Chapter 205

About forty-five minutes later, Kent helps me to my feet. My legs are still shaky, but Kent stands close by as I brush my teeth and gargle mouthwash.

“I don’t know about all this,” I murmurs, glancing up at him and feeling awkward as I dab at my mouth with a clean hand towel.

“What do you mean?” he asks, peering down at me.

“This new intimacy,” I say, wrinkling m nose a little as I look up at him. “Kent, our entire relationship – or whatever it is –“

“Relationship,” he says instantly, with a sharp nod.

“Fine,” I say, waving a hand and brushing it off. “You’ve kept me at arm’s length. The bodily realities of our lives have been mysteries – I’ve never even seen you shower. And now we’re living in close quarters, and you’re watching me barf? Standing over me as I brush my teeth?”

“What?” he asks, smirking a little. “Do you want me to move to the cabin next door? Give you your privacy?”

“No,” I say, growling a little and taking a step closer – hating, categorically, the idea of him going anywhere at all. “I just…” I shrug, and sigh, “you like me to be…perfect, to come waltzing down the stairs every day dressed in my cute little outfits, my hair all done. You’re going to be grossed out when you discover that I’m…real. And pregnant, which is a whole different level of real.”

Kent sighs, and dips his head to press a quick kiss to my mouth before hastily bending lower. Before I know it I gasp to find that he’s scooped me up into his arms. I laugh a little in my surprise.

“I’m a little ashamed of myself,” he murmurs, looking down into my face, “if you’ve taken my bullshit boundaries as anything about you. You’re perfect, every iteration of you, Fay – perfectly-dressed Fay, throwing up on a container ship Fay – they’re all very good.”

I laugh now, wrapping my arms around his neck, pleased to the core of me to hear him say it, though I admit…I still have my hesitations. “Well,” I say quietly, “why did you put up so many boundaries? Why didn’t you let me in?”

“I did,” he says, raising his eyebrows at me. “More than you probably know. More than anyone else in…years.”

“Daniel said something about that,” I say quietly, looking up at him. “About…me being the only one of your girlfriends you let sleep in your bed every night.”

Kent frowns a little, letting loose a sigh. “He noticed that, did he?” Then he looks up, glancing towards the door, through which – somewhere – Daniel exists.

“Daniel noticed a lot,” I say quietly, peering up at him, curious about his emotions about his son.

“Well, he’s not wrong,” Kent replies, looking down at me and then starting back into the bedroom, sensing that I’m well enough now to leave the toilet’s side, at least for now. “I’ve opened up to you, Fay, just…in my own way. I’m afraid you’ll have to continue to be patient with me now – it’s not going to be perfectly easy for me, after years of being shut off from everyone.”

He carries me over to the bed, sitting down on its side and then twisting to place me, gently, on the mattress, my back against the two pillows up against the bed’s plain wooden headboard.

“Why did you shut people out,” I ask quietly, wrapping my arms around my knees after he pulls the blankets up, tucking me in a bit so that I’m warm, even though I’m still in the little black dress I put on at…

Wow, at two-thirty in the morning. Have I really been up that long? Why am I not more exhausted?

But as Kent stands and peels his shirt off and my eyes pass over his muscled body, his tanned skin…

I know precisely why I’m still up.

“I want to talk to you about that,” he murmurs, turning to look down at me. “But…is that the conversation we should be having tonight?”

And I bite my lip as I look up at Kent’s serious expression, as he glares at me a little – letting me know that he’s well aware that there are things that happened today about which he has not been informed, and about which he wants to know.

Slowly, I shake my head. “We can save it,” I say quietly, knowing that it’s right. “For another time.”

“We have plenty of time now,” he murmurs, stepping forward and taking my chin in his palm, staring down into my face as if he can’t get enough of looking at me. “Well…as long as you did your job well and we aren’t going to be stopped by international customs and sent back to the United States the moment we land in Europe.”

“Oh,” I say too-innocently, my eyes going wide. “Should I have planned for that?”

He narrows his eyes at me, just a little, unwilling to play. I just laugh and swat his hand away.

“Of course we planned for that,” I murmur, shaking my head at him. “Daniel’s in charge of those details, actually – he’s kind of amazing at shipping and boat stuff now – he learned a lot in the past two months, about both the legitimate trade and smuggling –“

“Daniel?” Kent asks, baffled.

“I made him get a job,” I say, grinning.

“Daniel got a job?” Kent’s mouth falls open, making me laugh even harder. And then he groans, turning away from me. “I think…” he says quietly, taking a moment to consider. “I think I need a shower, Fay,” he says, glancing over his shoulder at me. “And then you need to tell me everything. Are you all right with that?”

“Look at you, Lippert,” I say, leaning back into the pillows with a wide grin. “Asking me if I’m all right with the plan, instead of telling me what’s going to happen. I think I like this new situation.”

“Well,” he says, moving back towards the bathroom even as he keeps his eyes on me. “Don’t think I didn’t notice what happened at dinner. It’s very clear who is in charge of your little rag-tag crew.”

“Don’t be too jealous, Kent,” I say, sighing and resting my head on top of my knees. “I’ll let you borrow them sometime.”

He laughs, shaking his head and turning towards the bathroom, I think eager for his shower to wash off the months in jail, the crash, the hard ride, the surprises of the day. To be clean, to start anew.

But before he disappears, I call his name. He turns to me, curious, and I can see on his face that he’ll give me anything I ask for in this moment. Anything at all.

“Can you toss me that pack of saltines?” I ask quietly, pointing to the white sleeve of crackers on the dresser.

He laughs, surprised, and I smile to see his face so joyful. But then he does as I ask, grabbing the crackers and tossing them to me before he disappears into the bathroom.

“Don’t get crumbs in the bed,” he calls over his shoulder. I bite my lip as I rip open the sleeve, so incredibly happy, because as each moment passes he becomes more and more like the Kent I know again.

The Kent I love, and the man I fought to have at my side.

I bite into a cracker, happy and pleased, and look down at my stomach, where the baby has been quiet all day. “Your daddy’s back, baby,” I murmur, giving a content little sigh. “And we’re not letting him go anywhere, ever again. Are we?”

Baby doesn’t reply, but I don’t mind. Because we have time for that.