Chapter 2 If I'm Not Your Happy

Hope

It’s Tuesday, and I’m sitting on the end of my bed. I need to go downstairs but I’m trying to get myself together. I am trying to stop the tears that are rolling down my face. I hear my dragon purr to me trying to make me feel better. I offer her affection, but she can't really help me right this second. In fact, I’m probably going to have to figure out how to keep her back, as she’s going to probably want to challenge her, and I can’t let her do that. The other thing that can’t happen is her pulling every single dragon here out and causing a huge thing. 

Sometimes being what they call a “Dragon Whisperer” is cool and then there are times when it’s a pain in the ass. It’s not always convenient for every single dragon in a dragon training facility to suddenly shift no matter where they are or what they are doing. I’ve gotten very good and controlling the power over the years, but when I get extremely emotional sometimes it’s harder. So, today is probably going to fucking suck for all sorts of reasons. 

I go into my bathroom and wash my face for like the third time. Then I pull my shoulders back and try to psyche myself up for all of this. I can’t keep putting off the inevitable. So, it’s best to bite the bullet as they say and get it over with. 

I open my door, walk down the hall, and make my way downstairs. I hear laughing and I know the guys are having breakfast before training classes start up in about an hour. I am hoping I don’t have a large audience for this, and I hope my brothers stay the hell out of it. It is what it is, and that is just the way life goes sometimes. Even if you are a big powerful dragon. 

When I reach the bottom of the staircase I can feel the tingles of magic rippling all over my skin. The laughter in the other room cuts off and as I walk into the small dining room that was created for students of the facility, the pull gets stronger and stronger, and I know he’s in there. As I walk through the door he looks up and his eyes change, and I’m sure mine do as well. 

I hear a whisper of, “Mate” uttered from him.

My dragon immediately purrs back, “Mate”, and then I see his eyes change back and that’s when I see the whole demeanor change and know he’s pissed, like I chose to do this or something. I smirk in a sad way and nod my head towards the outside. 

He pushes away from the table angrily and my brothers are watching with very perplexed looks no doubt having heard what we both said, and not understanding his reaction. Too bad that I very much do. 

He follows me and I can almost feel the irritation and confusion as well as a hefty dose of anger aimed at me and engulfing him. I sigh a huge sigh, and keep pushing my dragon back, making her stay away, and trying to explain to her that this is not going to end well or be a good thing. To her though, she’s found her mate, that’s all she knows and cares about. Of course she’s rather known who he was for a while now and hated him associating with other girls. However, until it clicked with him the full force of it was nowhere near this strong. 

As we get to the courtyard there are some early risers out here already, and I actually see my grandfather, David, with a couple of the older ones. He watches me and Rogan walking past, and he’s curious but I shake my head and he nods to me. 

I walk us all the way to the first line of trees so we’re not out in the middle of everyone on display for this whole fucked up thing. Then I take a deep breath and turn around facing him. 

“How long have you known Hope?” he seethes at me. 

I hang and shake my head, “Over a year now actually.” 

He grips his hair in frustration, “Why the fuck would you not say anything?” 

Now I get a bit defensive, “Oh, and what was I supposed to say, Rogan? Oh, hey I know you and Melissa are totally in love with each other, but I’m your mate. I know you don’t feel anything for me, but I promise in just about a year and four months you sure will. What would you have honestly done, Rogan?” 

He rubs his face vigorously, and I can see him struggling with his gargoyle as much as I’m struggling with my dragon, then he finally says what I knew he would, “I can’t leave her. I love her so damn much, Hope. I can’t live without her, no matter if she’s my mate or not. You may be my mate because of some chemical imperative or what the hell ever, but she’s my heart and soul, and I won’t give her up, not even for you. I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel.” 

One tear escapes from my grip on myself but I quickly whisk it away, “I know, Rogan. I’ve known the whole entire time. That’s why I didn’t mess with it and muck it up for you and her and me in the long run. So, now, you already know what you have to do, so if you are going to do it please don’t make this harder for me and drag it out. It’s going to hurt bad enough already, but I want you to be happy. Above anything else I want you to be happy. So, if your happy isn’t with me, but with her, then that’s what I want for you no matter what.” 

“Fuck, Hope, why the hell do you have to be so fucking reasonable all the god damn time. I never wanted to do this or hurt you, but I can’t live without her. So, I Rogan Husethin, reject you, Hope Balaur, as my mate.” I saw him grit his teeth, no doubt hurting himself with that statement. 

Then I do the only thing I possibly can, I grit my teeth and push out the words, “I, Hope Balaur, accept your rejection.” I feel the snap, and it recoils like a knife straight into my chest. 

I hear him suck in a breath and grunt like he’s been gut punched. I manage to stay standing but it’s tough. I don’t move and I don’t speak after that. What’s there left to say. He looks at me briefly then turns and leaves. Once he’s far enough away I fall to my knees and finally let the tears fall. 

Now, I have to figure out how to live without my heart and soul.