Chapter 175

Ella

Sinclair kisses me until I forget my anger and regret, until I forget why I was upset and how terribly I acted. He kisses me until I forget this is a dream, or that there has ever been a world beyond this enchanted forest. Only when my mind is so fogged with wanting that I can no longer think, and my body has been reduced to one giant tangle of quivering nerves, does he relent. He stretches out beside me on the bed, propped on his elbow and gazing down at me with languid desire.

“I missed you, mate.” Sinclair tells me, idly caressing my belly. I can tell he’s channeling our unborn son’s feelings through their bond, because I can feel their mutual happiness to be together. The baby flutters, and Sinclair clucks good-naturedly, “Someone’s up past their bedtime. Hello sweet pup.”

“I missed you too.” I answer, turning my face towards his arm and nuzzling the bulging muscle. I want to be closer, I’m craving the comfort of being wrapped up in his embrace so badly. Still, he’s already kissed me senseless, I know it’s only fair to share him with our son. “We both did. How is the trip?”

“So far, so good.” He shares, still watching me intently. “We made it all the way to the border with the Frostfang territory. There’s another day of driving before we reach the capital, but Gabriel has made all the arrangements with their Alpha, so they know we’re coming.”

“Good.” I breathe, trying to imagine what his journey might have looked like. My guess is that he and Hugo had their noses glued to their computer screens the entire drive, not letting a single opportunity to work go to waste. “Did you get to take in any of the scenery on the way?

“Not really.” Sinclair replies, confirming my suspicions. I know he can sense my avid interest, and a moment later he adds, “I’m saving it to see with you. One day when this is all over we’ll come back to Vanara with Rafe. We can visit the territories together, just for fun.”

“I’d like that.” I smile.

“How about your day?” Sinclair inquires next, “Do you want to tell me why it was so long and busy?”

He asks it as a question, but I know not answering isn’t really an option. “Just a lot of little things piling up. I might have pushed myself too hard,” I admit, “I just felt so terrible after meeting with Gabriel, Roger and Henry this morning that I wanted to make sure I pulled my weight.”

“So you’ve been sitting with these feelings all day.” Sinclair assesses, clearly wondering why I didn’t reach out to him sooner. I expect him to ask, but instead he trails a finger down my cheek. “You’re starting to make a habit of dream confessions.” He observes, and I know he’s seen straight through me.

“I think they feel safer than reality,” I admit, unable to lift my eyes to his. “I know my fears aren’t based in logic, but they’re still there.”

“I know.” Sinclair assures me tenderly, “And you can always tell me these things in dreams if you can’t face them in the real world yet. Just remember that I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re never getting rid of me Ella – even if you want to.”

“I don’t.” I smile shyly. “I won’t ever.” Although, even as I make this promise I recall how determined I was to push my mate away only yesterday.

“Mmm,” He purrs, reading my remorseful expression. “How’s the guilt?”

“Still there.” I acknowledge contritely. “I know you aren’t angry but I’m mad at myself. I’m ashamed of how I behaved. I don’t know how to make it go away, but I also think maybe I shouldn’t try to— its not a mistake I want to repeat, and if I carry it with me maybe I won’t.”

“Forgiving yourself isn’t the same as forgetting, Ella. I know you won’t forget, but carrying this guilt is only going to haunt you and that isn’t good for anyone. Let me help you, baby.” He offers, and for once there is no dark promise or desire in his voice, only honest inquiry. “How?” I inquire, still feeling lost.

“You asked me to hold you accountable, I can still do that – as long as you remember that it’s your will and not mine.” Sinclair replies.

I nod, powerfully craving the release of my self-imposed shackles.

“Alright then, trouble – what’s it to be? The stocks? The dungeons?” He teases, stroking my side. “Name your penance.”

I think about it for a moment, trying to decide how to make this up to him. My mind returns to my ideas for a romantic night in – the plans that went awry when Sinclair ended up telling me his decision about this journey. I still want to show him my love and gratitude, I just don’t think it should benefit us both anymore. “I think I should have to pleasure you all night and get nothing in return.” I suggest, blurting the words out in a rush and blushing scarlet.

“Are you suggesting I neglect my mate?” Sinclair rumbles, his hand tightening on my waist.

“I just don’t think I deserve to be rewarded.” I shrug, uncertain now. “I think it’s fitting that you get to have fun while I practice restraint.”

“Well I don’t believe in punishments without rewards, little wolf.” Sinclair declares imperiously. “The reward is how I show you that no matter what happens or how badly we disagree, we make our amends and come back together as mates.”

“And here I thought you were just a sex fiend.” I joke, narrowing my eyes as I think of another explanation for this rule. “Are you sure you don’t just want to get laid?”

Sinclair’s wolf flashes in his eyes, “I’m telling you the same truth I would at any other time. But if this is about a wrong you feel you’ve committed against me, isn’t it more fitting that I should get to choose my restitution, even and especially when you don’t like it?”

I purse my lips, unsure of how to answer. He did tell me to name my penance, but I can also see the logic in his words. “And more importantly,” He continues, taking advantage of my silence, “I didn’t realize your definition of pleasuring me meant I wouldn’t get to make love to you. Do you really think I can’t rut your sweet pussy without making you come? Do you believe there is no skill required or do you just find me so irresistible that simply having me inside of you is enough to drive you wild?”

His wolf is sending me flashes of pure playfulness, and I know he’s baiting me— inviting me to either insult his skill or deny my attraction to him. There are no right answers, but I’m not completely helpless in such games. Feeling a spark of deviousness and more than a little excitement, I offer Sinclair an arch look. “I suppose we can’t really know unless we try…”

Sinclair emits a growling chuckle, leaning down to kiss me. I stop him at the last moment, pressing my palm to his chest, “Wait.” I intervene, a new question rising to the forefront of my mind. He pulls back, looking thoroughly unamused, but I press on.

“When I was spiraling earlier, and you let me feel your power… I’ve never felt it so strong.” I express, shivering at the very memory.

“You needed more today to regain your balance.” Sinclair answers simply, and I get what he’s saying. I was so off kilter I needed a massive dose of his power, to feel his control deep in my bones.

“But why do you hold back your power that way at all?” I clarify, needing to understand.

“Because if I walked around just letting it pour out of me that way I would terrify people. Most wolves are crushed under the weight of it so completely that they shut down.” He explains, an emotion I can’t quite place flitting across his features. “You are an exception. Not even Lydia could handle it and we were fated… I think you must come from a very strong bloodline.”

“Isn’t it difficult to always be holding it back? It must be such a relief to let it out.” I surmise, ignoring his words about my ancestry.

“It is. There’s no better way to let off steam.” He reveals, eyeing me curiously. “Why?”

“I think I liked it.” I reveal shyly. “It was overwhelming yes, but also like I was seeing all of you for the first time, and I miss it now it’s gone.” Peeking up at him from beneath my lashes, I add, “I want all of you, Dominic. Especially when we’re together this way.”

He purrs in approval, “are you sure? You may be biting off more than you can chew little wolf. You weren’t feeling everything before- though it was close.”

“I’m not some feeble human anymore.” I remind him with a soft smile, “and you love me at my best and worst, my strongest and weakest points. Now it’s my turn to love you at yours. I can take it.”

Sinclair shakes his head in exasperation, “I should have known you were going to do this to me.”

“What?” I blink, suddenly worried I’ve done something wrong.

“Wait until I’m hundreds of miles away to do the impossible and make me fall even more in love with you than I already was.” He accuses, sounding genuinely frustrated. “You've got some nerve, trouble. How am I supposed to go the next few weeks without seeing you in person now?”

My heart melts despite his fierce tone, and I can only beam. “You can start by giving me what I want and be a selfish lover for once.”

He narrows his eyes at me, a predatory gleam in his brilliant irises. All of a sudden his full, aww-inspiring power rushes forth like water from a breaking dam, and I’m engulfed before I can even think of bracing myself. As it washes over me, I can only gasp as my heart beats a violent tattoo against my ribs. Cupping my cheek in his large hand, Sinclair turns my wide eyes up to his face, and I know I’m done calling the shots here. “Like hell I can.”

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