Chapter 6 THE LIE I CHOSE

"You are lucky the brain is such a resilient organ, Sienna."

The doctor’s voice was calm. He was looking at a chart while a nurse adjusted my IV. I lay still, my head throbbing in time with the monitor. The sedation had worn off, but the world still felt a little blurry.

"What did you say?" I asked. My voice was raspy. It sounded like I had swallowed glass.

"I said you are lucky," the doctor repeated. He walked closer and shone a light into my eyes.

I looked at Jax. He was standing by the window with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked exhausted. Relief crashed over his face so violently that it almost looked like pain when he saw me looking at him. “Si?” His voice breaks on my name… her name. “Hey. Hey, I’m here.”

I stare at him, making sure to keep my face blank. It was obvious from the way he was looking at me that he loved Sienna. The way he was searching my face like he was afraid I would disappear again was very sad.

If anyone will notice the difference between his Sienna and mine, it will be him.

"The trauma to your head was severe. We were worried about permanent damage. “The doctor continued. “Can you tell me what year it is?"

I looked back at the doctor and took a breath.

This was it. The start of the lie.

"I don't know," I whispered, almost flinching at my new voice. It was raspy and slightly deeper than my normal voice.

Jax stiffened, straightening up.

The doctor paused and exchanged a glance with the nurse. He lowered the light. "You don't know the year?"

"I don't know anything," I said. I let my voice tremble just a little. "I don't know the year. I don't know where I am. I don't even know... I don't know who I am."

Jax took a sharp step forward. His face went pale. "What? Doc, what is she saying?"

The doctor motioned for Jax to stay calm. “Do you know your name?”

I shook my head slowly. “No. But I think it’s Sienna since everyone keeps calling me that.”

His brows furrowed with worry, and he spent the next thirty minutes running tests. He asked me basic questions. He asked for my parents' names. He asked for my birthday. To every question, I gave the same answer. I didn't know.

Finally, the doctor turned to Jax. "It is called dissociative amnesia. It is not uncommon after a long coma or a traumatic injury. The brain hides memories to protect itself from the pain."

"Is it permanent?" Jax asked. He sounded like he was about to break.

"It is hard to say," the doctor replied. Sometimes memories return in flashes. Sometimes they stay gone. For now, she needs rest and a familiar environment. Do not push her too hard. It's usually temporary, though.”

Jax latched onto that word like a lifeline. “So it’ll come back? Thank God.”

I lower my eyes, letting my lashes shadow my expression.

The doctor and the nurse left the room. Silence fell over us. I watched Jax out of the corner of my eye. He looked like he had been hit by a truck. He walked over to the bed and sat in the chair. He reached out like he wanted to touch my hand, then pulled back.

“You scared the hell out of us,” he said softly.

Us?

“You’ve been in and out. You had fevers and seizures that scared the life out of us. I thought…” His jaw tightened, and he faded off, not finishing the sentence.  " I am sorry, Si," he whispered. "I thought... I thought once you woke up, things would go back to normal."

I watched him carefully.

His eyes are red. There’s a cut healing along his knuckles. He hasn’t been taking care of himself.

"I am sorry too," I said. And I meant it, but not for the reason he thought. I was sorry I was stealing his friend’s life. "You seem like you care about me a lot."

Jax let out a sad laugh. "Care about you? You are my sister, Sienna. Not by blood, but by everything else. We have been through hell together."

Sienna had people… real people in her corner

If I had even one person who looked at me like this… maybe I wouldn’t have been so desperate for Kanan’s love.

"Are you… okay?” He asked cautiously. “So you don’t remember anything? Not me?”

I let my gaze drift to his face, studying him as if for the first time. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

Hurt flashed across his features before he quickly masked it. “It’s OK. The doctor said it’s temporary anyway.”

I wanted to correct him, but the hopeful look on his face made me pause.

“I’m Jax, though,” he continued. “You’ve known me a long time.”

Long time?

As in friend? Brother-in-arms? Or something more complicated?

He suddenly stood up, startling me. I think my silence was making it awkward for him or something.

“The crew has been losing their minds waiting to see you.” He said, avoiding my gaze. “Do you want me to call them? They’re right outside.” 

“Crew?” I asked, confused.

Jax nodded. "Leo, Kael, and Mina. They have been at the hospital every day for the four months you have been here.

I have been here for four months?? That means my body would have been buried for that long.

That’s even if that bastard had the decency to bury me. I thought of rolling my eyes in my mind.

“They are downstairs right now.” Jax's voice broke into my soliloquizing. “They wanted to burst in the moment they heard you were awake. I told them to wait. Should I call them in?"

A wave of panic hit me. "No. I am not ready."

“If I don’t remember them,” I said carefully, “and they come in here expecting me to… to react as I know them…” I swallowed, letting my voice tremble just enough. “I’ll disappoint them. I don’t want to see that on their faces.”

Jax sighed and rubbed his face. "Okay. I will tell them to go home for now. I will tell them you need a few more days."

"Thank you," I said. "But tell me about them. If I am going to live this life, I need to know who I am dealing with."

Jax looked surprised, but then he nodded. He pulled out his phone and swiped through a few photos. He showed me a picture of four people standing in front of a beat-up van. Sienna was in the middle, looking tough.

"That’s Leo," Jax said, pointing to a skinny guy with glasses and a messy head of hair. "He is a genius. If it has a circuit board or a password, he can break it. He grew up in the foster system and spent most of his time hacking government databases for fun. You found him when a local gang was trying to kill him for stealing their crypto."

I nodded. A hacker. That was useful.

"The big guy next to him is Kael," Jax continued. "He is our mechanic... more like an engineer because he can fix anything. He used to be a heavyweight cage fighter until he refused to throw a fight for a crooked promoter. They tried to break his legs. You stepped in and took out three of the guys. He has been your shadow ever since."

"And the girl?" I asked.

"Mina," Jax said. A small smile touched his lips. "She is a master of disguise and social engineering. She can talk her way into a high-security vault wearing nothing but a bikini and a smile. She also knows enough first aid to patch us up when things get bloody. You pulled her out of a trafficking ring five years ago. She’s been with us ever since."

He pointed at himself. “I am just plain muscle,” he said with a chuckle. “I have been with you since our days at the orphanage.”

I looked at the photos. Their posture… the way they stand around Sienna in every photo was very close… protective. They looked like a real team. A family.

I looked at him with a soft smile. "And me? What did I do?"