Chapter 1 Sometimes It Just Doesn't

Hope

I pump my legs hard picking up speed so I have the momentum to go over this last wall obstacle. I hit it and grab the rope, helping to pull myself up, and then I go over, landing in the dirt and rolling to absorb the impact of the fall/jump from the top of the wall. Then I use the roll to gain my feet and keep running. I cross the finish and start to slow my stride, until I’m walking. Then I keep walking with my hands on top of my head to keep my lungs open as I just breathe and cool my body down. 

I run this thing at least twice per day, once in the morning, and once in the late afternoon, the only exception when it was too cold to bundle up and still run it. It’s late afternoon right now, so I’m the only one still out here. My brothers and sisters give me a hard time about my obsession with perfecting my running of the obstacle course out here, well the ones who are still in the training facility do. Quite a few of them are not here or at least not still attending the training facility. 

As I walk closer to the house, I see Brand standing leaning against the fence just watching me. No doubt he is very aware of my anxiety and perhaps even the reason for it. He does a lot with the physical fitness parts of the training, so he maintains this whole course and he watches me run it a lot of the time. 

“You made good time tonight.” I just nod without giving any commentary. 

As I start to walk past him he reaches out and grabs my arm gently, and I turn and look at him seeing in his face what he’s trying to warn me of without actually coming out and saying anything. They are in the main room of the house hanging out with Dillion and Jeremy tonight. I’m not sure if it is just him or they are together, not that in the end it matters anyway. I really don’t want to mess with this right now. I just nod my head still not saying anything. 

“Are you ever going to tell him and talk to him about this Hope?” He looks at me sympathetically. Part I know is just because he’s my big brother and he kind of looks out for all of us that are still here, and the other is because he’s empathic and he can feel what I’m feeling to a degree, and I’m sorry that he’s stuck with that steaming pile of crap personally. 

“What should I say Brand? What exactly do I tell him? I mean, he’s head over heels in love with her, and he is not afraid to announce it to the whole world. So, next Tuesday, when I hit eighteen, this whole thing will blow up in our faces. Is there some way to tell him that? Am I supposed to say, hey, sorry bud, but I know you only think of me as one of your best friends, and kind of see me as one of the guys, but the truth is you are my mate. Oh, yeah, my dragon told me early, so there’s that. Now, he will know, and he’s going to choose her, and I have to get prepared for that. I won’t ask him to choose me instead and you know that. He loves her, so I want him to be happy. It appears he thinks that means he needs her, so there’s that.” 

“Well, he might surprise you, ya know.” I can hear the lie in that bullshit right now. 

“Brand, you know as well as I do, you can’t force it, and if you try you are just setting yourself up for bullshit, look at mom. Dads all forced it with her and made her life into a total fucking hell, and I will never do anything like that in a million years.” 

“You know that’s not the same fucking thing Hope. You are not talking about kidnapping him and running off to another country and shit. So, no, that’s not what it’s like. Yeah, normally we find our mates and they feel it too. Unfortunately, as we’ve learned, gargoyle shifters are one of the few species whose mate bonds don’t fully kick in and mature until both of the parties involved turn eighteen. So, he’s going to discover what you are to him, and he might even know that you’ve been feeling it now for more than a year. So, the pull might be strong enough that he chooses you.” I run my hands up and rip my ponytail holder out and rub my hands on my sweaty scalp, then throw my hair up again. 

“If the bond forces his hand, is he really choosing me, or is he being hijacked by the bond, and he’s going to hate me and come to resent me for standing in the way of him and his true love? So, in two days, when I turn eighteen, he’ll feel it, and if you are right, I think it’s still going to turn out bad, and if I am right, he’s going to hate me anyway and reject the bond. So, there’s all that and I have to be ready for all of it, because it’s coming whether I want it to or not.” 

Brand reaches out and pulls me into a big brother hug, and I hug him back, understanding he’s only trying to help, and he wants me to be happy. He should know though, that happiness doesn’t always happen. Sometimes happy skips right along on its merry way while flipping you off and giving you a huge fuck you. So, now this will be my huge fuck you, and I have to be ready. I have made a promise to myself that I will not break down and get hysterical. I won’t beg for his love and affection, because it’s not mine, period. 

When I enter the common room on the way to the stairs where the family rooms are located I see the whole group of them. They have a new game console that Jeremy got recently. Now they are all playing on it and having fun with each other. 

I see he’s got her in his lap, and they are playing together. He’s curled around her protectively and whispering in her ear. She throws her head back and laughs, and he smiles at her in a way I have never seen him look at anyone else, especially not me. He sees me as just a friend, “one of the guys”. He turns to me and waves me over but I shake my head, and he tilts his at me like he’s trying to figure out what’s up. I just smile and hope it doesn’t look as plastic as it feels. 

Nope, I can’t be around him. I have to psyche myself up for the worst heartbreak of my whole entire life, and my time is running out.