Chapter 89

Celeste

I had lost my freedom completely. I had lost Matt completely. I had lost all of my chances to be happy. It felt like my life was over and maybe it was.

Jack didn't let me leave the house without an escort. He had spies all over the campus. I couldn't deviate from my normal schedule, even if it was just for a bathroom break, without getting an irate call asking me what I was doing.

But that wasn't the worst consequence of being outed as Rose. I hadn't seen Matt since the ball and he was ignoring all of my calls and texts. It was like I had ceased to exist to him.

And I supposed I deserved it. I had been lying to him. Not only through messages,but to his face. I had wanted to break things off with him at the ball, which would have resulted in losing him as Rose, but I would have still had him as Celeste, even if it was just as friends.

I hadn't realized exactly how much Matt meant to me until he wasn't in my life anymore, period. I would rather have him as a friend than nothing at all. It was killing me inside.

In fact, I had been walking around campus like a zombie. Nothing really mattered to me anymore. Not the lectures, not the people, not food. I couldn't even remember the last time I had eaten something.

Which was probably why Fiona and Alyx cornered me after our last class before lunch. They stood in front of me, arms crossed over their chests, staring down with equal looks of pity and impatience.

"We're taking you to lunch," Fiona said in a tone that I had never heard from her before. I looked away. I felt guilty for worrying them, but I couldn't bring myself to care enough to fix it.

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled as I packed away my things. I could try to make a run for it. I knew all of the best hiding places on campus. I had to if I wanted a moment's peace from Jack.

"That's too damn bad. We're taking you to lunch," Alyx snapped and before I could so much as take a step, he grabbed me by the waist and threw me over his shoulder like I was a ragdoll.

"Don't you think that's a bit much?" Fiona asked, but I knew her well enough that I could hear the approval in her voice.

"As long as she eats, it's not," Alyx said gruffly, putting my bag on his other shoulder and walking out of the classroom.

I just hung there limply, bouncing off of Alyx's strong back with each step he took. I didn't have enough energy to argue or fight back. In any other circumstance, this might have been fun, but right now I just wanted the world to swallow me up.

Whispers broke out around us as we came out into the hallway. Words like 'slut' and 'whore' reached my ears. Tears filled my eyes. Is that how everyone saw me now? Just a girl that used men however she pleased?

And then, to my horror, I heard Matt's name being called out.

"Look, Matt, now you don't have to feel bad about dumping her. She's already moved on like the slut that she is. You dodged a bullet, man." I could only assume it was one of his hockey buddies. I didn't recognize the voice. At least it wasn't Jack.

I lifted my head up, just enough to see the look on Matt's face. It wasn't good. In fact, he looked positively angry and disgusted. I started wiggling in Alyx's arms. I wanted to get down.

Unfortunately, Alyx didn't get the memo. His arm tightened around me and he lightly slapped my butt. "Stop it or I'm going to drop you."

A moan slipped out, not out of lust but despair. However, the students around us apparently couldn't tell the difference between the two if their whoops of excitement were anything to go by.

Alyx froze as did I. I hadn’t meant to make that kind of noise. Or, even if I did, it should not have been loud enough for everyone to hear. But it was too late to take it back.

“Did you hear that, Matt? Did you know that she liked to have her ass slapped?” his friend asked and if I had thought Matt was angry before, it was nothing compared to the rage that came over his face now.

I cringed. Even if I somehow managed to get Matt to forgive me, there would be no romance going forward for us after this. He probably really did see me as a slut. God, I was such a horrible person.

“Let’s just get out of here,” Fiona muttered darkly and began to lead us through the crowd. No matter how much Alyx tried to dodge people, I had about ten of them smack my ass, begging for me to make the same kind of noise.

Eventually Alyx removed me from his shoulder and princess-carried me the rest of the way to the cafeteria. He sat me down at one of the benches before sliding in next to me. He sent Fiona off to fetch all of our food.

I laid my head on the table, blocking out the rest of the world. I shouldn’t have kept going to school. I should have just taken a break and stayed at home. At least until the whole thing had been forgotten.

Alyx ran a hand up and down my back in comfort. I leaned into him. He was the only boy who was nice to me, who wasn’t phased by Jack’s threats. He and Fiona were all I had now. I decided I should rely on them as much as I could.

“It’ll be okay, Celeste. They’ll get over it eventually. If you feel like you’re at rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up,” Alyx said in a soft voice and I hated to admit that he was right. I did feel like I was at rock bottom. I couldn’t possibly go any lower.

I lifted up my head slowly and was rewarded with a genuine smile. “There’s my girl!”

I would be lying if I said that his words didn’t make my heart flutter. I wanted to be someone’s girl so badly. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I had wanted it so badly that I'd lied to the boy I loved for a very long time. Maybe I didn’t know what love really was.

Alyx’s grin slowly shifted into a darker smile at whatever he saw in my eyes. My traitorous body shivered at the sight. Well, at least something was working.

Fiona came back minutes later, a tray filled with enough pizza to feed at least five people. She piled slice after slice onto a plate and set it in front of me.

“Eat!” she demanded and I reluctantly took a slice and nibbled on it. It tasted like cardboard and instantly made me feel queasy. But I was able to finish three slices as both my friends watched me like a hawk.