Chapter 5

I was standing there, looking down at the traffic below, wondering... would it hurt if I jumped?

It should be quick. Quicker than these three years, at least.

I heard Mom's scream from the treatment room, like it was coming through thick glass. But I couldn't go back. I was trapped in that memory.

I turned around, my back to the edge of the roof. Tears streaming down—I didn't know when they'd started.

I kept thinking, what did I do wrong?

I came back from that small town, so desperate to be loved, so careful... I thought if I was good enough, they would love me.

I laughed. The tears flowed harder.

But at that party, three men violated me. I cried for help. No one listened.

Not only that—Dad slapped me across the face. Mom called me "filthy." Adrian said I wasn't worthy of being Seraphina's sister.

I crouched down, holding my head, my body starting to shake.

I could vaguely hear Dad crying in the treatment room. But it was too late. Everything was too late.

Three years. A full three years later, I finally understood.

In that instant, something clicked in my mind.

All the scattered pieces—those slaps, that hunger, those men—suddenly connected into a single line.

I laughed. My whole body trembled.

"Seraphina wasn't jealous of me." My voice turned ice-cold, unrecognizable even to myself: "She was training me. Like training a dog."

"Beat me until I didn't dare resist. Starve me until I didn't dare ask. Freeze me until I didn't dare complain."

"Then hand me over to those men like merchandise. Prove I was 'damaged goods.' Prove Adrian would never want me."

"She won. I actually became a dog. An obedient, dirty dog."

I lowered my head. Tears dripped onto the rooftop floor.

The wind grew stronger, whipping against my frail body.

So be it. I accepted my fate.

But...

A surge of defiance erupted from my chest.

I jerked my head up and roared at the empty sky:

"Why doesn't anyone believe me?! WHY?!"

"I didn't lie! Those photos were fake! Those videos were edited by Seraphina!"

"Why would you rather believe an outsider than your own daughter?!"

I crouched down, clutching my head, my voice hoarse:

"I'm your daughter... I'm your own flesh and blood..."

I screamed until my throat was raw, until no sound came out.

My throat felt torn apart. My knees gave out.

I collapsed onto the rooftop, gasping for breath.

It was useless... all useless...

Screaming wouldn't change anything...

Then, sudden silence.

Like all the strength had been drained from my body. Even the anger had burned out.

The wind still blew, but I stopped shouting.

"I surrender. Seraphina, you win."

"This family is yours. Adrian is yours. The Sterling name is yours."

"I don't want anything anymore."

I slowly walked toward the edge of the rooftop. Each step was so heavy, like lead weights were tied to my feet.

The city below blazed with lights. Traffic, crowds, laughter from restaurants.

They were living normal lives.

And me...

"But... I'm so tired... my body hurts so much..."

I clutched my chest. My heart was pounding wildly, each beat feeling like it was about to explode.

"My heart feels like it's going to explode... I can't breathe..."

My vision started to blur. My knees weakened.

"Maybe... this is better..."

The scene suddenly shattered. The rooftop, the wind, the sunset... everything vanished.

Then, agony.

Sudden, tearing agony.

I felt someone gripping my heart tight, then ripping it apart.

Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep—

A piercing alarm. I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids felt impossibly heavy.

"She's crashing! Her vitals are collapsing!"

Dr. Cross's voice. So close, yet so far.

Had my heart... stopped?

No... it was beating... fast... too fast...

It hurt...

Let me die.

"Her heart can't take it! The hypnotherapy has reactivated all her traumatic memories! Her brain is processing three years of pain simultaneously!"

Three years of pain. All at once.

I felt like I was burning, drowning, being torn to pieces.

All the memories of violation. All the memories of beatings. All the memories of humiliation.

Exploding simultaneously.

"Stress-induced cardiomyopathy! Her heart is literally 'breaking'!"

Yes. My heart was broken.

It broke long ago.

The voices started to fade. Dr. Cross's voice grew muffled: "Prepare the defibrillator!"

Whump—

Electric current coursed through my body. My back arched. Searing pain.

Then nothingness.

Whump—

Another shock.

Something was beating... faint... distant...

But I couldn't hold on, and I didn't want to.

Let me go.

I was too tired.

Darkness enveloped me. Gentle, complete darkness.

I heard Dr. Cross's voice, like through thick water: "She's fallen into a deep coma. It's the brain's protective mechanism. When trauma becomes too overwhelming, the brain chooses to 'shut down'..."

Shut down.

Yes. Turn me off.

"Will she wake up?" Dad's voice trembled.

"Even if she does, she'll likely have amnesia. Retrograde amnesia. She'll forget all memories associated with the trauma. Including... all of you."

Forget?

Could I forget?

My consciousness grew fainter.

Those memories surged like waves, coming and going.

Champagne at the party... the sound of the wooden ruler striking my palm... salt grinding into my knees... the cold wind on the balcony... those men's faces...

All of it... could I forget all of it?

I felt myself moving.

The gurney wheels rolled across the floor, creaking.

I felt myself falling. Falling to somewhere very, very deep.

Where there was no pain, no memories, nothing.

Through the haze, someone was calling my name.

"Vivian... Vivian... please wake up..."

Who was it? Dad? Mom? Or...

I couldn't remember anymore.

The voice grew more distant.

I fell deeper and deeper.

If I woke up and had forgotten everything...

Was that liberation, or another kind of death?

If there was a next life...

I didn't want to be a Sterling daughter again.

Then, complete nothingness.