Chapter 42
Caspian's POV
I can't recall ever feeling nervous about talking to a girl. It's always been completely natural, not that I ever had to put in much effort. I'm used to women falling at my feet, so I'm not really sure how to handle this strange trepidation.
It's especially odd feeling this way about someone with whom I'm already in a relationship. Perhaps that's why I feel so anxious, I never cared about what happened with those other girls, but this is my mate. Her opinion, her happiness is everything to me.
It takes a few minutes for Viviane to answer the door when I knock, and she looks a bit startled to see me. She's dripping wet, fresh out of a shower and wearing nothing but a thin robe. I sweep inside and shut the door before her unvarnished scent can travel to the guards in the hallway, then pull her close to indulge in the delicious scent.
My little mermaid squeaks and tenses up when I kiss her. She's wound tight as a spring, her response so tentative I pull back to study her face. Her stunning turquoise eyes are clouded with some unknown emotion, and her golden skin seems uncommonly pale. "What's wrong?" I ask, taking her face in my hands.
She gulps and shakes her head, her little pink tongue darting out to nervously lick her lips before she answers, "nothing."
My wolf grumbles with displeasure. For someone who has lived a double life for so many years, she really is a terrible liar. Donning my sternest expression, I slide my hand to her nape, applying slight pressure. "Are you being honest with me, kitten?"
She turns her head right and left, trying to dislodge my hand and failing, "Nothing's wrong." She pouts, giving up.
My eyes narrow to slits, and I use our mental link to connect with my mate, Did something happen? I can't imagine what might have occurred since I saw her last. After all, she hasn't left her rooms, let alone the pack house.
Something new, you mean? She answers.
I'd imagined helping Viviane reunite with Kiera would earn me some points, but as I recall the conversation I overheard, I wonder if making up with her friend didn't reignite her frustrations with our relationship – or maybe the spunky lynx simply helped rally her own spirits.
I'm all for a feisty Viviane; every time she shows that side of herself it warms me to the core. She wouldn't express those feelings unless she felt totally safe, but I'm not sure that's what's happening here. For the time being, I decide to broach the topic I've been brooding over for the last few hours. Hopefully that will soothe her agitation, and if it doesn't – well, let's just say my wolf has all sorts of creative ideas for getting the truth out of naughty little mates.
Viviane's POV
He knows.
I'm certain of it.
Why else would he be hear questioning me this way? How did he find out? Did James betray our confidence?
I'd been immensely relieved when the shifter proved to be good for his word, helping us sneak back into the house through one of the emergency evacuation passages. Kiera, who is still slightly miffed that I accepted his help, begrudingly agreed it was the right decision. However we were both less enthused when James returned our thanks by saying, "one day I'm sure you'll return the favor."
I thought the entire point of helping us was making up for his past wrongdoings, not indebting us to the shady wolf.
Caspian draws me over to one of the sofas, and my anxiety increases when he sits next to me rather than pulling me into his lap. I can count on one hand the times he's chosen to keep that sort of distance between us. It's as if the man is incapable of being near me without touching me.
But he's not touching me now.
He's looking deep into my eyes, searing me with his icy blue stare and making my heart leap into overdrive. "We need to talk, Viviane."
Oh gods, here it comes. I am so dead.
"About what?" I mutter, barely able to find my voice.
"I owe you and apology." He begins gruffy, his voice especially gravelly as he grapples with the unfamiliar words.
Wait, what? I mean, I agree that he owes me an apology – many actually – this just isn't what I expected.
"Go on." I encourage him softly.
"I love you, Viviane." Caspian professes, evoking the words so passionately my insides tremble, "You know that don't you?"
I manage to nod, completely tongue-tied.
"And I know I've gone a bit overboard trying to protect you." He continues. "I know I've made decisions you don't understand or agree with, and that it feels like I don't care about what you want, or think that you don't have a place in the conversation." Shock winds through my body, relaxing my rigid muscles and making my head spin. This is the last thing I expected.
"I've been unfair about all of this, and I need you to know that your opinion matters to me." Caspian vows, "I should have included you in the security decisions I made, and I should have been more sensitive about making you move in."
"Why are you telling me this?" I inquire hoarsely, feeling increasingly guilty the more he shares.
"Because I want to do better." He explains firmly, "I don't want you to think I see you as some treasure for me to hoard and covet – like you are a possession without a mind or heart of your own."
I bite down on the inside of my cheek as emotion swells in my chest, and whether he wanted me to or not, I crawl into Caspian's lap. His arms tighten around me immediately, a great rush of air flowing from his lungs as he breathes for the first time since starting his speech.
"I can't tell you things would have ended up any differently." He says, pressing kisses to my hair, "In fact I think we would probably be in exactly the same place we are now, but I can't imagine how difficult it was for you to feel like you didn't have any say in the matter."
"It wasn't that I didn't hear your objections or take your happiness into account. I just didn't see any other way." Caspian sighs, "I don't see any other way."
"I have to have a say in my life, Caspian." I murmur. "I can't stand having my choices taken from me. You have to respect that, at the end of the day, it's my life." I tuck my head under his chin, feeling too shy to say my next words to his face. "You can't dictate it."
"I know, baby." He agrees, sliding his hands beneath my robe so he can stroke my bare skin, rather than the fabric of my robe. "I don't want to dictate it. I just need you to understand that when it comes to your safety – I can't always be rational. I can't always be fair." His chest vibrates with the deep rumbles of his voice, sending reverberations through my body in a very distracting way. "You are my everything, my instinct is to protect you at all costs."
"Will you promise not to make any more decisions without talking to me first?" I request, feeling increasingly guilty about my actions today.
"I promise." Caspian declares. "As long as there is time to discuss it, I will include you."
I suppose it would be too much to ask for a guarantee without exception or caveat, but I never thought I would get this much from the intimidating alpha. "Thank you." I whisper, looping my arms around his neck and kissing my way up his throat.
Purring with pleasure, Caspian captures my face and draws me into a kiss so deep I'm afraid I'll never stop falling. It's bottomless, intoxicating, all-consuming – and I can't get enough.
The strange thing is that not much has changed from the start of our conversation to this moment. It seems like such a small concession, but any concession from Caspian Shaw is incredible. He said more with a few simple words than any love letter or romantic gesture could accomplish. He showed me that he heard me, that he's willing to listen, learn and grow so we can be happy together.
It's rare to find anyone willing to apologize and take responsibility for their actions – though it shouldn't be. I'm bowled over that a man with such authority, a man who never has to apologize for anything if he doesn't want to, showed so much humility. And it was all for me.
I, on the other hand, lashed out at him with defiance and reckless behavior. My insides are tangled in knots over the mistakes I made today – and there's no doubt they were mistakes.
But right now I feel more protected and loved than I can ever remember feeling, and that is a gift beyond compare. With great effort, I pry my lips from Caspian's gasping when his mouth simply relocates to the soft spot behind my ear.
"Caspian." I breathe, electricity zinging through my veins. "I love you."
The gentle nibbles on my earlobe pause, and he raises his head to gaze down at me in amazement. "Really?"
"Yes." I beam, taking a deep breath as I brace for the words I'm almost too afraid to say, "And I'm ready…Make me yours."
