Chapter 2 I wish I hadn't survived

I walked out of the healer’s chamber with legs that didn’t even feel like they belonged to me.

Every step was heavy, like the ground was trying to pull me under. The healer had said I needed rest, that my body hadn’t fully recovered from the rejection shock.

But how do you recover from something that doesn’t end? From something that keeps pounding in your chest like a heartbeat that isn’t yours anymore?

The morning air was cold when it brushed against my skin, and I pulled my cloak tighter around myself. The pack grounds were quiet, but I could feel eyes on me. Not directly. No one dared to stare openly.

But I felt it behind windows, from shadows, whispers hiding behind closed doors. That’s the girl the Alpha rejected. Did you see how she collapsed? Maybe she deserved it. I kept walking. I didn’t look at anyone. I didn’t greet anyone, I just wanted to get home… to somewhere silent, somewhere I could fall apart without an audience. The path to my cottage felt longer than usual.

My chest still ached, a dull stabbing pain that worsened every time I breathed too deeply. It wasn’t supposed to hurt this much after a rejection. I had heard rumors of what it felt like, how the mate bond snaps like a thread pulled too hard. But this… this was different. It still clung to me, like a chain left unbroken. His scent still lingered somewhere in the back of my mind—pine, smoke, rain. I hated that I noticed. I hated that I cared. I reached my door and pushed it open. The familiar creak echoed in the silence of the small room. My home was simple bed, table, worn-out wardrobe. Nothing special. Nothing royal. Nothing worthy of an Alpha’s mate… or his rejection. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. Finally, I allowed myself to breathe. Bad idea. Pain erupted in my chest again sharp, hot, cruel. I pressed a hand over my heart and sank slowly to the floor. I didn’t cry. Not yet. Crying felt like surrender, and I wasn’t ready to surrender to this pain. Not when my mind kept replaying yesterday. His eyes. His voice. Those words.

I, Alpha Xander of the Bloodmoon Pack, reject you as my mate. The memory slammed into me like a blade, and this time, a broken sound escaped my lips. I curled my knees to my chest, fingers trembling. I could still see the faces of the pack members, their shock, their pity, some even smiling like they were glad it wasn’t them. And him. He had stood there, tall, emotionless, as if I meant nothing. As if fate had made a mistake, and he was just correcting it. And the worst part? I felt it. I felt the bond tear inside me. I felt something inside me go quiet… and then scream. I don’t know how long I stayed on the floor. Minutes. Hours. Time felt strange. My head grew heavy, and my vision blurred not from tears, but from exhaustion. The healer’s herbs were wearing off. The pain was returning fully. I pushed myself up and stumbled toward the bed.

I didn’t bother to take off my shoes. I just collapsed onto the thin mattress and stared at the ceiling. I thought sleep would come. It didn’t. Instead, I saw flashes of his face, voice and His silver eyes looking at me like I was nothing. My heart started racing again, this time around it was faster and faster. My fingers went numb. I clutched the blanket, gasping. Why does it still hurt? Why am I still connected to him?

The bond should’ve broken. I should feel empty, not bound. I pressed my eyes shut. I wish I hadn’t survived that moment. Because surviving meant feeling everything he walked away from. Surviving meant hearing the bond weep inside me, refusing to die. Surviving meant remembering his voice every time the wind blew. I turned to my side and whispered into the silence,

“Why didn’t you just let me die?” The room didn’t answer. But the pain did slow, echoing, alive inside me. And I realized something terrifying. This wasn’t just rejection. This was something darker. Something I didn’t understand. And it wasn’t over.

I couldn't believe it was morning already and light spilled through the thin curtains, soft and golden, but it felt too bright for the way my chest ached. I blinked my eyes open slowly. For a heartbeat, I forgot. For a heartbeat, I was just waking up in my bed like any other day. Then it hit me. His voice. His rejection.

The pain sucked in a sharp breath and the movement sent a dull sting across my ribs and arms. The bruises from when I collapsed still burned beneath my skin. I tried to sit up. My muscles protested, a reminder of how violently my body reacted to the bond breaking. I placed my feet on the cold floor but couldn’t bring myself to stand. My room was quiet, almost peaceful, but nothing inside me felt calm. My throat tightened. I wrapped my arms around myself and just sat there. Maybe I should get up or even wash my face, pretend I’m fine, act normal. But how do you start a day when your whole life ended the night before. A gentle knock came at the door before it opened slowly. My mother stepped inside, her voice soft. “You’re awake.” I didn’t look at her. I didn’t trust my voice yet. She walked closer and knelt beside the bed, her hand hovering like she wanted to touch me but was scared I might break. “How are you feeling?” I let out a small breath. “I’m fine.” The lie tasted bitter. She noticed the way I held my side, the wince I couldn’t hide. “You’re still hurting,” she said quietly. Her eyes were filled with worry, and something else helplessness.

I hated that she had to see me like this. “It’s not that bad,” I whispered. She brushed a strand of hair from my face. “You don’t have to be strong right now.” I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to cry. Not in front of her. But the memories wouldn’t stop replaying the crowd, his voice, the pain that tore through me. “Mom,” I said, my voice breaking for the first time, “why did I survive that.” She froze. Her lips parted slightly like she wasn’t expecting me to say that. She sat beside me on the bed and pulled me gently into her arms. I didn’t resist. I rested my head on her shoulder, careful of the bruises along my back. “Don’t say that,” she whispered. “You’re alive because you’re meant to be. The Moon Goddess kept you here for a reason.” I closed my eyes, my fingers clutching the fabric of her dress. “He looked at me like I was nothing. Like I was a mistake.” I felt my mother’s arms tightened around me. “He’s the one who’s blind, not you.” The house was quiet. Outside, I could hear young wolves training in the distance, like the world didn’t just shatter. My world did. And now, morning had come… and I had to learn how to breathe and survive in it.