Chapter 84

I pull up a text to Theo once I’m back in my apartment.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I am very flattered by your kindness and compliments. But my divorce is still fresh, and to be honest, I’ve had feelings for someone else for a long time now. I don’t want to lead you on or anything.”

I move to my room, wanting to get out of my work clothes.

As I’m changing into a pair of jeans, my phone beeps back, Theo’s words on the screen.

“I can’t say I’m too surprised. I can’t imagine the hell you’re going through. I’m sad to be missing out on a chance to take you out. Still let me pick your business brain?”

I can’t help but smile. “Of course. And thanks for understanding.”

He sends back a thumbs up, and I lay down my phone again.

Looking in the mirror, I see the reflection of a woman who’s been through absolute hell. My face is disheveled. My body finally is rid of my bruises and bumps from Ryan.

And my baby continues to grow from inside me.

Who is she? Who is that woman that I don’t even recognize? How do I find her again?

Feeling exhausted, I throw on a random outfit. I can’t be in my apartment right now.

I leave and head downstairs. I need to be alone with my thoughts. No Annie or Lily. No Bea and Tris. No Mom. No coworkers.

No Derek.

I just want time and space.

When I walk into the familiar warmth of Ransom’s Tavern, the bartender, Rod, nods politely to me.

“What’ll it be?” He asks while wiping down the counter for me.

“You don’t know how badly I need a shot,” I sigh as I get into my chair. “But no alcohol until the baby’s here. Can I get a virgin piña colata?”

Rod gives me his understanding smile. “Coming up.”

I flip my phone down on the bar and bury my face in my hands. With my elbows planted on the hardwood, a sigh comes through my entire being.

Maybe holding out hope on anything happening with Derek is a waste of my time. We’re great at being neighbors and friends and working together. His daughters feel like my own at this point. I don’t think I can separate myself from their shining faces.

Rod clears his throat when he sets down my drink down before me. I lift my head to see the fruity concoction sitting there with a tiny umbrella sticking out.

“You okay there, Esme?”

I push my blonde hair out of my face, sniffing once. “I feel like no matter the good things coming into my life, or winning my divorce case, or whatever, things just always feel bleak.”

Rod raises a dark black eyebrow. “Damn, congrats on winning the case. But that sounds like shit.”

Shrugging, I take the drink and raise the straw to my mouth. “One less asshole to deal with it.”

“But you still don’t feel like you’re living the life you thought you might?”

“Bingo.”

A long sip of the drink and some silence follow.

“You sure this thing’s a virgin?” I taunt the man.

“Oh yeah, that’s a triple. I never serve people anything without alcohol.”

“Oh, so what about if someone orders water?”

Rod’s smirk grows. “Spicy water.”

I throw the tiny umbrella at the bartender.

“Go serve your other customers their spicy water, smart ass.”

He gives me a new umbrella and shakes his head. “This one’s on me.”

I widen my eyes, but Rod walks away before I can argue. Well, I guess since there’s no actual alcohol in here it’s not going to kill anyone.

The jingle of the door sounds through the bar as my eyes move toward the screens behind the bar. News and people I don’t know. And a whole world that is making things happen for them.

“Esme.”

Then, I hear his voice.

I don’t turn around at first. I must be hallucinating, right? The exhaustion and stress are surely getting to me.

But no. Because Derek Anderson comes right up to me. His face is unruly, his suit ruffled up, and he’s breathing heavily.

“Derek?”

“Did you do it?” He asks between his heavy breaths.

“Do what?” I don’t understand.

He shakes his head. “I don’t want to watch you move on.”

I raise my brows, and my mouth falls agape.

“I’ve had a giant mountain of feelings to climb when it comes to you. It sends more panic through my veins whenever I try to reassure myself that we’re not supposed to be together.” He struggles to breathe and places a hand on the wood beside him.

“Derek, I don’t…you told me to pursue people.”

“Because I was trying not to make things more complicated for you. I don’t want you to move on. From me, the girls, or our life.”

My heart is trying to make its way out of my throat so I can speak.

Instead, I’m just shaking my head repeatedly. “Derek, wait.”

“There’s no waiting left in me, Esme. Right now, I’m standing in the spot I stood when you told me you were getting a divorce. You opened a door I didn’t think I’d ever get the key for. The idea of you not being there every day or if I don’t try anything, how can I live with myself if I don’t fight for the woman I can’t give up?”

Still with a lump in my throat, my eyes start to leak on their own. Does he mean that? He really wants to be with me?

Derek’s large hands gently take my face in. I’m too stunned to speak. I just keep shaking my head with tears sliding down my cheek.

“Will you give this idiot a chance? I can’t just walk away.”

His thumbs wipe at my tears streaking down my face.

I open my mouth to speak and can’t find any profound words. “Derek…are…God, are you sure?”

He finally smiles down at me. “More sure than anything, Esme.”

“You mean it? Even with the girls? Even with Sadie?” It comes out as nearly a whisper—almost afraid of hearing the questions out loud.

“I’ve been a fool to find excuses. I might have some issues with relationships, and I might be terrified of hurting everyone I love. I know I can’t promise nothing will ever be difficult. Life can get demanding and painful, and messy. But God, Esme. The only messy life I want is with you.”

“And my baggage?”

He laughs out into the bar air.

“I’d much rather learn how to be a whole person again than broken and watching you date men that aren’t worthy of you.”

I laugh back at Derek and lean into his lips. “Yes. A thousand times yes, Derek Anderson.”

Derek’s lips come together with mine for the first time in so long. He breathes happily into our kiss. I struggle not to cry as I put my hands on his own face. Warmth is moving through the both of us.

But nothing in the world has ever felt more powerful than this moment in time.