Chapter 142

I took a few minutes to unpack in our new long-term stay room while Theo cooked and was just finishing up when he called me.

“Lunch is ready.”

I joined him in the dining area. “It smells wonderful,” I said. “Anything I can do to give you a hand? I just keep feeling worse and worse about all of this,” I admitted. “Like now. There’s only one bedroom with two beds in it. Are you really going to be all right with this?”

“Like I said, we’ll make it work,” Theo reassured me. “I’ll sleep on the couch here if you are uncomfortable with sharing the sleeping space.”

“Absolutely not,” I said. “I refuse to do that to you. We’ll just have to find some schedule for showering and whatnot.”

“Agreed.” Theo sat across from me, two steaming plates of noodles between us. “So, you promised to talk,” he said, shoveling in a mouthful of noodles.

I sat, poking at my lunch with my fork, trying to drum up an appetite to eat that wonderful-smelling food. Theo really was an amazing cook.

“It’s all because Charles is an alpha,” I finally admitted. “Gwen wants us to get married now and have a baby like yesterday. And there are a bunch of different reasons why I’m just not ready for a baby right now, but his family basically said that my reasons don’t matter.”

“They said that the most important thing for him is to have an heir as alpha. Otherwise, we risk destroying his family, especially if somebody were to actually hurt him in a way that he couldn’t run it anymore. Without a son to follow him, his bloodline would die with him. His nephew could take over the family businesses, but what would the point really be aside from money since his nephew isn’t an alpha.”

I groaned. “I’ve been thinking about nothing but this. My writing is suffering, which sucks. I’m struggling to write stories, finding myself only half interested in them, even though I picked the subject matter. I wish I was doing something more meaningful with my time. And then, on top of that, I’m inconveniencing you. I just… I’m seriously doubting whether or not being with Charles is the best thing for everyone involved.”

Theo stared at me with his eyebrows soaring nearly up to his hairline. “Wow. That’s a lot to be bottling up. I can see why you needed some time to think everything over.”

“Except thinking isn’t doing anything for me,” I complained, trying to keep a whining edge from my voice. “The more I think about everything, the more snarled my thoughts become.”

He nodded. “Well, start by trying to figure out what the most important thing for you is.”

“I’ve got two things,” I said. “My career and Charles.”

Theo shook his head at me. “No. You have to narrow it down to one. Which one is more important? Your career or Charles?”

“How am I supposed to know that?” I complained.

Theo took a sip of water and then set it down, clearing his throat. “Ask yourself this: if the moon goddess showed up in person tonight and told you that tomorrow when you woke out, one of those things wouldn’t exist, would you want to wake up tomorrow and have your career? Or would you want to wake up tomorrow in bed next to Charles?”

“Charles,” I answered without hesitation.

Theo grinned. “Good. There’s part of your answer. You know that Charles is more important to you than your career. So now you just have to figure out what you need to do to keep you and Charles together.”

“And I need to think about what’s best for Charles,” I said. “And that’s a whole separate problem. What if it’s better for him not to be with me?”

“If that’s truly how you feel,” Theo said, “then you have a solution that gives you both. You let Charles go, and you get to keep your career. Then, you should be satisfied knowing that you did what was best for Charles. Plus, you won’t lose out on the other.”

I braced my elbows on the table and placed my face in my hands. “But I want both,” I said.

“There are lots of times in life that we want things we can’t have,” Theo said. “I think this might be one of those times. And I’m sorry that it’s so hard for you. But I don’t think it’s ever easy on anyone.”

“You’re barely done being a kid. How did you get so smart?” I asked him.

He laughed. “Actually, I kind of had to make a similar choice myself. Taking on the job of being a bodyguard makes having relationships very difficult. I’m hoping that Violet can hold true to what she said and be okay with the way things are unfolding now. There is a big difference between sharing an apartment with David while I guarded you and sharing an apartment with you. But she’s trying.”

“Anyway, I love what I do,” he said. “And a lot like you, I’m not ready to give it up and settle down. I don’t want to be some fat store security guard just so that I can take care of a wife and kids. I like having high-profile clients and a rewarding career with the government.”

“I don’t want you to think that you’re the cost of any of my relationships,” Theo tacked on in a hurry. “Because it wouldn’t matter who I was guarding. Some ladies can’t handle sharing their man’s attention. Like my last girlfriend before I took the job with you. She couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t stand not knowing where I was at all hours of the night while I was guarding my last charge.”

“She gave me the ultimatum to choose her or work.” He gave me a sad sort of smile. “And here I sit. But I suppose it was a little easier because I knew she wasn’t the one I intended to marry or anything. But if I had chosen to be with her, I didn’t have any doubts that she and I would have just done just fine together like you’re having doubts about you and Charles.

I nodded.

“Can I throw my two cents in?”

“Sure,” I agreed. “Why not?”

He fidgeted a moment before finally speaking. “I like Charles. He’s a good man. But I also don’t think it’s fair for him to expect you to drop everything that you’re doing and change everything you are just so that you can give him a family now. It’s not like you told him you wouldn’t. And if he can’t wait for you and respect that you are an intelligent woman and an incredible writer, then maybe it’s him that doesn’t deserve you.”

I smiled at him. “I’m flattered. Thanks. Now, if only I could be sure Charles felt the same.”

We continued eating our noodles in silence. It wasn’t that I thought Charles didn’t believe in me as a person. I was simply starting to doubt that Charles and I were the perfect person for one another. Just because people got along didn’t make them ideal partners. So that still left the question. Were Charles and I ideal for each other?