For a moment, I let myself forget everything, who I was, who he was. I brushed a stray tear from his cheek, marveling at how small he was, how fragile.
But then reality came crashing back. This wasn’t my place.
“Come on,” I said, standing up and holding out my hand. “Let’s take you back to your mum.”
He took my hand without hesitation, his small fingers curling around mine. The warmth of his trust burned like a brand.
When we reached the guest apartment, I knocked once before pushing the door open. Aria was standing near the window, her back to us. She turned sharply when she heard us, her eyes immediately locking on Valerian.
“Valerian!” Her voice was filled relief and panic. She rushed forward, pulling him into her arms. “What were you doing?”
“He was with me,” I said before she could accuse him of wandering off.
Her gaze snapped to mine, her expression hard. “Why?”
“He found me,” I replied evenly, keeping my tone calm. “I brought him back to you.”
Her arms tightened around Valerian, and she took a step back, as if shielding him from me. “Thank you,” she said stiffly, her voice laced with distrust.
I nodded, saying nothing else. The distance between us felt insurmountable, like an invisible wall I’d never be able to cross.
Turning on my heel, I walked out of the room without looking back. But as I strode through the corridors, my mind was a storm of conflicting emotions.
I leaned against the cold stone wall outside, my fists clenched at my sides. The image of Valerian’s tear-streaked face and Aria’s protective glare wouldn’t leave me.
I’d thought I could distance myself, that I could force her out of my mind by avoiding her. But every encounter only made it worse.
The boy’s words echoed in my head.
“You’re really handsome.”
He didn’t understand what I was or what I’d done. To him, I was just someone strong, someone who could protect him. But I didn’t deserve his trust, or Aria’s.
I’d told myself I’d let her go, and also push her out of my life until she was nothing but a memory.
But would that ever really happen?
