Chapter 130

He grabbed me and pulled me back, kissing me deeply. “Then let me try to take your mind off of it,” he said. “With something that I know brings you pleasure.”

I wrinkled my nose and scowled at him. “I said I’m not in the mood.”

He got the smallest pout on his face. “Tell you what,” he said. “Give me five minutes if I haven’t put you in the mood, then I’ll go take care of things by myself.”

I sighed, my shoulder slumping. “All right,” I agreed. “Five minutes.”

Twenty minutes later, I panted my guilt into the pillows. We’d done it again. Now I really felt sick.

I pressed my face into the pillow and smothered to scream. This couldn’t keep going on. We had to do something.

Maybe I could find a way to get birth control pills over the dark web so that nobody could trace them back to me. Then, I wouldn’t have to put the burden on Charles or our relationship. I just couldn’t imagine how an alpha who’d been having sex the way he wanted to would suddenly turn around and be like, “Yeah, let’s just cover things up, make them less sensitive and less enjoyable. Let’s just put a barrier between the two of us.”

I rubbed my face on the pillow. No, this horrible feeling in my chest and stomach was going to be enough of a barrier between us. Better the thin layer of a condom than the weight of my guilt. Because what was eating at me was certainly going to spill over into the way I interacted with him.

“Charles,” I murmured.

He didn’t respond, so I rolled, and my heart sank. His eyes were closed, and his chest rose slowly, his mouth slightly open and his jaw slack. He was clearly asleep.

This time, I really did put my face in the pillow and let out a small shriek. I bit at the fabric, trying to get out my frustrations. I just needed the world to stop crapping on me for five minutes, so I could have a conversation with him and bring the joy back into our sex.

The next morning, I woke up and scrambled out of the bed before Charles could try and start anything. The last thing I wanted was to have a conversation like this before we went to work. Because if it made him mad at all, we didn’t have time to resolve our issues before we’d have to leave. And I didn’t want to leave for work being upset with one another. Better to avoid another incident for the moment.

Theo still wasn’t back from the hospital, and David decided that the safe thing to do was go along with me for the day after he delivered Charles to the office. Charles’s office was inside the main government building. The entire thing had surveillance cameras everywhere and security at all of the entrances, just for general business purposes.

So as long as Charles ate in the cafeteria and didn’t leave the building during the day while David was with me, then he would be nearly as safe as having a bodyguard with him. But since I would be going out with Wendy to do our last story together, David felt it was more important that he ride along with me.

After we dropped Charles off in his office, David followed me back to the elevator and down to the third floor, where the Palace Press operated.

“How is Theo?” I asked. “I mean, how is he really? Without Charles around to, you know, do man talk and downplay things.”

David smiled at me. “I wasn’t trying to downplay anything. He’s doing well. It was dehydration. He’d spent so much time purging himself yesterday that he couldn’t keep the liquids in fast enough. They’ve got him on an IV, and they’ll keep an eye on him throughout the morning. The last time I talked to him, he expected to come home this afternoon as long as his vitals were good.”

I let out a huge sigh, my shoulders slumping. “I’m so glad,” I said. “I really didn’t want anything to happen to him.”

He grinned at me and patted my shoulder. “I know you didn’t. You’re a good person, Elena. You may not have known us long, but I can tell that you care.”

A gut-wrenching twist of guilt shot through me. I wasn’t a good person. I’d let Theo get sick just for the sake of a story that, as Charles pointed out, didn’t even exist yet. I hadn’t even verified any of this, and yet I was protecting it like it was the goddess-given truth.

This mixed in my chest with the knots that remained from my possible mistakes with family planning and Charles, leaving me with a throbbing headache and feeling ill myself.

“Are you okay,” David asked. “You’re kind of pale. Are you really that worried about everything?”

“This is my last story with Wendy, and then I’m on my own. And Charles is really struggling with this whole alpha mess. And then there’s Theo, and it’s just all of it,” I answered truthfully.

He opened the door to the Palace Press offices for me, the ones that led into the lobby.

“Hang in there. I’m sure things will get better. If you haven’t gotten the idea already, I’ll reassure you that Packhaven is a good place to live. Once you get settled in and this mess is under control, you should start to feel better. Remember, nothing lasts forever.”

I nodded.

Wendy strode out of the office area and into the lobby, catching me before I even had a chance to make it to my desk. “Are you ready for our last story together?”

She poked out her lower lip in an exaggerated pout. “I’m going to miss working with you, really. But I’m sure you’re anxious to get your own bylines again.”

“It will be nice to pick my own stories,” I confirmed. “But I’ve enjoyed working with you, too,” I said. “Where are we going today?” I asked.

“Today, we’re going to several different coffee shops. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

I grinned in return for her infectious enthusiasm. “That depends on how many shots you intend to have over the course of the morning. I can only take so much caffeine before I start to feel jittery. But why coffee shops?” I asked.

Because we need to interview the shop owners, I have arranged for several interviews to make sure that we’re actually catching the owner in the shop. There are rumors of price gouging on imported beans. I don’t know how much you know about coffee, but we don’t actually grow any beans here in Orlune. It’s too cold.”

“Huh. I didn’t think about that.”

“Right.” She nodded and placed her arm around my back, leaning me out the main doors. “You have a different bodyguard today. What’s up with that?” she asked, eyeing David appreciatively.

“My usual guard, Theo, is sick,” I said. “Actually, he’s in the hospital.”

“Oh, goodness,” she said, gasping out loud. “Do you want to take the day off and go take care of him?”

“I don’t know that there’s much I could do to take care of him. He’s just sitting in the hospital while they monitor him to make sure that he’s ready to be discharged. But maybe instead of coming back and typing up my portion of the story here, I can go home and be ready for him when he comes back.”