Chapter 192

I just stare at Frankie, completely shocked. Because, I mean, I knew that he knew about the emails that I wrote to Christian all the time – and I knew that he knew about “Daisy” - but really? The whole time he knew about…me?

All about me?

“What – what are you talking about?” I ask under my breath, needing more information.

“It happened in a hotel,” Frankie murmurs. “We were along on one of Christian’s dad’s jobs – just some…deal, nothing violent. And we were bored as hell, just stuck in this hotel room – the three of us, as always. We were messing around on our phones, playing games, and Christian was looking at his computer and just had this…smile on his face.”

Frankie’s eyes go unfocused as he remembers and I sit very still, watching the changing shapes of his face.

“Nico teased him, of course,” he continues with a shrug. “But Christian was really evasive about it – more than he usually is, just…making jokes up about what was making him smile like that, really not telling us. Nico gave up, and I pretended to, but when Chris went to the bathroom I went to his computer.”

He shrugs, blinking and coming back to our current moment and looking down into my eyes. “I opened his email and read the first Daisy letter I saw.”

“Which one was it?”

“Nothing big,” he says, giving another shrug, a bit unable to keep the smile from tugging at the corner of his lips. “You…went to a park that day, fed some ducks, and then you got in trouble because you used the ‘good bread’? The stuff your mom was saving for sandwiches the next day.”

“Oh my god!” I say, laughing and slapping my hands over my mouth, staring at him. “I remember that! She was so pissed!”

“I know,” he says, laughing with me and leaning forward a little, tugging me closer against him. Despite myself, I snuggle closer too. “You were so torn – but I remember thinking that it was so…cool, and funny, that you kind of…went off in the email about how the ducks needed the bread more than you, and you didn’t want them to starve all winter long, and you’d give up all your lunches for the next month if it meant they’d have something to eat.”

“God, I was so idealistic,” I murmur, covering my eyes as I laugh at the memory, a little embarrassed. “As if the ducks really weren’t going to survive if they didn’t get my stupid Wonder Bread.”

“You were very sweet,” he sighs. “And honestly, Bambi, nothing much has changed. You’re still…taking care of us like we’re all your little ducklings.”

I sigh, dropping my hand from my face, still feeling foolish but pleased he sees some merit in that. “So, what?” I ask. “Did you just – keep stealing his computer then, checking the emails as they came in?”

“No,” he says, smirking a bit, a classic Frankie expression that makes me grin. “I immediately forwarded all emails that came to him from you to my email address as well, both past and future. But I did it in a way that Christian couldn’t see – the code…hidden a bit.”

“Computer wiz?” I ask, eyebrow raised.

“Bored teenager,” he returns, giving me a wink. “It’s easier than you think. But yeah, I went through the backlog that night and read everything else that you wrote to him, and then…over the next like…decade. I read them all. It was amazing, Iris, I –“ he laughs now, looking away from me a bit, “I…kind of started to pretend that you were writing to me. It felt that way, kind of – the way they’d show up in my inbox, and I’d get all excited that they were there.”

“You could have replied,” I say softly, still smiling as I watch him be all bashful.

“Oh, that wouldn’t have been creepy at all,” he says, rolling his eyes and then returning his gaze to me, making me laugh. “Hi, my name is Frank, I’m your childhood best friend’s mafia lackey, training to be his hitman! I read the private emails you send to him, I think you’re cool!”

“Awww,” I say, laughing again, “teenage Frankie sounds so friendly.”

“No, he was shy,” Frank says with a short laugh and a long sigh. “But…big fan of yours. And then the reality of you, when we found out it was you that Christian brought home from that club?”

Frankie puffs out his cheeks and shakes his head in wonder.

“What?” I whisper, tickled and a little intrigued.

“It was like…meeting a celebrity. Or a ghost.”

“Celebrity ghost,” I murmur, nodding, kind of liking the ideas.

“Girl I’d been thinking about for a decade,” he murmurs, lifting a hand to softly stroke my cheek. “Who I…never really thought could be real.”

“Did I live up to the hype?” I ask, grinning, a little anxious.

“When I found out you were stretching the truth and that you were a stripper instead of a ballerina?” he groans, tilting his head back dramatically, running a hand down over his face. “It was…the best thing I’d ever heard.”

“No way!” I shout, laughing, giving him a little shove. “But Daisy was so pure! There’s no way that was good news.”

“Amazing news,” he says, tilting his head back to grin at me. “Made you so much more real.”

“Yeah, well,” I say with a little sigh. “I’m glad you’re real too.”

“So, you don’t mind?” he asks, narrowing his eyes at me, trying to see through to what I really think. “That I…completely broke Christian’s trust and yours and secretly read a decade of emails you wrote just for him?”

“I mean, they weren’t anything intimate, Frank –“

“Excuse me, I know the entire details of your summer camp woes when you were seventeen – every single crush you had on all the other counselors. And believe me when I said I dreamed about beating the crap out of all of them for overlooking you.”

“Oh, gross, forget all of that,” I say, giving him a shove even as I laugh because…that was a very dramatic summer, full of heartbreak for me.

Frankie laughs with me, wrinkling his nose as he, too, remembers.

“But no,” I say after a minute, studying his face and smiling. “I don’t mind. I didn’t think anyone was reading the emails, if I’m being honest – I assumed that Christian…left behind that email account a long time ago. So, I mostly wrote them mostly for myself after the first year or so. And if they brought you joy?” I shrug. “Then…all the better.”

“A great deal of joy, Bambi,” Frankie murmurs, pulling me closer and pressing a kiss to the top of my head as I rest myself completely against him, pillowing my cheek against his chest and stretching out a bit. “I think you…may have saved my life a couple of times, as dramatic as it sounds.”

“Well,” I say softly, yawning lightly. “Consider the favor returned, now.”

He hums lightly, settling back against the packages behind him, gathering me closer.

And then, quite cozy – even in the front of a freezing cargo plane – Frankie and I fall silent.

And eventually I fall asleep listening to the sound of his heart in his chest, feeling the soft rise of his breath against my cheek.