Chapter 5 Not from the same world

Two weeks after the night at the rink, Jace announced that Jolie and I were moving out of the dorms.

“It’s cheaper,” he said, dropping a set of keys into my palm. “The house has four bedrooms, and I’m not paying rent on rooms nobody uses.”

That wasn’t the real reason, and we all knew it. He wanted to keep an eye on me. Jolie rolled her eyes and signed, behind his back: Mother hen.

I didn’t argue. I packed my bag, and for once, I didn’t mind having someone watch over me.

Aren answered my message in under a minute, every time.

That should have scared me more than it did.

Are you coming to the game Friday? he had typed that morning, and I had stared at the screen for minutes before I deleted the three replies I'd written. 

Of course I was coming. I was always coming. But I couldn't type that to him, because it would mean admitting that he was the reason.

So I left him on read and went to find Jolie.

"You're smiling at your phone," she said, falling into step beside me outside the student union. "You never smile at your phone.Wait, you rarely smiled.Period."

I shook my head and signed, 

Allergies.

"Uh-huh." She looped her arm through mine. "Come on. Let's go to Cafeteria. I'm starving, and you're buying me a pretzel for lying to my face."

The cafeteria at lunch was the loudest place on campus. I picked a table near the wall, where I could see everything and nobody looked at me for long, well nobody gave a damn about me but just to be sure.

Jolie went to get her pretzel.

That was when I saw him.

Aren sat at the center table, the one the hockey team had owned since before I enrolled. His sleeves were pushed up and his laugh carried over the noise. He has a beautiful laugh and he talks to people so easily and everyone seem to give attention about what he is discussing. 

He didn't even know I was there.

But he wasn't alone.

A girl sat beside him with her knee almost touching his. She had glossy dark hair pulled into a high ponytail, a Hurricanes cheer jacket, and a white colgate smile.

Sheylla O'Connor.

Everyone knew her name. She was head cheerleader and a junior, and everyone shipped her and Aren, because not gonna lie they are a perfect couple. She had never needed a notebook, or a phone screen, or a friend to speak for her.

She said something, and Aren leaned toward her to listen.

Something like jealousy burned in my chest because he did that with me too, when I typed on my phone and he was reading it, giving me all his attention.

I had thought that was only for me.

No don't be so childish Isadora, he's not yours so you don't have the right to be jealous like that.

Sheylla touched his arm and laughed, their discussion seems very...entertaining. He smiled back at her. It wasn't the soft smile I knew, the soft smile that he only gave me, because of...pity? Or because I was his friend's little sister, I don't know.

It was bigger, joyful and natural, the smile reaches his eyes.

"Isa?" Jolie set the pretzel down. "Hey."

I realized I was gripping my phone hard enough that my knuckles became white.

"That's Sheylla," Jolie said, following my eyes. "They're not together, I'm pretty sure. She's been after him since...last year. I don't really know but that's what they said, but looking at them like that, it seems that they have a genuine friendship."

I nodded as if it didn't matter to me.

But truth is that I kept watching, because I couldn't stop. Teammates passed their table and called out to Aren, and he answered every one of them. Sheylla fit into that world like she'd been born inside it and so does Aren.

Everyone knew her and everyone wanted her attention. 

She belonged in the light.

I belonged against the wall, in the shadows.

I thought about these past few days. About our moments together and our exchanged messages.

Maybe they meant he was kind and polite. That was all. Aren Caedmon was kind to everyone, and I had mistaken it for something more.

Across the room, Sheylla pulled out her phone and held it up so they were both in the frame. Aren grinned at the screen. She took the picture, and half the table cheered.

I looked down at my hands.

When I was seven, I decided that silence was safer than being seen. It had kept me alive for thirteen years. I had built my whole life around being the girl nobody noticed.

And for a few weeks, I had forgotten that.

"Isadora," Jolie said my full name softly, which she never did. "Do you want to leave?"

I nodded, and she understood the assignment.

My phone buzzed against my palm.

I didn't want to look at it, but I still did anyway.

Aren*: Saw you walk in. You okay? You look like you're about to run.*

My breath caught.

He had seen me. Across the whole cafeteria, even when he was surrounded with his friends and Sheylla.

I lifted my eyes. Aren was looking straight at me over Sheylla's shoulder, and he wasn't smiling anymore.

Sheylla followed his gaze. For one second her eyes met mine, with curiosity and then they slid over me, past me, without recognizing anything at all.

I had a declic.

Her world was loud and golden, and Aren fit inside it perfectly. Mine was a quiet corner, and a golden boy like him had no reason to come near it, he deserve to be in the spotlight and I deserved to hide in the dark.

I stood up so fast the chair scraped.

"Isa—" Jolie started.

I signed, I'm fine. I'll see you later. Then I grabbed my bag and walked out through the doors without looking back, though my phone buzzed again and again in my pocket.

I didn't answer it.

By the time I reached the stairwell, my hands were shaking. I pressed my back against the cold wall and slid down until I was sitting on the concrete.

He's Jace's best friend, I told myself. He's THE Aren Caedmon, the captain of hockey.He's everything you're not.

The phone buzzed once more.

I pulled it out, I should have turned it off. But I read it anyway.

Aren*: I'm not going anywhere, Isadora. Whenever you're ready.*

I read it three times, and then I pressed the screen against my chest and closed my eyes.

Taking a deep breath.

Whenever I'm ready? But ready for what exactly? Why does he keep feeding my delusion like that?