Chapter 198

Violet’s POV

At the desk in my study, I rewound the footage of my speech at the Vainthott Estate yesterday.

“You’re watching it again?” Lily asked from the other side of my desk where she stood a step behind Kincaid.

“I told you both you could sit,” was my only response.

They didn’t sit.

I pressed play.

My voice rang out through the small speakers on my laptop: “Since you clearly have no questions about the trade deal, we’ll end—”

I remembered so clearly what had happened. As I had looked out on the reporters, chastising them with my eyes even as I kept my tone even, my mother appeared in the crowd. I was so shocked by her presence, I’d stopped mid-sentence.

Then I could feel it, my attention being suctioned to her like a black hole. I needed to watch her, listen to her, follow her. It was this inarguable, inescapable need that drowned out everything else.

I put the memory aside as I watched the footage again, trying to imagine what this looked like to those who didn’t know about the hallucinations. It was highly unusual for a Beta to step to his Alpha’s side during a press conference. That being said, with the Vainthotts being traditional and me not having a mate at my side like Dorian did, it could possibly be seen as a balancing of company similar to Kincaid escorting me to Lucas and Nora’s wedding.

Technically, the correct traditional balance would have Betas accompanying both Alphas, but most of the country didn’t know that. In fact, as I rewatched the way Kincaid approached me and glanced at Dorian, he almost appeared to be a Beta incensed by the lack of respect being payed to his Alpha.

“We can work with this,” I muttered as I rewound the footage and watched again. I had to push away my feeling of mortification that this hallucination had been caught on camera for everyone to see. Had to push away my fear at how strong the hallucinations were getting.

I watched as Dorian skillfully took over the microphone, looking almost like he was backing me up instead of covering for me. Then he and Kincaid each took one of my arms as they tried to lead me off the stage. I didn’t budge.

This was the part that would be harder to explain.

Dorian had actually bumped into me when I didn’t move as anticipated. I had been shocked the first time I’d watched the recording to see that my face appeared neutral, if not haunted, at this point, staring out into the confused crowd.

To my memory, I had been screaming for my mother. Thank the Goddess that part had only happened in my mind.

I watched on my laptop as Kincaid quickly and decisively stepped in front of me on stage, bringing his hands to my face. By all accounts, it looked as though he was comforting me, convincing me not to let the press get to me.

In reality, he had stepped into my line of sight to break my eye contact with the hallucination, just as I had instructed him to. And his hands on my face were not comforting. They were pinning me in place, keeping me from looking around him like I tried to.

I was stronger than him. I was his Alpha after all.

I would have easily fought him off if his actions hadn’t been paired at that exact moment with my mate’s voice in my mind.

Alari, come back to us, he’d said, shocking me long enough to stop fighting Kincaid. Kincaid is your Beta, your protector, your friend. Trust him.

It was Theo’s voice that had pulled me out of the hallucination long enough to recognize my own Beta as someone other than an enemy. I didn’t know if Kincaid had been speaking to me the entire time or if he had waited until he saw in my eyes that I was back before he had said, “Stay calm, don’t react, and follow me.”

But of course, those words existed only in my memory. None of the press microphones had picked them up.

When I had nodded in agreement, he had dropped his hands from my face. With a firm hand on my lower back, he had guided me behind closed doors.

I couldn’t explain to Dorian and Seraphine what had happened, couldn’t tell them my unstable magic was causing hallucinations when they didn’t even know I had magic, when I wasn’t sure how they felt about magic in general. I was immensely grateful that they accepted my lack of explanation even when I was clearly not okay. The fact that they trusted me enough to not ask questions meant everything.

I knew most people would not feel that way.

I pushed the laptop aside, giving me an unobstructed view of my Beta and Gamma – both of whom were still standing. “Suggestions?”

Kincaid folded his hands behind his back.

“Option one: we bring no further attention to this. At best, the press writes it off as you understandably getting frustrated by their inappropriate questions. At worst, the press paints you as dramatic and incapable of leading, using it as an argument that you should find a husband to be the Alpha of Darkmoon.”

Knowing the press, I knew which way that was more likely to go. “Or they’ll speculate that something’s wrong with me, which it is and which we don’t want them to know. Option two?” I prompted.

“We release a statement about the duty of reporters to keep our country informed, not spread gossip.”

I sigh, leaning back into my chair. “Which would lead the press away from speculation but could still have me labeled dramatic.” I looked to Kincaid, hoping he had more.

“Option three: we release a press statement informing the country that you are still working through rejection symptoms, which is what they witnessed at the end of yesterday’s press conference.”

I considered it. “Which opens up the possibility of me being labeled unfit to lead for health reasons.”

“However,” Kincaid adds, “that’s the easiest misperception to argue against due to all the action you’ve been taking for Darkmoon, the minimal disruption of your ‘symptoms’, and the bill of health from the High Priestess.”

I took a deep breath. “The hardest part of leading is the number of decisions made not because it’s the best option but because it’s the least terrible one.”

I met Kincaid’s eyes, then Lily’s. They were resolved, ready to support whichever decision I made. “Option three,” I told them.

They nodded once at the same time, waiting for my dismissal.

I didn’t give it.

I hesitated in my seat, unsure of exactly which words I wanted to say.

“I – I don’t know exactly what it means still, but my mother was definitely telling me, urging me to leave. I don’t know what or where she was telling me to leave, I don’t know if it’s a clairvoyant warning or an omen that my wolf is trying to separate from me. I’m just trying to share the information I have in case it is useful at some point to those helping me.”

It was not in my nature to invite help so openly. I hated that my circumstances required I do.

I dismissed my Beta and Gamma then, grateful that they didn’t make a big deal out of what I had shared. Kincaid and Lily knew me well enough to understand how difficult those words had been for me.

And how scared I had to be to say them.