Chapter 2

Jade's POV

The night lasted forever. I counted how many times he breathed, counted the minutes until the sun would come up, counted every single moment I'd thrown away loving someone who saw me as nothing.

When light finally started coming through the tent, I carefully moved his arm off me. My body felt numb and robotic.

"Hey," Noah mumbled, still half asleep, reaching for me. "Where you going?"

"Bathroom." My voice came out normal somehow. "Go back to sleep."

I walked straight to the counselors' cabin in the freezing morning air and asked to use their phone.

"It's a family emergency," I told them. My voice was completely steady and calm. "I need to go home today."

Twenty minutes later I was shoving everything into my duffel bag when Noah showed up looking all confused and sleepy.

"Jade? What's happening? They said you're leaving?"

I couldn't look at his face. If I looked at him I was going to completely lose it. "Yeah. Family stuff. I have to go."

"What kind of family stuff? Is everyone okay?" He moved closer and his face had that concerned expression that probably worked on every other girl. God, he's so good at faking that he cares.

"Everyone's fine. It's just something I need to take care of."

"Do you need me to come with you? I can skip the last day."

The words came out of my mouth perfectly pleasant and normal. "No, it's fine. You stay and enjoy." He totally believed it, giving me this big hug that made me want to puke.

"Text me when you get home?" he said.

"Sure."

I watched him walk away toward where Marcus was standing, watched them start laughing about something together. Then I turned around and walked to the parking lot where my dad's car was pulling in.

The whole drive home was silent. I stared out the window watching the mountains turn into suburbs, watching everything blur past.

"Jade?" My mom's voice was soft from the front seat. "Honey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Mom." I kept staring out the window. "I just need to change some college plans."

That Early Decision application to Boston University was sitting in my laptop at home, one click away from being submitted. I'd filled it out weeks ago after convincing myself that Boston would be amazing, that following Noah across the country was romantic and showed how much I loved him.

When we got home I went straight to my room and opened my laptop. My finger stayed on the delete button for a few seconds before I pressed it.

One click and Boston was gone.

Next, I opened my previously abandoned application to UCLA. I immediately chose to reapply.

I spent the next three hours going through everything, updating my test scores and activities and recommendations. I added USC Cinema and UC Berkeley as backups because I wasn't taking any chances. Places where I actually belonged instead of just following some guy who never gave a shit about me.

When I finally clicked submit on all three applications, it was past midnight. I closed my laptop and leaned back in my chair, staring at my ceiling. My whole body felt exhausted but also kind of electric.

The next few days I barely left my room. I kept checking my email obsessively, refreshing every few minutes even though I knew UCLA acceptance letters wouldn't come out for weeks. But I couldn't stop myself.

I started looking up everything about the school, dorm layouts, film production courses, student showcase schedules. I watched YouTube videos of campus tours and looked at the Instagram pages of film students whose work I liked. This was my future now.

My phone kept lighting up with texts, but I already knew who they were from without looking. Noah's name kept appearing on my lock screen and my stomach would drop every time.

"Hey, you okay? Haven't heard from you since camp."

"Jade? Why aren't you answering?"

"Did I do something wrong?"

That last one almost made me laugh. Did he do something wrong. Like he genuinely had no idea.

I went through my phone methodically, deleting everything. Instagram first, I watched all my photos disappear and felt nothing. Then Snapchat, where half my memories were stupid selfies with Noah. Then TikTok. Every app where he could possibly find me or keep tabs on what I was doing. Gone.

The last thing I did was block his number. I watched his contact information vanish from my phone and this weird feeling went through me, like grief and relief mixed together. Six years of my life, just erased with a few taps. But he'd already erased me first when he decided I wasn't worth treating like an actual person.

My best friend, Zoe called me on the third day.

"Girl, what the hell happened?" she said the second I picked up. "You completely disappeared. Noah's been texting everyone asking if we've seen you, and your Instagram is gone. Your Snap is gone. What's going on?"

"I'll tell you later." My voice came out flat and tired. "Just trust me on this, okay?"

"Jade, you're freaking me out. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I promise. I just need some space to figure things out."

She was quiet for a second, and I could hear her breathing on the other end. "Does this have to do with camp? With Noah?"

Everything has to do with Noah. But I couldn't say it out loud yet. Couldn't make myself form the words "he used me" or "I was just practice".

"I'll explain everything soon," I said. "I just can't talk about it right now."

"Okay." She still sounded worried. "But I'm here whenever you need me. You know that, right?"

"I know. Thanks, Zoe."

After we hung up, I went back to my laptop and pulled up UCLA's housing portal for the hundredth time. Assignments wouldn't be posted until late August, but I kept checking anyway. I needed something concrete to focus on, something that wasn't the complete mess my life had become.

Dinner that night was uncomfortable. My parents kept glancing at me across the table, then looking at each other with these worried expressions they thought I couldn't see. I pushed my food around my plate, not really eating, just moving things from one side to the other. The silence felt heavy and awful.

Finally my mom set down her fork. The sound seemed too loud in the quiet room.

"Honey, did something happen at camp?" Her voice was careful, like she was afraid I might break if she pushed too hard. "You've been so quiet since you got back."

"I'm fine, Mom." I kept my eyes on my plate. "Just thinking about college stuff."

My dad cleared his throat. "Have you and Noah finalized your Boston plans? I thought you two were supposed to coordinate flight times and dorm assignments."

The mention of his name made my stomach twist. My hand tightened around my fork. I could feel my parents watching me, waiting for an answer, and I couldn't keep pretending anymore. I was so tired of pretending.

"Actually," I said slowly, forcing myself to look up at them, "I need to talk to you guys about that."

They both went still. My mom set her napkin down carefully on the table. My dad leaned forward slightly, his expression shifting from confused to concerned.

I took a breath and made myself say it.

"I'm not going to Boston."