Chapter 26
Viviane’s POV
The morning after the Pack Games, I wake feeling dazed and weary. In the bright light of dawn, all the drama of the past few days feels surreal and distant, as if it happened to someone else. None of the events swirling through my memory feel real, and yet I know they were.
The guard posted outside my front door tells me as much, as does my mother’s tense expression and quiet anger. No one has seen hide nor hair of James since Caspian beat my location out of him, and though he was obsequiously polite and gentle throughout the kidnapping, I can’t deny that it frightens me to know he’s out there somewhere.
Jasper assured us James would cause no further problems, but I couldn’t help noticing Caspian’s silence on the matter. Nor did it escape me that his guard on the apartment had doubled by the time we got home. Mom noticed too, and though she’d refused to speak to me until we were in the privacy of our tiny flat, she made her feelings very clear once we arrived.
“Has it not occurred to you that those guards out there aren’t for your protection at all, and he’s just using that as an excuse to control you, to keep tabs on you?” She questioned hotly.
In truth it hadn’t occurred to me, but I’m also connected to Caspian in a way she is not. For all his faults, I know he has a good heart. “I wish you would give him a chance.”
“He had his chance!” She coughed, waving me off when I moved to help her sit down. “He had multiple chances. Every last one landed you in danger, and this is more of the same.” She threw her arm towards the locked door, “Wolves outside our door, kidnappings, blackmail – and this is only the beginning. You’ve been with him for less than a month, things are only going to get worse from here on out.”
“You don’t know that.” I argued stubbornly.
“Yes I do!” Mom cried, lurching to her unsteady feet. “I’ve seen this movie before, Viviane. It only takes one glance from the wrong person to put our entire community in danger.” She grabbed the kettle, setting it on the stove with shaking hands. “This isn’t solely about you. When our kind gets noticed, only bloodshed follows.”
Frustration swelled in my chest. “Caspian isn’t like that!”
“He doesn’t have to be, being near him puts you in the line of fire from those who are.” Mom continued to distract herself preparing tea, as if the familiar task might soothe her frayed nerves. “Look at what has already happened because he called attention to you.”
Slowly processing her words, I finally sigh, “Then the damage has already been done. It’s out now, so we must be safer with his protection than without.”
“That’s your heart talking, not your head.” She moaned, “I understand what it’s like to be young and in love, Viviane. Truly bu–”
“How can you?” I interrupt, my voice high and strained. “You and Dad were prisoners. You didn’t have any freedom or choices, you didn’t get to decide what you wanted.”
My mother’s breast heaved as she inhaled fierce, rapid breaths of air, her kelp green eyes rimmed with red. “You’re right.” She finally replied, setting a teacup in front of me. “And if you want to avoid being in that situation yourself: Back in prison, with a child whom you cannot see or protect from constant torture; you’ll stay away from wolves like Caspian.”
Her words slashed as harshly as any whip, but oddly enough, it was the drink on the table before me which bothered me most. I stared wordlessly down at the perfectly steeped liquid, its dark brown hue softened to beige with a splash of almost-spoiled milk.
Misinterpreting my silence, Mom softened her tone and rested her hand on mine, “Love is all I had, for a very long time.” She proclaimed, “You can have more; you can have a life.” I raised my eyes to hers, feeling suddenly very small. “But you have to decide which you want more, because you cannot have both, no matter how desperately I wish things were otherwise.”
I squeezed her palm, acknowledging her words even though my mind was elsewhere. “I can’t drink this.”
Her brow furrowed. “What’s wrong.”
“Tea.” I explained hoarsely, “he drugged me with tea.”
The room begins spinning as I rise from my sofa bed, pondering the strange way past hurts always seem to sneak up on me. One moment I’m fine, the next some tiny trigger brings me to my knees. Last night it was tea, this morning I think it’s the silence.
I haven’t had any quiet, any peace since the first day I met Caspian. The sudden lull brings it all crashing down on me at once: every confrontation, every attack, every emotion. Everything that has happened since we met, and every wrong I suffered before. Yesterday’s shock and denial has faded to stark reality, and nothing remains to protect my psyche.
I can hear them.
The voices of my every tormentor. All those who have plagued my existence, their words ringing in my ears in perfect synchrony, a cruel symphony of memory and pain.
Cry, mermaid. You aren’t working! The pearl reapers scream above the cracking whips.
Stop fighting. You know you want it. Mordred growls as he moves on top of me.
You vulgar little mutant. Courntey hisses with disgust.
You don’t belong here, bottom feeder. Madison sneers at her side.
My own screams punctuating the horrible growls and snarls of wolves fighting as strange male hands grip my thrashing body.
You shouldn’t have come here. Didn’t you learn your lesson the other day? James asks me regretfully. I wish he wasn’t making me do this.
“It’s all too much.” I tell Kiera, pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it over the top on the dressing room door. The boutique fitting rooms are one of the only places Caspian’s guards cannot follow us, so I’m happy for the opportunity to speak privately with my friend as we search for dresses. “I thought I knew what I wanted, but I woke up today and I can barely breathe beneath the weight of it.”
“That’s understandable. You were too caught up in emotion to think clearly yesterday.” She sighs, tugging a glittering gown up over her hips. “things always look different after a good night’s sleep.”
“I think I was in shock.” I admit, trying to sort out the complicated criss-crossing sleeves of a red dress. “Don’t get me wrong, nothing has changed in terms of how I feel about Caspian. I just…”
“Don’t know how you feel about your feelings anymore?” Kiera supplies.
“Exactly.” I gesture appreciatively, “I feel so stupid for going back and forth like this. I mean I’m annoying myself, I can only imagine how frustrating it is for him.”
“I’m sure he understands that you’re overwhelmed.” She twirls in front of the mirror. “What do you think of this one?”
“Eh.” I shrug, eyeing the navy frock speculatively. “I think the green one was more flattering.”
“I agree.” She nods, pulling down the zipper. “Anyway, it’s a miracle you’re even still standing, no reasonable human could expect you to make major life decisions right now.”
“Yet they keep asking.” I mutter bitterly, “Caspian wants me to formally acknowledge him as my mate and my mother wants me to walk away for good.” I study my reflection, noting how pale my normally glowing skin looks. “I think I need to stay away from bright colors.”
“Mmm,” Kiera hums in concord, “Try this one.” She says, handing me a silk hanger supporting a flowing silver gown. “Does Caspian really think he can convince Marina to let you attend the ball?”
“He’s clearly confident enough to send us shopping.” My voice is skeptical, despite my words. I’d been genuinely surprised when my new bodyguard drove us to the shopping district rather than Kiera’s house after school. After the Games Caspian asked me to be his date for the Victory Ball on Friday, but I told him then and there my mother would never agree.
Of course, when I called him this afternoon to remind him of that fact, he simply said, “Leave Marina to me.” Adding that we should shop for whatever we like in addition to outfits for the ball, “It’s my treat.”
“I don’t know what to do.” I frown, slipping the new dress over my head. “I never feel better than when I’m with Caspian. When we’re together I forget everything else – it’s like he hypnotizes me. I’m aware of the danger but feel so safe I don’t mind.”
“And when you’re apart?” Kiera prods knowingly.
“I feel more afraid than I can ever remember being.” I murmur, editing my words to fit what Kiera knows of my life. I certainly remember being more afraid prior to the Cut and when escaping the pearl farms, but Kiera only knows my story from that point on. “Not only because of the danger… but because I feel incomplete without him. How twisted is that?”
Kiera makes a sympathetic moue, a haunted expression flashing across her features. “The mate bond is a twisted thing.”
“It feels wrong to rely on him so much.” I confess, turning towards the mirror. The moment I see my reflection, I know I’ve found my dress. It’s perfect, fitting me in all the right places and enhancing my nonexistent curves. “He’s like my safe shelter, but I have to figure out how to shelter myself when he’s not around.”
“You haven’t told him how you feel yet, right?” She questions, taking my hands and turning my body to face her so she can take in the full effect of the dress. “You look like a goddess.”
“Thank you,” I flush. “And no, every time I try the words get stuck in my throat.”
“Good.” She nods in approval. “Keep it that way. Wolves – especially Alphas – love the hunt too much. If he realizes you know he’s your mate, you won’t stand a chance.”
“I know.” I breathe, smoothing the soft fabric over my waist. “How are your own mate troubles?”
Her eyes immediately well with tears. “I’ll say this for your problems – at least your mate knows you exist.”
“I’m sorry.” I croon, wrapping my arms around her soft form.
Shoulders shaking, her hot tears bathing my skin, Kiera’s normally strong voice comes out broken and hoarse. “Why can’t he see me?”
“I don’t know, honey.” I whisper, rubbing her back while she weeps. “I just don’t know.”
