Chapter 86

Jasper’s POV

Jasper had known Lucian all his life, but this was the first time he had ever seen Lucian looking so defeated. The Alpha King, usually so regal and composed, was, in this moment, like a shadow of his former self. He was hollowed out, curled in on himself with his forehead pressed to the steering wheel.

“I should pull over,” he said, and Jasper was glad he was at least in the state of mind to still understand reason when he heard it, even if he was presently unable to think of it for himself.

Lifting his head, Lucian pulled the car over into the parking lot of a small park. This late at night, the park was empty and the parking lot barren.

Lucian put the car in park and then turned off the ignition, but for a long moment neither he nor Jasper moved, not even to get out of the car.

Jasper felt like he was watching the sharp end of a pin come very near a full, helium balloon. He was bracing for the pop.

“Is the guilt really this bad?” Jasper asked, not entirely convinced that Lucian wasn’t faking this whole thing. He didn’t fully understand to what purpose, perhaps to win Aria back? But Jasper wasn’t sure. “This can’t be your fault. That doesn’t make sense.”

“The monster that Sheila has become is my fault,” Lucian said. “I allowed it, and I am unable to contain it.”

“You are the Alpha King,” Jasper reminded him. “You have power over all of us. Why is she so special that she doesn’t have to listen to you?”

“Because,” Lucian replied. “I am responsible for her.”

That didn’t make sense. As Alpha King, he was responsible for every person in the kingdom.

Lucian, glancing at Jasper, must have seen the confusion.

“It’s a long story,” Lucian said.

“We wait here or we wait at the hospital,” Jasper said. “I’d rather know what the hell is going on before you have another breakdown.”

Lucian rubbed his forehead as he leaned back in his seat.

“Years ago, after rejecting Sheila, she requested that I find her a good man to help support her instead.”

Jasper could guess, knowing Sheila as she was now, and had always been, however Lucian actually remembered it, that Sheila’s ‘request’ was more of a ‘demand.’

“I had a few long-time friends at that time, many of whom had not yet tied themselves down,” Lucian continued. “Sheila could turn more than a few heads, so, even though I had just ended things with Sheila, my friend agreed.”

“Travis,” Jasper said, remembering Sheila’s former mate. The man who had been kicked out of the pack under mysterious circumstances.

“Yes. Travis. I’d known him since we were children. To my knowledge, he’d always been honorable and forthright. He was a good citizen. He worked hard, had a good income. He should have given Sheila a stable, happy life and a brood of children.”

Lucian lowered his head, his eyes darkening with anger.

“Instead, he caused her nothing but terror and heartache. I had no idea at the time, or I would have intervened. But I learned later that Travis lived something of a double life. In public, he was a good man, but behind closed doors, he led a promiscuous lifestyle. He even hosted several debauched sex parties.”

Jasper tilted his head, thinking back. Debauched sex parties weren’t his scene but because of his playboy reputation, he had accumulated more than a few invitations over the years.

Not once had he received an invitation from Travis.

“Sheila told me…” Lucian hands gripped into hard fists. Taking a breath, he seemed to force his palms open again. “Over the course of their marriage, Sheila endured many traumatic experiences. She was often forced to take part in things she hadn’t consented to… like forced sexual encounters with males other than her mate. She had many miscarriages in this time.”

Jasper frowned, disgust rising in his stomach. He never understood the appeal of such an act. He much preferred his women to be enthusiastically consenting. He wanted his partners to be as in the moment as he was, enjoying themselves as much as him. Anything else made him want to be sick.

And was another reason he avoided those types of parties.

“This time period was what caused her infertility,” Lucian said.

So the sex with males other than her mates was not consensual. That explained in part why Lucian was so adamant in wanting to protect Sheila. Though it did not explain the guilt.

“None of this was your fault,” Jasper said.

“I introduced them,” Lucian said.

“Lots of people introduce lots of people,” Jasper said. “That doesn’t mean you made him a monster.”

If he was one. Jasper still wasn’t sure. Sheila was a compulsive liar. She had been even before she and Lucian split. Lucian was a good leader but he had a soft spot for people who he believed he wronged. This let Sheila lie to his face, near constantly, and Lucian just had to endure it.

“This isn’t just about introducing them,” Jasper said.

“I have wrecked Sheila’s entire life,” Lucian said. “I rejected her. I introduced her to a man who did horrible things to her. This caused her infertility. One domino after the next all started with the first one.”

“You didn’t love her,” Jasper said. “But you still tried to do right by her. How can you see that you are not in the wrong? You don’t owe her anything.”

Lucian shook his head. Whatever Jasper said couldn’t penetrate the sheer amount of self-loathing and guilt Lucian had padded around himself from years of Sheila’s tears and lies.

“Sheila suffered so much that she was driven to the brink of insanity,” Lucian said. “There she remains, always on the edge of losing her temper and herself. It’s all the trauma, Jasper. And it’s all my fault. It all stems from me.”

“You need to stop giving yourself so much credit,” Jasper said.

“It’s the dominos,” Lucian continued. “I ruined Sheila’s life and made her into the monster that she is, which stressed out my father so much, his heart is weak. Gods know what is happening to him right now.”

Lucian ran a hand through his hair. “For years, I tried to help Sheila, giving her what I thought she needed while supporting her as best I could. Yet, instead of helping Sheila, I seemed to only enable her. And in doing so, I pushed Aria away.”

Jasper straightened at hearing Aria’s name. Lucian was always so headstrong, so confident and cool. Hearing him take so much guilt for literally everything that went on around him made Jasper feel uneasy.

Yet, in this. With Aria. Lucian’s favoritism with Sheila was what ultimately drove Aria away and destroyed their marriage.

Jasper just never thought he’d hear Lucian admit it.

“I have so many sins to atone for,” Lucian said. “I just hope my father doesn’t have to pay the price.”

Jasper was shocked. Now, suddenly, he had so much more understanding of Lucian. It was as if all the missing puzzle pieces had been filled, giving Jasper a clearer picture of the man Lucian was.

He wasn’t cold, indifferent, or even haughty.

He was just a man weighed down by too much responsibility and guilt.