Chapter 12

Celeste

The morning sun streamed through the tall windows of my lecture hall, casting a golden glow over my notes.

It was difficult to focus knowing that my dress was waiting for me in my closet at home. I was excited to run home to check on it, to see how the stains looked now that it was dry.

As class came to a close, however, my mind began to wander to lunch. I skipped breakfast that morning, and dinner the night before. I was feeling weak and sick to my stomach, but the pangs of hunger were a constant reminder of my goal: to shed a few pounds for the ball.

It was likely a futile effort; I had gone through phases like this in the past where I tried to starve myself to lose some weight, only to binge at the end of it all and hate myself even more. It would likely be no different this time, but I hoped to at least save the binging for after the dance.

Walking out of the classroom, I was greeted by Fiona’s familiar chirpy voice.

“Celeste! Wait up! Fancy some grub?”

I mustered a smile, still deeply engrossed in my internal debate of what I should eat.

“Yeah,” I murmured, feeling my face turn a slight shade of red. “Let's hit the dining hall.”

Our conversation flowed as we made our way there, mostly about our professors and the latest campus gossip. Yet, I was still distracted by the underlying anxiety of lunch.

Upon entering, I immediately grabbed a salad, ensuring my portion was small. Aside from the salad, which only consisted of iceberg lettuce, a few cherry tomatoes, and some cucumbers, I picked up a bottle of unsweetened green tea.

Fiona, meanwhile, went for a more hearty meal of pasta with chicken. Just seeing it made my mouth water; my body craved the carbs and protein.

“That’s all you’re having?” Fiona asked, eyeing my salad.

“I, um, had a big breakfast,” I lied, forcing a smile.

We settled at our usual spot by the window, but Fiona’s eyes stayed fixed on mine. She could see right through me; she had always been like that.

“You look exhausted,” she pointed out, frowning. “Tell me you’ve been eating well.”

I shrugged. “I’m fine.” Another lie.

Fiona, giving up for the time being, changed the subject to other matters.

As we talked, I hesitantly picked at my food, taking the smallest bites. My stomach protested, growling louder with every nibble.

My eyes wandered, observing other girls devouring burgers, fries, and pasta. I felt a pang of envy—how could they eat so freely and maintain such perfect figures?

I must've been too engrossed in my thoughts, for Fiona suddenly leaned in, her brows furrowing with concern.

“Hello?” she asked, waving her hand in front of my face. “Earth to Celeste? Ground control to Major Celeste?”

I forced a smile and dropped my fork, opting for a sip of my bitter green tea instead. “Sorry,” I replied. “I think I zoned out.”

“Yeah,” Fiona said, narrowing her eyes as she glanced back and forth between me and my pathetic little salad. “I’ll say. You’ve hardly touched your food. You’re scaring me.”

My gaze fell onto the salad in front of me. Finally, I couldn’t contain it anymore.

“It’s just… I wish I could eat like them and still look good.” I sighed, gesturing toward the girls around us.

Fiona followed my gaze and smirked. “You think they've got it all figured out?” she murmured. “Look closer.”

She discreetly jerked her head towards a girl with a plate of pasta. “See her? She’s been poking at her food for the last ten minutes and hasn't taken a single bite.”

I followed her gaze. And sure enough, she was right. That girl had been there since before we sat down, and her food was completely untouched.

She was pretending to be engrossed in her conversation with her friend sitting across from her, but I could see the empty look in her eyes and the hollowness of her cheeks. Her hands were shaking slightly, no doubt from dangerously low blood sugar.

“And her.” Fiona nodded towards another girl who had just rushed past us to the bathrooms after finishing her meal.

She was now emerging from the bathrooms with a pallid look on her face, and was popping breath mints into her mouth in rapid succession. She had gone to throw up.

A heavy sigh escaped me. “Everyone has something, don’t they?”

Fiona nodded, taking my hand. “The point is, it’s not just you. Everyone's fighting their own battles, even if they hide it well. But you? You’re beautiful as you are, Celeste.”

I chuckled bitterly. “Easy for you to say.”

“Listen,” she began, “If it's about feeling more fit, let's do it together. We can hit the gym, lift some weights—get in shape healthily. Starving yourself is no way to take care of your body. In fact, starving yourself will only make it harder to lose weight. Exercise and a healthy, balanced diet are the way to go.”

My eyes widened in horror. “The gym? Me? You’re joking, right?”

Fiona's grin widened, “Dead serious. Trust me, it'll be fun!”

I shook my head nervously, my gaze falling down to my lap as my fingers worried at the hem of my shirt. “No way in hell, Fiona,” I muttered, still shaking my head. “I’m not cut out for the gym. I’ll be laughed right out of there.”

Fiona let out a low, annoyed groan. “C’mon, Celeste,” she urged. “Everyone has to start somewhere. And besides, I’ll be with you. It’ll be fine, and it’ll be a good way for you to build confidence; you have to get out of your shell!”

A silence hung between us. Slowly, I lifted my gaze to meet Fiona’s ecstatic eyes. She had a cheeky grin plastered across her face.

It was hard to say no to Fiona when she was this enthusiastic. “Alright,” I murmured, letting out a deep sigh. “But only if you promise to stay by my side.”

“Deal,” she replied, sealing it with a fist bump. “Now… Here.” She grabbed my salad and used her fork to drop several juicy pieces of her chicken on top, then handed it back to me. “Eat a good lunch. You need the protein.”

…

The day went by in a blur. Before I knew it, Fiona was dragging me towards the campus gym. My heart raced as we changed into our workout gear.

I felt so exposed, even though I had thrown on the baggiest t-shirt and sweatpants I owned.

Upon entering, the noisy clank of weights and the echo of footsteps filled the room. I could feel a dozen eyes on me. Each gaze felt like a piercing judgment.

“C’mon,” Fiona said, taking my hand as she began to lead me toward the treadmills. “Let’s get to work.”

Reluctantly, I followed my friend.

But I froze when I saw him.

Matt, surrounded by his buddies, lifting weights. He had on a tight shirt with short sleeves, showing off his bulging biceps and chest muscles. He was bench pressing an ungodly amount of weight like it was nothing, and was holding a conversation with one of his friends the entire time.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away as he finished his set and re-racked his weights.

“Celeste?” Fiona urged. But I was frozen.

And then… He looked up, and our eyes met. The world seemed to stop. My face felt like it was on fire. Everything else fell away.

Now, it was nothing but me and Matt; and a raging sea between us.