Chapter 76

I hurried into my room, away from the party, away from my brother, and away from Matt’s piercing gaze. It confused me. Why did he look at me that way? As if he actually cared? As if I actually meant more to him rather than just being his best friend’s little sister?

I shook my head as I took off my thin jacket. I should just let it go. It wouldn’t do for me to speculate anything, especially when I knew that Matt had feelings for Rose. Even if I was Rose, Matt didn’t know that. And he definitely didn’t seem the two-timing type anyway.

Besides, I had to end things with him tonight. I couldn’t keep up this charade any longer. It wasn’t fair to me or to him. Guilt poured in again. I should never have become Rose. What was wrong with me?

I sat down at my desk, powering up my laptop. Anxiety squeezed my insides so tight that I felt like I was going to explode. I didn’t know what I was going to find when I opened the chat, but considering the way Matt had acted earlier, it probably wasn’t going to be good.

As soon as I opened the app, ‘60 Unread Messages’ in bright red greeted me. My pulse skyrocketed and I pressed my lips together. God, I was a horrible person. Matt must have been more worried than he let on.

I skimmed through the messages clearly, each one sounding more frantic than the last. Eventually it devolved into question marks, but it was the final message that broke my heart.

Rose, please. If you’re breaking up with me, I’ll be fine. Just let me know you’re okay. Please.

Tears spilled out of my eyes. Matt was way too good for me. He deserved so much better than me. He didn’t deserve to be lied to like this. I put my head in my hands, a war going on in my heart. A war that would have no winners.

A chime went off. I looked up, wiping at my face. It was another message from Matt.

Rose? Are you there?

My breath hitched. He had noticed that I had read the messages. He must have had the app open, just waiting for Rose to respond. An ache tore through my chest and I put my hand over it like I could find relief that way. I rubbed at the spot, staring blankly at the screen. I didn’t know what to say.

Rose, please say something.

I let out a shuddering breath. I could do this. I was strong. I was brave. I could do this.

Hey, Matt.

I watched as the three dots of doom popped up and then disappeared. This happened several more times as Matt deleted his response over and over again. I guess he was having a hard time finding what to say.

Rose! Where have you been? I’ve been so worried…Are you okay?

I stifled a sob. I knew he must have been angry, but here he was, still asking about me and my well-being first. And no, I wasn’t okay. I had just been attacked by a homeless man, but I couldn’t tell him that because he’d just heard the same story from me.

I’m okay. I’m sorry I haven’t been responding. I’ve just been busy. I didn’t mean to make you worry.

I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth, chewing on it. I hoped that was a good enough answer for him. I didn’t really have a reason for why Rose had been so busy and I wasn’t sure any excuse I gave him would make sense anyway.

It’s okay. I understand. I’ve been busy too. I know how it can get. I’m just glad that everything’s okay.

I groaned inwardly. Why did he have to be so perfect? Why did this have to be so hard? Forget what I’d said earlier. I wasn’t strong. I wasn’t brave. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t do this at all.

What are you doing right now? I’ve missed you.

Oh, I’m just sitting in my room, enjoying a much needed break. I wish I could be with you right now.

Then why don’t you come over to Jack’s? He’s having a party and I know he wouldn’t care if one more person showed up. You can even wear your mask if you’d like. I don’t want to put any kind of pressure on you.

I bit the inside of my cheek. It was really tempting, but the party was too small. There weren't enough people to be able to blend in. Jack would have a clear view and I knew he would recognize me immediately. The risk was way too high.

I wish I could, but I’m so tired. This whole week has been exhausting. I just want to chill in my room and watch some TV and maybe pass out. It would just be better if you were here.

I can always leave and come to you.

I let out a watery laugh. I had to hand it to him. Matt was very persistent. He was the very definition of ‘if he wanted to, he would.’ He was seriously the perfect boyfriend. And he was mine…kind of.

The thought was sobering. I didn’t have Matt. Not really. He was practically in love with Rose. No matter what he said about not caring about looks, I just didn’t think he would accept me as me. How could he when I was just Jackie’s chubby little sister?

No, don’t leave the party. You promised Jack first.

You’re so sweet. Always thinking about other people. That’s what I like about you.

Fresh tears started. He was wrong. He was so wrong. I didn’t think about other people. I was the epitome of selfishness. If you looked ‘selfish’ up in the dictionary, my picture would be right there next to the definition. If I thought about other people, I wouldn’t have been doing this to him.

A sob escaped my throat. It was loud in the silence of my room, but I knew that no one at the party would hear me. Not with the music playing in the living room. So I cried with abandon, almost wailing in my misery.

A message alert popped up and I blearily stared at the screen.

Hey, I hate to end this conversation short, but I have to go. I have to check something out.

I sobbed harder. I didn’t want to stop talking to Matt, even if it hurt me like this. I was so deeply in love with him. I knew I was too far gone and I should have never started this. It had made my crush that much worse and it was killing me.

I had been so wrong. Someone had heard me. And that someone burst into my room without knocking. The door slammed against the wall with a bang and I jumped, nearly falling out of my chair.

If it were anyone, I expected it to be Jack, but it wasn’t. No, it was worse than Jack. Because the person I was staring at was Matt and he looked absolutely wild.