Chapter 122

Lucian’s POV

After the meeting, as I reached the car, Ben, my Beta, held open the backseat car door for me.

“Should I take you back to your office, Alpha?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “I’d like to go home, please.”

This surprised Ben, who looked at me strangely. I could understand this reaction. For years now, I’d always been somewhat of a workaholic, but those tendencies had been even worst in the last few years. Without Aria, I’d thrown myself fully into my work and on pushing for this treaty.

Now that it was done, I felt as if I could finally take a minute to breathe.

I slid into the backseat without another work. Ben closed the door, moved to the front seat and started the car.

While negotiating this treaty might have been difficult, I knew it wasn’t the last step I needed to find Aria. In the end, it might not be helpful at all. The biggest challenge – finding Aria – might be the most difficult to come.

And then there was the matter of if I even should try to find her. This was an internal debate I struggled with for the past several years, always going back and forth.

She had left of her own accord and her own desire, making even her best friend Cathy swear not to tell me where she was going.

These were not the actions of a woman who wanted to be followed or found by an ex-lover.

On some days, I felt I should respect that clear and obvious rejection. On other days, my heart yearns for her, the hollow in my chest never healing. My wolf howls mournfully all night every night, as if his sadness will be able to cross the distance and find our mate.

But it won’t. The mutual rejection made certain of that.

Ben pulled the car up to the front of the house, and I wordlessly jumped out of it.

“That will be all for today,” I told him over my shoulder as I made my way into the house.

“Yes, Alpha,” Ben said from behind me.

When I entered, most of the staff had already left for the day. Without Sheila and the messes she made, not as many staff were needed as before. I still kept them all on retainer, and they would come and go as needed. But mostly this left the house looking cleaner than ever, but also feeling emptier.

Only the housekeeper was waiting for me today, standing in the living room near the kitchen.

“Welcome home, Alpha. You are home early today.”

“Yes,” I said simply.

“Would you like dinner prepared tonight, Sir?”

“No,” I replied. “Tonight I’d like to be left alone, if you don’t mind.”

The housekeeper smiled at me somewhat sadly, but her face was filled with understanding. “Of course, Alpha. I’ll see you aren’t disturbed.”

“Thank you.”

With that I walked away. Heading toward the stairs, I ascended them. At the top of the stairs I stopped. Glancing to my left, I spotted the closed door to Aria’s room.

I didn’t go in there as often as I used to at the start of Aria’s disappearance, yet, something about it called to me tonight. I found that I could not ignore the siren’s call, so I headed there, opened the door, and stepped inside.

The room was more or less untouched in the past five years, though, after Sheila’s destruction, many of Aria’s original things were ruined and needed to be disposed of. I had tried to replace them as best and as accurately as I could, but they were new, not lived in. Not actually touched by Aria herself.

The room felt more like a museum now than an actual place where she lived. A replica, built in her honor. Not her actual home.

The diary remained, however, tucked away in the side drawer. It gave me comfort knowing it was there, a piece of her, her thoughts and emotions. I reread it often, even though it filled me with a sense of melancholy.

To know how deeply she admired and loved me. To know how much I shattered her illusions of me, and then slowly broke her heart over the years of our marriage.

It was almost too much to bear, but I bore it.

I didn’t approach the desk now, though. My readings had started to become rarer. Loneliness was an old friend by now.

Without a sound, I turned around, exited the room, and closed the door behind me.

The next morning, I woke to the sound of my alarm. Rising from bed, I walked into my bathroom where I showered and brushed my teeth. Back in my bedroom, I selected a suit from my closet. Always black or navy blue and a matching tie. I tied my tie in the mirror in the hallway, then went downstairs.

The housekeeper had a cup of tea ready for me in a travel mug. Over the years, she’d gotten better at making it, but she still wasn’t as talented or attentive as Aria had been.

“Thank you,” I told her all the same, accepted the mug, and walked outside where Ben was waiting with the car.

“Morning, Alpha,” he said.

“Morning,” I replied and entered the backseat.

Every morning was exactly the same. My life had fallen into a routine.

Even at work, I didn’t go out of my way for anything anymore. Didn’t eat at restaurants, unless it was for a work-related meeting. I didn’t take walks. Didn’t meet new people. I didn’t even go to the gym? Why would I need to when I had one at home?

Every day was the same. Wake up, work, eat, work, go home, eat, work out, sleep. No variation was needed.

My life had lost some of its color, and now I was walking around in black and white.

The only moments of difference were when I worked to finalize the treaty.

Now that was done, I wasn’t sure what to do next.

In the office, I sat behind my desk, reading the newspaper. It was a moment of quiet I allowed myself after arriving at work, before the true work day would begin.

Typically I was left alone during this process.

Today however, something happened that broke the routine.

Ben knocked on the doorframe to my office. “Forgive the intrusion, Alpha, but we’ve discovered something, and I thought you’d want to be notified right away.”

“I’m reading my paper, Ben,” I said blandly. “I’m sure whatever it is, it can wait.”

“It’s about Aria,” Ben replied.

Immediately, I lowered the paper, so that I could see over it, to look directly at Ben. “What about Aria?”

Ben walked further into the office then, and handed me a piece of paper. On it were a list of names and phone numbers, like some kind of directory. Aria’s name was on it, highlighted.

“With the peace treaty in place, we now have access to the public records of other packs, including Moonglow,” Ben explained.

“This is from a phonebook,” I said, realizing.

“Yes,” Ben replied.

I looked down at the name and number, so simple. Aria was so close.

Yet, for a moment, I hesitated. She had been gone for five years of her own free will. She had not reached out to me at all, despite the relative ease in being able to do so.

Perhaps reaching out would be unwelcomed.

Or, maybe, like me, she hadn’t been able to forget.

I didn’t know what was right. If I kept it a friendly chat though, just making sure she was okay…

Ben watched me curiously.

Realizing I had an audience, I rallied myself and reached for the phone.