Chapter 89

I’m completely still, just staring at Nico, my mind whirling even as I freeze.

Because what he’s saying – it’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.

The idea of just leaving? Of never seeing Christian ever again – after I finally found him, after I’d already thought him lost?

Of…of not even being able to email him again, to tell him the things I used to write almost every day in message after message?

And Frankie – to never laugh with him again? To never see the way his smile lights up his face!? My heart sinks in my chest, absolutely devastated by the idea.

But…even as it does…I realize that Nico is right.

That the clear solution here is to just go, to leave them to their lives, to stop messing them up. Christian – he would move on, forget about me, marry Violetta – have lots of…little mafia babies, or whatever. And Frankie, he would go back to whatever it was he was doing before, which I think made him perfectly happy.

And if Nico can help me…

“I’ll get you money,” Nico says, his voice eager and soft, seeing my realization on my face. “And I know safe places you can go – I’ll set it all up, Iris. It will be like your personal version of the witness protection plan – no tricks. You can get back to the life you wanted – enroll in school, start the little bed and breakfast of your dreams.”

“But…I won’t have any ID – or any identity –“

Nico just waves a hand like none of that matters – like it’s all simple. “Iris, I would set you up with all of that stuff.” He leans forward then and shocks me by taking my hand. I try to tug it away, not liking this – not liking any of it – any of Nico’s ideas, or him trying to get rid of me, or…or the fact that he’s making a lot of sense right now.

“Nico!” I protest, still tugging, but he holds fast.

“If you care about them,” he says, staring hard into my face and making me listen to him. I go still again, feeling cold. “Then you’ll do it, Iris. You could get them both killed by sticking around, by continuing to live your life as you have been and getting them all wrapped up in you. If you love them, you’ll go.”

My muscles go slack and, seeing the defeat in me, Nico drops my hand and stands straight, watching me as he wraps his hands again around his coffee cup.

I drop my head, seriously considering it. Because even if it breaks my heart, would it be worth it? To keep Christian and Frankie safe?

I take a deep breath, looking back up at Nico, remembering something from last night and wanting answers. And I push, now, because if he’s asking for something from me – something big like this – then he owes me, too.

And answers are the least of what he would owe, if I decide to disappear. “What did Christian mean,” I say, my voice low and sharp, “when he said, last night, something about having to choose between me and you?”

“What?” Nico asks, and I can tell by his face that he’s genuinely confused, not trying to be evasive.

“It was…” I close my eyes, trying to remember, thinking back. “We were all fighting, and you told Christian he was too close to me, and then Christian said that…if you made him choose between me and you again, that you wouldn’t like the choice he made this time.”

I open my eyes now and study Nico’s face, see the realization in him. That he knows, now, precisely what I’m talking about.

But he grits his teeth, crossing his arms, clearly not wanting to tell.

“Nico,” I growl, low, “if you want me to run away? Abandon all of this? I’m going to need all of the information.”

“Fine,” he snaps. “If I tell you, you’ll agree to let me help you escape?”

“If you tell me,” I bargain, drawing my brows together, “I’ll think about it.”

He scoffs, but I shake my head.

“No, Nico,” I say quietly. “I will seriously think about it, weigh all the options. You have my word. But I’m not going to even consider it if you can’t show me that you won’t even play ball.”

He considers me for a long moment but then nods, just a little. “Fine,” he says, giving a shrug. “Christian went to his step-mom, told her that he wanted to meet a nice girl – to start a family, which is smart for him, if he wants to move up in this world.”

My eyebrows go up, because…I didn’t realize that Violetta had been an arranged sort of thing. But I push the thought aside and keep listening.

“When it came down to it, and Christian came back from his first date with Violetta, he had kind of…a hard time with it.” Nico says, gritting his teeth and looking to the side. “He said he didn’t know if he could force himself to be in a relationship just because it’s what his family expects of him.”

Nico pauses again, and I push here. “And?” I say, shaking my head, not getting it yet. What does this have to do with a choice between Nico and me?

“And,” Nico says on a sigh, turning his head to look at me again. “I accused him of letting you get into his head, and said that he was only thinking of turning down Violetta – who is perfect, by the way – because he was thinking about you. I told him that if he let you wrap him around your finger so much that he was willing to throw away the perfect life, and his place in the family, and his entire mafia career? That I’d go.”

“Go?” I ask, my eyes wide with shock as I consider Nico – consider the gall of him.

“Ask to be reassigned,” Nico says, folding his arms over his chest. “That I wouldn’t work with him anymore.”

I just stare at him, shocked. Because I know that Nico thought I was trouble, and that he didn’t like me – but I didn’t realize that he was actively working against me.

That – that Christian…he could have actually had feelings for me, weeks ago. And Nico forced him to turn away from them.

But, I mean, is that even true? Did Christian have strong feelings for me? Was Nico really the turning point, or did Christian decide on his own that Violetta really is everything he was looking for?

But if she was…why was he holding my hand last night?

Nico snaps his fingers in front of my face. “Earth to Iris,” he murmurs, frowning at me. “What’s wrong with you?”

I smack his hand away, exhaling a deep breath. “If you like Violetta so much,” I say quietly, turning my head to study him. “Why don’t you date her?”

Nico just laughs at me, shaking his head. “If you think that a girl like Violetta would even turn her head to look at me,” he says, smirking. “Then you really don’t understand this world, Iris. Not at all.”

“And if you think the human heart really gives a shit about the rules of your world, Nico,” I counter, leaning towards him and holding his gaze. “Then you don’t understand anything at all either.”

He doesn’t say a word and I’m the first to break our staring contest, picking up my coffee again and starting back towards my room with a sigh, not bothering to clean up the spilled bit of coffee that I’ve left behind. Let Nico deal with it – he’s the one who’s supposed to clean up all the messes, anyway. Let him be good for something.

“Think about it, Iris!” Nico calls softly after me. “You could have your life back!”

And as I disappear into my room and press the door shut behind me…honestly, for the first time, I wonder if I even want it back.