Chapter 98

Logan

It rained the morning we buried my mother. It felt like it was reflecting my dour mood as the onslaught of rain ceaselessly wetted the day.

This downpour was the sort of cold, relentless rain that seeps into your bones and stays there. Many of the other attendees were shivering against it, clutching their black attire tightly around them to attempt to stave off the worst of it.

I stood at the edge of the grave where her lacquered oak casket had been lowered several minutes before, my hands clenched so tightly around the black umbrella that my knuckles ached. Water dripped from the brim, tracing icy trails down my neck and dripping down my face like tears.

But I wasn't crying. I hadn’t yet. I felt hollowed by the news still, even days later. It felt like it couldn’t be real, like it was a dream I would soon wake up from.

She had been lowered into the earth in silence, only the dull thud of dirt against the coffin breaking the air. I thought I’d cry then, watching this final descent of hers, but still, such an emotional release evaded me.

And then I saw her across the grave from me, lingering above the freshly dug lip in the earth and holding her own soaked umbrella.

Evelyn.

She was across the grave, her black dress plastered to her skin from the rain, her hair clinging to her face in inky fingers. I was surprised to notice that she wasn’t watching me in my grief the way others were shamelessly casting glances my way. Instead, she was looking at the gaping hole in the ground with an unreadable expression.

For a moment, I forgot everything else. Just looking at her, so beautiful even though she didn’t know she was being watched, I forgot Emma, forgot the accusations, forgot the mess I’d made of us.

Without further thought or inward argument, I stepped forward, desperate to say something, anything, that might pull us back from the cliff we were teetering on.

But when she looked up to watch my approach, the expression she wore cut through me sharper than any blade.

“I didn’t come here to provoke you,” she said, her voice raw but cold. “I came to pay my respects. I will be leaving shortly, don’t worry.”

I swallowed hard. “Evelyn—”

“I’ll go now,” she said, turning.

I caught her arm. “Evelyn, you don’t have to leave.”

“You accused me of killing your mother,” she said, pulling her arm from my grasp. “And now I heard from Alex about Emma.” Her eyes were full of something worse than anger. They were filled with hurt.. “Do you have any idea what that did to me when I heard? And then you didn’t even have the decency to come to me and explain.”

“It wasn’t intentional,” I said quickly, the words spilling out before I could stop them. They were words I should have said hours ago, but couldn’t steel myself to confess. “I was drunk, she came out of nowhere, and I told her no—”

She gave a humorless laugh. “You told her no while letting her kiss you? While letting her put her hands on you? Lorgan, this isn’t the time or place for an argument. I’ll just leave—”

“I didn’t want it,” I insisted, my voice rising with the desperation clawing at my chest. “I feel nothing for her, Evelyn. Nothing.”

She shook her head, water flying from her hair. “You expect me to believe that after everything?”

My jaw tightened. I supposed she was right. It didn’t look great for me. “I swear it.”

She was silent at that, like she didn’t know what to say. I rushed to fill the silence that stretched on, trying to ensure she wouldn’t leave me.

“I heard that you found the cure for wolfsbane,” I said. “That’s incredible, really, Evelyn.”

Her eyes snapped to mine, blazing. “Yes, I found the cure. While you were out letting Emma put her hands all over you, I was trying to make sure that no one else would fall victim to the drug she likely used to kill your mother.” Her words hit harder than any physical blow.

And just like that, she turned and began to walk away, her figure swallowed by the rain and the black umbrellas of the other mourners. At the last minute, she turned back to me, her eyes brimming with tears. “No one deserves to die like your mother did, Logan. I really am sorry for your loss.”

I stood there, rooted to the spot, the weight in my chest heavier than the storm above us. I watched her until she disappeared among the trees, only the memory of her lingering. And I stayed even longer after that, drowning in my thoughts.

When everyone had left, I finally exhaled, my breath shaky as it escaped me.

The grave was just a patch of fresh dirt now, already slick and dark from the rain. I sank down to my knees, letting the mud soak through my trousers, then stretched out, my cheek pressed against the chilly, wet earth. I didn’t care about the mud or the possibility of catching a cold. None of it mattered, not truly.

It was madness, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to leave her or to return to the messed-up reality I was responsible for. I didn’t want to go back to the palace and pretend that anything made sense anymore.

At some point, exhaustion pulled me under with greedy hands, dragging me into sleep. And as I drifted away from the harsh reminders of my mistakes, I found her waiting for me in my dreams.

The girl in white. Evelyn.

She moved through a foggy clearing, pale as moonlight, her dress floating like mist around her ankles. In my dream, she was like the picture of the memory I had of her when we were younger. She smiled at me at first, beckoning me closer, the tilt of her head both inviting and dangerous. This edge to her was different than the reality of the woman I knew now, but I could admit that it was enticing, luring me deeper.

I stepped forward, powerless against her pull. When I was close enough to fill my nose with her scent, she raised an arm and a hand trailed over my chest, up my neck, and she leaned in. I could feel myself tense, acknowledging that it was a dream, but so desperate still that I allowed myself to indulge in this fantasy.

Her lips brushed mine. It was a tease, an invitation. Soft, cold, and utterly intoxicating.

Then she pulled back, her smile fading into something sharp. The pleasure and lust she had once been saturated with melted like ice in the sun, leaving her with a cruel, nearly feral expression.

“Coward,” she whispered.

The word sliced through me like a whetted blade, and I jolted awake with the rain still falling, my body stiff from the cold and the awkward position I had been lying in.

The gravestones around me were silent. My mother was gone. Evelyn was gone. I was completely alone.

And for the first time in years, I realized I had no one. Not even in my dreams.