Chapter 1 It’s For You

MADELINE

“Hey, babe, can we talk for a second?”

Madeline looked over from the dishes she’d only just finished washing to see James, her partner of ten years, standing nearby. She took in his gentle smile and green eyes that were flecked with brown, only visible when up close. His blond hair was cut short and fashionably styled; she always wanted to run her fingers through it but he disliked when she did. He was a serious man who wanted to give off a good impression, so looking put together was important.

He was a good looking, if she did say so herself. He was thin, though not overly fit — he didn’t have time to hit the gym very often but that had never been an issue for Madeline.

“What’s on your mind?,” she asked, unbothered by the phrasing used. Normally, when someone said they needed to talk, the conversation wouldn’t be a good one but, when James said it, he always followed it with exciting news.

The last time had been about getting promoted at work — including a huge raise and a lot more responsibility. The money would be worth it, though. If they worked hard to save as much as possible, within the next few years they’d be able to start the family they’d always wanted.

“Come and sit with me,” he gestured, reaching out his hand for her to take. She did as he requested, grasping his hand. He led her to the living room, where they sat on the sofa.

What would his news be this time, she wondered, eagerly waiting for him to tell her all about it. There’s no way he could have gotten another promotion so soon, right? Or maybe he was just that good at his job.

“Madeline…” he finally began, trailing off a bit before clearing his throat. “You know how much I love you, right?”

“Of course,” she giggled. What a silly question. How could she ever forget?

“That makes me happy to hear,” he told her with a warm smile. “Because lately, I’ve been thinking…” he trailed off a second time and Madeline was beginning to seriously wonder where he wanted to take this conversation.

Was he finally going to propose? She didn’t care that it was just the two of them in their living room, but he’d always talked about doing something grand when the time came.

“We’ve been together for quite a while now and it’s been really, really great. And one day we’ll get married, start a family, and everything you’ve ever wanted will be yours.”

It definitely sounded like this was going to turn into a marriage proposal. Madeline had to stamp down her excitement to avoid interrupting; he’d be annoyed if he wasn’t able to finish saying what he wanted to say.

“Recently I’ve begun to realize that, if I’m going to be the best husband, one who deserves to marry you, I need to get a lot more… experience.”

That… wasn’t a proposal. What did he mean by ‘experience’? Madeline was at a loss for words as she struggled to understand what he’d meant. “I don’t… understand,” she finally told him after an extended silence, a frown creasing her brow. “What do you mean by experience?” She felt so stupid, needing him to clarify what he’d said.

In response, he gave her an indulgent smile, and she returned it with a small one of her own. 

“Experience with women,” he explained. “Other women.”

Madeline felt like someone was squeezing her heart with their fist. It was difficult to breathe as she stared at the man she loved with every fibre of her being. “I-I… I don’t understand?” Was this his way of breaking up with her? It didn’t make any sense. He’d only just said he wanted to marry her, to. start a family with her… to give her everything she’d ever dreamed.

“Don’t overreact,” he chuckled, taking her hand in his again. “I will never, ever leave you, Madeline. Ever. I love you more than anything.”

Yes, that’s right. He loved her so much and she knew that. How had she so easily jumped to the worst possible conclusion?

“What I was thinking… is that we should open up our relationship.”

It now felt like she’d been doused in ice water. He wanted to open up their relationship? But… why? “You mean… you want to… to see other… women?”

James gave her a slow nod. “Yes, but, it’s for your benefit.”

How was him seeing other women going to benefit her? She couldn’t wrap her brain around any of this. Had he gone crazy? Was she going crazy?

“Babe,” he began, giving the hand he held a gentle squeeze. “Hear me out. We’re each other’s firsts; there’s no way I can keep pleasing you if I don’t get more experience, and that means I need to be with other women.”

That couldn’t be how it worked… could it? Madeline’s brain had frozen in shock as she wrestled with the surge of emotions that threatened to take over. “Why can’t we just try new things together?,” she heard herself ask but it sounded like it came from far away.

James let out a low chuckle, as though she’d said something endearing. “That’s not how it works. If I want to try new things, I need an experienced partner to teach me. Once I have it all figured out, I’ll be able to teach you.”

Oh. She guessed that made sense. Kinda. “So… you want to… date other women?”

“No, no,” he assured her, shaking his head vehemently. “I’m one hundred percent not interested in finding another relationship. I have you, after all. I don’t want someone else to love, because you deserve to keep it all for yourself. This is purely about sex, nothing else.”

But hadn’t he always told her that sex without love wasn’t worth having? James had always scoffed at people who had one night stands, calling them names for giving it away so easily. She had never seen an issue with it — people had needs — but James had always been so vehemently opposed to it.

Had something changed? Was she no longer enough for him? She did everything he wanted in the bedroom, without question, though he rarely asked to switch things up. She always made sure he was satisfied even if it meant she wasn’t; it was a small price to pay.

“I understand this is a hard thing for you to hear,” he continued, as if he’d taken note of her inner struggle. “I don’t want to pressure you into this just to make me happy. I need you to understand that I’m doing this for you, not me. Our current sex life is…,” he trailed off, averting his gaze.

Madeline felt her heart sink. So she really was no longer enough. She had noticed their intimacy had been lacking these past few months but figured it was because of the stress that came with his recent promotion. Had she actually been the reason? What had changed? She did everything he asked!

She went to the gym every day, ate healthy, made sure everything at home was taken care of, all so he could relax the moment he stepped through the door. She even let him choose the style of clothes she wore, as he was very particular about how his partner should look and present herself. None of that was an issue for Madeline and had gladly done everything asked because she loved him with everything she had.

“Anyway,” he said, clearing his throat a second time. “All I’m saying is, please think about it. Right now, I know it probably feels like I dropped a bombshell so you should sleep on it. You’ll see that this will pay off in the long run and make our relationship even stronger.”

If she said no… would he leave? She couldn’t let that happen. He was her entire world. Without James, she would be lost. There was no way she could take care of herself without him by her side.

“You promise?,” she found herself asking in a small voice.

“Of course,” he assured Madeline, giving her hand another squeeze. “I promise. You’ll see that, after I get the experience I’m looking for, the person who’ll benefit the most from all of it will be you, babe.”

Madeline stared at their hands, clasped together, and tried to ignore the nausea that churned in her gut. She could do this, she told herself. This was for James and, for him, she would do anything. A moment later she found herself nodding. “Okay.”

He looked surprised by her answer but then gave her the biggest, brightest smile in his arsenal. Seeing it, she couldn’t help but give a small one of her own. “You are the absolute best,” he told her, pulling her in to a crushing hug.

With his arms wrapped around her, the rest of the world seemed to melt away. Here, in this moment, it was just the two of them. This was her safe place, where nothing could hurt her. She snuggled against his chest as he kissed the top of her head. “I love you,” she whispered, hoping she didn’t sound as pitiful as she felt.

“Love you too,” he replied, voice giddy. He held her just a bit longer before letting go. “You won’t regret this, Madeline. This is the start of a new chapter for us and it’ll be the best chapter yet — just wait.”