Chapter 121

Agnes

Due to my condition, I couldn’t go after Thea right away, even though I really wanted to. Thankfully, the doctor cleared me soon afterwards and I could go home. My legs were still wobbly and my skin still burned from where I’d come into contact with the poison ivy, but thanks to the medicine they gave me, I was feeling much better than before.

Due to Thea’s allergy, though, they made me throw away my clothes and shower at the hospital to avoid contaminating her. Elijah left briefly to get me some clean clothes, and when he returned, I found he had packed a comfortable sweater and leggings for me, which was a lot better than the dirty clothes I’d rolled all over the forest in.

Once I was clean and dressed, we found Thea sitting in the hospital cafeteria with James, an untouched cup of hot cocoa sitting in front of her. She was pouting, her arms folded tightly across her chest. James came over as we approached.

“She’s really upset,” he said, glancing at me. “Something about… perfume?”

I sighed, realizing what had happened. Elijah moved to go to her, but I gently stopped him. I wanted to talk to her myself. After a moment of hesitation, he nodded and stepped back with James.

I carefully made my way over to Thea.

“May I sit?” I asked, pointing to the seat James had been using.

Thea didn’t answer. Or even look up at me, for that matter. But I took the seat anyway and scooched closer to her, leaning in.

“Can we talk, please?”

“No,” she growled.

I sighed, glancing up at Elijah and James, who were standing a ways off. They were looking at the soda machine as if it were the most interesting thing in the world, even though I knew neither of them drank soda.

“Thea, I already explained to your dad that that kiss wasn’t real. The man you saw me kissing… he didn’t get my permission first. But either way, I’m really sorry you had to see that, and I hope you can forgive me.”

Thea pouted even more. “I don’t care about that now. You said our perfume was stupid, and we worked so hard on it to make my daddy fall in love with you. Didn’t it work?”

My chest tightened painfully, as if I were going into anaphylactic shock all over again. I should have known that that was what this was about—all Thea ever wanted was for us to fall in love. To have a happily-ever after like in a fairytale.

I pulled my chair a little closer and touched her hand. “Honey, sometimes you can’t make people fall in love, no matter how much you want them to.”

She looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears. “But you two love each other. I just know it. I want to be a family.”

“We are a family,” I said gently.

But Thea shook her head vehemently. “No, we’re not. Not really. You two are in love, but you won’t say it and you keep pretending like you’re not, and he keeps kissing her. It doesn’t feel like you’re my mom and dad.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. There wasn’t really anything to say. Thea was sort of right, after all; Elijah and I had… feelings for each other. But because of certain circumstances, it wasn’t as simple as falling in love and having our fairytale ending.

“I just want a real mom,” Thea went on, wiping her tears. “I hate Olivia. I want you to be my real mom, but it doesn’t feel the same when you and my daddy aren’t actually…” She sniffled. “...Together.”

My heart ached for her. Without thinking, I reached out and pulled Thea into my arms. She allowed me, burying her face against my neck as she quietly cried on me. I bit back my own tears as I stroked her hair.

I wanted nothing more than to be the mother she wanted, the mother she deserved. I wanted it more than oxygen sometimes. If I could have become her real, biological mother, if I could have erased the past seven years of heartache and losing my daughter and have had a family with her and Elijah, I would have.

But even now, after everything, I knew it was an impossible feat to become her mother in the ways that mattered to her. Even when Elijah had lifted me into his arms in the forest, when I had been on the verge of death, his mate mark had been glowing a bright white.

Olivia still had a hold on him. Nothing could change that, no matter how much I wanted it to.

When we returned home later, Thea was fast asleep. It was well after three in the morning, and I was exhausted too. But Elijah asked me to come to his office before bed, and his face was grim. I knew what this was about before he even said it.

“Agnes,” he said softly, as if the words pained him, “I… I think we need to cool off our relationship. For Thea’s sake.”

My heart burned, but I kept my expression calm.

“Olivia still has a hold on me that can’t be denied,” he went on, sinking down onto one of the plush armchairs in front of the fireplace. “Once, I thought I could make this work—you and me—while I find a way to unmark Olivia. But that was before I realized just how… invested Thea has become in our relationship.”

I nodded, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

“She’s a little girl,” he continued. “I want her to be a little girl. I don’t want her to be thinking about such things, but my affection for you, this push-and-pull we have going on, is…”

“Confusing her,” I said quietly.

Elijah looked up at me, and he almost looked relieved that I understood. “I hope you know that it’s not that I don’t want to be with you. I care for you deeply, Agnes. More than I can even express. But until I can stop being manipulated by my mate bond with Olivia, I think the situation is just far too complex.”

It hurt to hear it, but I knew he was right. “I understand,” I said, wringing my hands. “I don’t want Thea to get hurt, either. And I fear that Olivia might do something drastic that will hurt her even more. I think tonight might have been related. She figured out we slept together.”

Elijah’s face tightened. “I figured as much. Dammit, I hate to let her have her way, but she’ll get it in the end anyway unless we’re careful. I’m sorry, Agnes, but it’s for the best.”

When he met my gaze, I couldn’t help but soften. He looked hurt, and tired, and… afraid. I couldn’t blame him for making this decision. It was brave of him. Braver than I might have been.

I offered him a small smile and shook my head. “Don’t apologize. I’m glad you talked to me.”

Elijah looked relieved once more. “Thank you for understanding, Agnes.”

With that, I said goodnight. My heart ached as I left, but there was an undercurrent of hope there. From the beginning, Elijah had been my partner, my equal. That hadn’t changed, even now. And maybe, just maybe, we could figure this whole mess out together.

On my way to bed, I hesitated outside the living room, recalling the letter I had written with Gertrude and Evelyn. I still wanted to give it to Elijah in good faith, so I went to retrieve it.

But to my surprise, the envelope was nowhere to be found.