Chapter 56

Aria’s POV

My words stunned Lucian speechless. He stared at me wordlessly for several long moments, his mouth tightly shut. A muscle at the corner of his jaw ticked.

“You…” he began, then stopped himself short. He tried twice more. “Aria… How…” Each time, he abruptly quieted.

I had said what I said, and I couldn’t take it back now, no matter how much the words left a sour taste in my mouth.

If this was what I had to do to finally push Lucian into signing the divorce, then I would see it through, even if it hurt us both.

Eventually, I reasoned, he would find words to properly express how he felt, but for both our sakes, I needed to end this before that happened.

“You understand now,” I said. I attempted to be cold, but my voice still cracked. “I-I don’t want to hear from you again unless it’s to discuss arrangements for the divorce.”

I turned away from him, ready to go inside and let the tears I’d been shoving back fall, but Lucian caught me by the wrist, stilling me.

“We don’t have to do this, Aria,” he said, a strange thing happening to his voice. Typically, he was so calm and collected, he spoke to me as he would someone at a board meeting. But now, with this, he almost sounded a little desperate.

I didn’t look back at him, afraid that if I saw a change in him, it would make me stray from the path.

This is too little, too late, I reminded myself.

At the same time, I didn’t look because I was just as afraid that there would be no change and, in expecting one, I’d only be hurting myself again.

“Let me go,” I said.

Lucian froze for only a moment more. We both stood there, still, as if waiting in anticipation for something to happen.

Then, he released his hold on me.

I swung the arm he held up to my chest and hurried forward. My hand shook as I found my keys, unlocked the front door to Cathy’s house, and then disappeared inside, sealing the door shut behind me and locking Lucian outside.

For a long while, I stood at the door with my forehead pressed against it. Knowing Lucian was just on the other side of it was torturous. How much I wanted to throw the door open, run back to him, and tell him to forget the whole divorce, just let me be his wife again.

For myself and for the baby, I had to be strong.

I couldn’t hear Lucian leave, but my wolf must have been able to discern it.

“He’s gone,” she said in my mind.

“Am I doing the right thing?” I whispered to her and to myself.

Neither of us had an answer.

After spending a few moments to collect myself, I carried Matt’s letter into my bedroom. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I carefully unsealed the envelope.

Part of me didn’t want to read whatever was written inside of here. Matt was a friend, not a romantic partner, despite what I might have implied to Lucian. I was already feeling embarrassed about what Matt might say within.

The other part of me was willing to hear Matt out. He’d been brave enough to come to me with his feelings. Turning him away without acknowledging those feelings would have been a grave insult.

The man was kind enough to care for me, even so much that he could see the real me behind my Dr. A mask. The least I could do was read this letter.

I should hear him out. Though I didn’t see Matt romantically, I wished I could. I suspected Cathy might have been right when she said the fastest way to get over someone was to start dating someone else.

For all of those reasons, once the envelope was torn open, I withdrew the letter. It was simple, plain stationary folded once in half. Unfolding it, I lowered my gaze and read Matt’s heartfelt words.

My dear Aria,

So briefly we dated. A flash in the pan before your life as Luna. But our time together was special to me.

In our years apart, I placed my feelings for you behind me, and tried to move on. Yet, seeing you again and spending time with you has caused those feelings to resurface. Not only that, they’ve grown. Now, I care for you even stronger than ever before.

With your divorce, I know your heart is in turmoil, but I hope, that once it heals, you will come to think of me as more than a friend.

I await the day you might consider being mine.

Because I am always –

Yours,

Matt

I reread the letter three, then four times, my heart warmed by his obvious love for me.

If only I could return that love back to him.

Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine a life with Matt. As a warrior, he would be away a lot, but he would provide well for me and the children. When he returned there would be excitement and anticipation. Would we appreciate each other more if we couldn’t see each other so often?

I imagined waiting by the door for him to arrive home. When I would hear the key turn in the lock, I’d rush to the door, through it open and –

Even in my mind, the man standing behind the door was Lucian.

My heart, which had been filled with warmth, now felt heavy in my chest. Opening my eyes, I looked down at the letter again and sighed.

As much as I might have wanted otherwise, my entire being still yearned for Lucian, my husband and mate.

Matt was a kind man. These words written here were beautiful. I never would have expected something so romantic and so eloquent from a man so blunt and straightforward. He must have spent a great deal of time pouring over this, reworking and rewriting until it was just right.

How I wished I could love him.

Unfortunately, though I admired the words he wrote and saw him as a dear friend, I could not make any romantic feelings stir within me for Matt. Despite everything that had happened between us, my heart still wanted Lucian.

So, moving to my desk, I prepared a sheet of my own stationary, and wrote a reply.

My friendship would always be his, even if my heart would never be.

Finishing the letter, I sat back in my desk chair and exhaled heavily.

Hating that this letter would undoubtedly hurt Matt, I vowed to work harder to move on from Lucian.

When the time came, I would leave Nightfall pack behind. I would never be able to fully move forward by keeping such attachments in the past. Lucian wasn’t the man I needed him to be. I needed to accept that.

Suddenly, the phone rang, and I jumped so high that I nearly fell out of my chair.

Heart thundering in my chest, I was filled with fear. Despite everything I had said and thought and felt, what would I do if this was Lucian calling, finally ready to give me my divorce?

“No,” I whispered. “Please, no.”

I wasn’t ready.