Chapter 30

Aria’s POV

Cathy had a good point, so, taking her advice, I started weeding through my case load. Piper made the calls, redirecting some of my patients to new Healers. No one seemed happy about it. An angry few even came to my office to shout at me. Fortunately, the security guard removed them before they could actually attack me.

My reputation in the papers didn’t improve. In fact, people seemed more critical of me now than ever before.

Dr. A, Legitimate Healer, Or Secret Sociopath Who Likes To Watch Others Suffer?

That tabloid headline seemed particularly cutting. Despite my best effort to have a steel spine about these things, the words still sometimes hurt.

Could no one see that I was trying my best?

“I don’t want to see anyone suffer,” I grumbled when reading it in the checkout line.

After checking out, I headed home and taking a warm shower, tried to pull my confidence back together. I had a meeting with Lucian in an hour to discuss the cooperative project some more.

As Dr. A, I couldn’t afford to fall apart at all, but especially not in front of Lucian.

“You’ve got this,” I told myself, hyping myself up. “They’ll understand eventually. They have to.”

At the meeting with Lucian, we sat on opposites sides of a conference table in the Alpha headquarters building. The room was mostly private, with only a window in the closed door that others could peak through.

With our files and paperwork stretched out between us, I did my very best to focus on the work. All of this was for the greater good. There was no reason to feel guilty with anything in this project. Here, there weren’t any wrong choices that couldn’t later be corrected.

Even so, gradually, my thoughts shifted away from the topic at hand and to my decision regarding Caleb. It seemed, as hard as I tried to think about it, the more I actually thought of it.

After a time, Lucian seemed to notice my wandering thoughts.

“Dr. A…?” he asked, startling me back to the present moment. Looking at him and the concerned way he was looking at me, I realized this hadn’t been the first time he’d called my name.

“Sorry,” I told him.

“Your mind is elsewhere today,” Lucian said. He didn’t say it kindly or unkindly, just stated facts.

“Sorry,” I said again.

He nodded. He was quiet a moment. Then, after clearing his throat, he asked, “Would you like to talk about it?”

With him? Absolutely not. Yet… the invitation was warm.

As Alpha King, he likely faced difficult decisions every day. The pack was ever in his hands and its fate often hinged on the choices that he made for it – for us.

Perhaps, out of everyone, he might have understood the most, what I was going through.

At the very least, perhaps he could offer some advice on how to steel myself against the guilt and the fear that seemed to paralyze me with indecision.

“Caleb, the war hero… His family want me to give him the medicine that would extend his life,” I found myself saying, after a moment’s more consideration.

He hummed, acknowledging my words. He didn’t seem surprised, though that itself wasn’t a shock. As Alpha King, he likely knew about every drama that went on in his pack. Or, at the very least, he watched the news.

Sheila hadn’t been kind to me. I could only hope that she didn’t bend his ear on this matter. Lucian was his own man, though. Even if she did try to talk to him about it, he wouldn’t sway his opinion just for her.

He never had for me.

“He is a hero among the pack,” Lucian said, careful with his words.

“He’s in a coma,” I said. “He has been for some time. And he’s on enough pain killers that I’m not sure what his quality of life could be like.”

Lucian frowned a little. “I didn’t know that part of it.”

“The family doesn’t want that part on the news,” I said. “I shouldn’t even be discussing this with you…”

“I won’t tell anyone,” Lucian said. “If you give him the medicine, would he wake from his coma?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “It’s possible but unlikely. But even if it did, there is his pain to consider, as well as what his own mental state might be. Once the medicine is given, it cannot be undone. He would be forced to have his life extended, even if that’s not what he wants.”

“I see.” Lucian leaned back in his chair. “This is a difficult decision, then.”

“Yes,” I said, grateful that someone – anyone – could finally see that. “This medicine… sometimes I feel as if I should cast it into the ocean and be done with it.” For many years, I had avoided this whole scenario. When Dr. A disappeared, so too did her miraculous medicine, at least out of the public eye.

For Cathy, I still made a few vials when I could. Cathy sneaked them to people who did some good for the community. Commoners, they wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise. Those choices had been much easier than this.

“It’s a miracle cure for death,” Lucian said.

I shook my head. I couldn’t disagree more. “It’s a curse,” I told him.

Lucian let the quiet fall between us once more as he studied my face. Then, after a few moments, he said, “You need to follow your heart in this.”

That startled me. As Alpha King, I’d expected him to tell me to save Caleb.

“Life is a precious gift, but no one can make a decision for the unconscious Caleb, whether to continue living or to die. It’s an impossible choice. But you are a Healer, Dr. A. You make impossible choices several times a day.”

I wished I could see myself as he saw me, with unwavering confidence in my abilities and my mindset.

“Trust in yourself,” Lucian said. “Listen to your gut. You’ve already made your decision, you just need to commit to it. Stop rationalizing it and own it. Whatever it is, you have my support.”

Looking at Lucian, I was relieved that most of my face was hidden behind a mask. If it wasn’t, he would likely see the myriad of emotions cross over my features.

My feelings for him were complex and confusing.

On one hand, I hated him for the state of our marriage, for always keeping me at arm’s distance, then denying me a divorce now that I’d caught wise to his general indifference toward me.

On the other hand, he was a truly respectable person, a good listener when he wanted to be, and a man worthy of my past love.

After speaking with him, I knew what I had to do. It wouldn’t be easy, settling on this choice, but it was the only one my heart would let me make.

Lucian was right. I had already made my choice. I just needed to listen to my heart and to my gut and stop running from it.

Standing, I hoped to rectify that as soon as possible.

But I stood too fast.

My dizziness returned in a flash and I wobbled dangerously on my feet.

“Dr. A?” Lucian asked, alarm in his voice. Concern widened his eyes.

He reached for me, and at the same moment, I fainted.