Chapter 134

Mira

A golden wolf was racing through the forest, and Mira was left behind.

———

I had not transformed since I had been forced to defend myself against my husband. The feeling of freedom was so exhilarating that I almost lost myself completely in the raw and wild experience of it. My body always remembered, even if my human mind got wrapped up in other things.

Even in that joy, there was a feeling of something missing. I wanted my Mate by my side, that dark and stormy and stubborn wolf. I wanted Dominic.

I howled with the overwhelming melancholy of missing him. My voice reverberated off the trees as I ran.

And then there was another howl. I was being followed.

I glanced back briefly to glimpse a far off blur of grey and brown fur. I could only place it as Jeremiah. Somehow also able to change so quickly, and he was in pursuit of me.

My sense heightened, I picked up the pace as I led my tracker farther into the woods. I was faster to him, thank the gods, but he didn’t relent. He must’ve called back up, but it would be difficult to find us at this point.

After a safe amount of time, I changed course to bring us back towards the compound. It was not my plan after all, to make an escape. That plan was for Julian.

The survival book and bag of supplies I’d given him would last him a while if he was careful. He would have to stay in the trees but in sight of the road leading out, but I trusted his stealth and strength to do so.

And he had Rae.

When he was away from danger, hopefully he would be able to open himself up again and reach out to his Fated Mate. She would help him, guide him, and send someone to find him. Otherwise… I didn’t want to think about it.

The gate loomed up before me. It was open, like a giant mouth waiting to consume me.

Malachi stood in the center of the yard, waiting for me.

This time, he was not alone.

Two large Betas stood on either side of him. They were physically imposing, but their faces were almost expressionless. It was like they didn’t even know they were there, like they were somewhere else entirely.

I slowed to a stop, standing on hind legs and letting them see the wolf I really was. It wasn’t egotistical to say that I was strong and impressive— and perhaps some of that was because of Malachi.

That thought brought me out of my mania. I howled to shake the earth.

I made a show of an uncomfortable transformation, even though it really just felt like a tickling vibration when I changed. In human form again, I crouched low and put my head down. It wasn’t a full submission, but from the outside I looked shameful and small and in need of someone to explain to me what I had done.

The simulated emotions triggered a leak in a deeper well, and out spilled the contents of all my current anxieties and fears and heartbreak. I leaned fully into that place, letting myself go. I cried and cried, and Malachi watched and waited for me to finish.

He had come prepared with a robe, and carefully placed it over my shoulders where I was curled in a ball on the ground. I could tell he was not looking or trying to sneak any peaks, and I let myself sink into the pitiful pile of whimpering breaths like a child after a tantrum.

“I don’t know what happened,” I said, my voice quaking. “One minute I was going behind a tree, and I thought I saw a snake, and I freaked out and—“

I choked off my words, selling my horror at my own transformation.”

“Shh, it’s alright, you’re alright,” he said. “It’s over now.”

Malachi’s voice was low as he attempted to calm me down. Once I was covered sufficiently, he helped me to stand.

“Sir!”

We both turned to see Jeremiah running into the yard. He had retrieved things he’d left behind when chasing me. He seemed flushed but not quite out of breath. He was definitely irritated, and mostly at me.

“We’ve got her back, Jeremiah, don’t worry,” Malachi said, starting to turn me back towards the Main House. “Thank you for alerting us, and for exerting such efforts to look after our spirited sister, Mira.”

I cringed in response, but hid the spasm under my current duress.

“Of course, sir, I just wonder—“

His words broke off. Whether on his own or from some look from Malachi, I didn’t know.

“You may have the evening off, Jeremiah,” Malachi said over his shoulder. “And the same for Julius, when he returns.”

I did a better job at holding in the physical reaction, but inside I was buzzing.

“Yes, sir, I’ll let him know.”

Malachi insisted on seeing me to my room, and I could hardly say no after the stunt I had pulled. I needed to keep playing the disillusioned damsel to buy Julian some time.

“What was your transformation like, if I may ask?”

Malachi pulled a chair to the window and sat down, forcing me to accept that we were having this conversation. I sat down on the edge of the bed, facing him.

“Oh, well…” I looked away, biting my lip, displaying my discomfort. “It hurts, a little, still. It feels…brutal.”

“Mm, I see,” he said, making mental notes. “And in your wolf state, do you feel strong? Or do you feel…disjointed or distracted?”

“I feel…” I couldn’t lie completely, but didn’t want him to know too much about me. “It feels like I’m coming home to something. But I didn’t expect it to be such a long road home. And this time— it was like an itch and I just had to run.”

“Yes, that can happen, I’m sure,” he said, as if he would agree with anything I said. “I wonder, Mira, if I could propose something to you.”

I gulped, but held still. “Alright.”

“I’d like to study with you again.”

My heart stopped then kick-started again.

“Oh.”

“Not like before, no, can’t do that without Dominic,” he said, his voice clinical.

The mention of his name jolted my heart again. Dominic.

“But I’d like to know more about your wolf, about reawakening yourself,” he said, his eyes bright with medical marvel. “I think it could be very useful— the longer effects of the studies. I don’t have many like you.”

And he didn’t have me either.

“Right,” I said, nodding. “I have so much work to be doing, but let me think about it.”

He smiled, as if he thought it was cute that I thought I had a choice.

“Of course, take your time,” he said, patting my knee. “I’ll leave you to rest.”

As I lay in bed that night, tears felt quietly onto my pillow as I let the last of the heightened emotions drain out of me.

Being a wolf again, being free again, made me miss Dominic more than I could express. More than I felt I could handle. I was choking on it, not able to breath as I thought of the pain I’d caused him.

For the first time in weeks, I opened my mind to him. I had been such a coward to hide, and the further along I went the more I thought that maybe I needed his help in this after all. Maybe he still loved me, after all.

I reached and reached, and there was no answer.