Chapter 28

I fall asleep on the couch later, after I finish placing all my orders and giving Christian’s credit card one hell of a workout. Frankie and Nico pretend not to notice that I’m unwilling to go back to my room, letting me curl up on the couch under the little grey throw-blanket. I don’t talk to them about it, but I want to see Christian when he comes home. Not because I want to resume our fight but…

Well, just to see him, I guess. To assure myself that he’s okay, that he, too, has cooled down.

I wake up the minute that the door opens again, of course – I was waiting for it, even while unconscious.

Nico, apparently, was waiting too.

“What the hell, Christian!?” he whisper-hisses, jumping up from the couch where I’m still curled up under my little blanket and Frankie is genuinely asleep, his mouth hanging open and his head resting back against the cushions. “What are you thinking, storming out of here, unguarded!?”

“It was fine, Nico,” I hear Christian’s deep voice grumble. “I’m back in one piece, aren’t I?”

“It was an unnecessary risk! You could have been –“

“I wasn’t,” Christian snaps, as if that’s the end of it. I hear his heavy footsteps moving towards his room, but Nico isn’t finished yet.

“Even taking you out of it, cousin? Do you know what would have happened to me, to Frankie, to that girl if anything had happened to you!?” I look up towards the room to Christian’s door, where I can see Nico and Christian’s shadows close together, still fighting in hushed tones.

Christian sighs, deep and exhausted. “Fine,” he says. “I won’t do it again, all right?”

“You cannot let that girl get you riled up! She’s –“

“Would you shut your mouth?” Christian snaps, gesturing over towards the couch where I’m curled up.

“What?” Nico says, his head turning towards me. “What does it matter? She’s asleep.”

“No,” Christian sighs, turning away. “She’s not.”

Nico starts and then turns to me again as I sit up, any ploy I had about pretending to sleep so I could eavesdrop clearly already blown. As Christian flicks on the light to his room and heads inside, Nico sighs, shaking his head at me. But my attention isn’t on him at all.

Instead, I focus singularly on Christian’s collar, stained at the edge by a smudge of pink lipstick.

My mouth falls open even as my eyes narrow.

But then the door shuts, and we’re left in darkness and silence again.

Nico just sighs, and I barely can see him put his hands on his hips. “If you’re not going to use the bedroom tonight, Iris, I will,” he says, frustrated and exhausted.

I don’t say anything, but I get up, wrapping the little throw blanket around my shoulders as I do. I walk past Nico on my way to my room, but he doesn’t try to stop me. Instead, he just moves towards his usual place on the couch as I make my way down the hall, turning into my room and pressing the door shut behind me.

And then I go to bed, laying my head down on my pillow and staring out at the city below, wondering why I’m so devastated by all of this.

Wondering where he went.

Wondering where she is, the girl he visited.

And what she has that I don’t.

The next morning I’m awoken by a quiet knock on my door. I sit up in bed, rubbing my eyes, still kind of trying to figure out what’s going on when the knock comes again.

“Come in,” I call out, my voice croaking with sleepiness.

There’s a pause, and then the handle turns, and I find that I’m not surprised to see Christian standing there, fully dressed and ready for his day.

We stare at each other for a long moment and then I sigh, pulling the blankets up around me, a little cold. “Do you ever sleep?”

He stares at me for a further second before a little smirk pulls at the side of his mouth. “No,” he replies, shaking his head. “Not really.”

“Sucks for you,” I mutter, falling back against my pillows and turning my back to him, scowling, still a little pissed about everything that happened last night.

I hear Christian come into the room then, closing the door softly behind him and walking around to the side of the bed where I’m lying. I watch silently as he sits on the edge, looking out the window with his elbows resting on his knees. I watch him quietly, taking in the long, straight lines of him, the frustrated tension in the way that he presses his hands together.

“I’m sorry, Iris,” he says, soft.

I just lay still quietly until he turns to look at me, frowning a little.

We again just stare at each other.

“Did you…not hear me?” he asks, a touch of frustration in his tone now.

“Oh, I heard you,” I say, raising my eyebrows. “I’m just waiting for you to continue and elaborate.”

Christian’s mouth pops open a little in surprise before he huffs a laugh and shakes his head, looking back towards the window. “If you knew how rare an apology is from me, Iris, I think you wouldn’t be so eager to press your luck right now.”

“Just because everyone else is content to fall at your feet and let you boss them around, Christian, doesn’t mean that I am.” I sit up now, pleased that he’s willing to talk and honestly ready to meet him halfway. “I’m sorry too, though. I…I stand by what I said but…I went too far.”

“It’s okay,” he murmurs, still not looking at me even as I drop my legs over the side of the bed, sitting next to him. “We both lost our tempers. It is…not easy, is it? Being back in each others’ lives.”

“I don’t think it’s us that’s the problem, Chris,” I murmur, staring out at the gorgeous city laid out for us in the morning light. “I think it’s this world we find ourselves in that’s the problem.”

I feel him nod next to me, agreeing. “Listen, I’ll…I’ll try, all right? To loosen up the rules here, to give you more freedom. But right now you cannot fight me on this – I’m already getting enough from Nico, and my dad, and…several other sources…” he sighs, putting his face in his hands and shaking his head.

I can’t help it – my anger fades from me immediately. I put a hand on his back and rub in what I hope are comforting circles. “Okay,” I say softly, nodding even though he can’t see me. “But please do try, Christian. It’s…I will go insane, sitting here all day watching TV. You understand that, don’t you? I need…a life.”

He nods, exhaling a long breath before dragging his hands down his face and turning to look at me. “Nico told me you got a new hobby. Spending all my money?”

I smirk, keeping my hand on his back. “Well, a girl’s gotta do something.” He laughs a little, shaking his head at me. “Plus, you’re going to benefit from it! I promise! You’re not mad about the money, are you?”

“No, Iris, I’m not mad,” he sighs, shaking his head. “Spend whatever you want. But…” he hesitates now and my hand stops rubbing his back, sensing that something is up.

“Iris,” Christian continues, looking at me seriously now. “You need to make a decision. About Steven.”

My blood feels like it runs cold in my veins as I stare at my oldest friend.

Because I know what he’s asking now, beneath his easy words.

Do I want my ex boyfriend to die? Or to live?

And I genuinely, honestly have…no idea what to say.