Chapter2

My fingernails dug so hard into the edge of the sink they ached. I stared at the pathetic, red-eyed stray dog in the mirror and let out a harsh dry heave.

"I can't... Chloe, I really can't do this." My teeth chattered so violently I accidentally bit the tip of my tongue.

Chloe leaned against the bathroom stall door, her arms crossed over her chest. She didn't step forward to hug me like she normally would, and she didn't offer me a tissue.

"Cancel our registration." I spun around and grabbed the sleeve of her jacket. "If I go up on that stage, I'll drag you straight to hell with me. Blair will laugh at you, too! First thing tomorrow morning, go to the office and cross my name off the list. Tell them I dropped out!"

Chloe lowered her gaze, staring coldly at my trembling hands. Then, without an ounce of pity, she yanked her arm free.

"You're right. You will drag me down, and you'll make me a joke in front of the whole school."

I let my hands drop and stumbled backward until my spine hit the icy bathroom tiles.

But Chloe didn't leave. She unzipped her backpack, rooted around for a second, and pulled out a tiny, clear glass vial. Closing the distance between us in two strides, she slapped it down on the edge of the sink. Inside the vial were a few pale pink pills. No brand name. No prescription label. Not a single line of text.

"What is that?" I couldn't even bring myself to look directly at it.

"My sister is a pharmacy intern at CVS," Chloe said, her eyes boring into mine. "These are internal test samples. They haven't hit the market yet. It blocks the fear signals in your brain—a neuro-stabilizing supplement. I snagged a few from her."

My eyes went wide with disbelief. I pointed a shaky finger at the pink pills. "You want me to take an unapproved drug before I go up there?"

"I want you to stop acting like a coward!" Chloe’s voice echoed sharply off the tiled walls. "Do you actually think Blair is better than you? Maya, you stay up until three in the morning writing debate analyses. Your opening statements are lethal! But the second someone so much as looks at you, your brain just shuts down. You'd apologize to people just for breathing their air!"

She took another step forward and shoved the glass vial roughly against my hand.

"I'm not forcing you to take it. It's your choice." Chloe’s chest heaved. "You can walk right out that door and go back to being the mute little mouse Blair says you are. If you do, I'll scratch your name off the list tomorrow. Or—"

She tapped her index finger against the cap of the vial.

"For the sake of your partner, who is currently the laughingstock of the entire class because of you—and for the sake of your own brilliant, three-A.M. brain... swallow it."

A thick silence settled over the bathroom. I looked down at the tiny clear bottle.

The raw humiliation I'd felt in the hallway earlier that day suddenly burned in my chest all over again. I remembered the exact sting of Blair violently throwing our crumpled registration form right into my face. "She's going to piss her pants the second she steps on that stage." I could still hear the mocking laughter, still see the whispering lips of the crowd. And then, the memory shifted. I saw Chloe shoving her way through the sea of onlookers. I saw her pushing past the sneering faces, kneeling to pick up that crumpled piece of paper, and using her own body to shield me from the room.

I reached out. My fingertips were trembling so violently I could barely grasp it. Jaw clenched tight, I unscrewed the white plastic cap. I tipped one pale pink tablet into the palm of my hand. Without giving myself another second to think, I threw my head back, tossed the pill into my mouth, and dry-swallowed it hard.

My hands gripped the edge of the sink like a vise, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

I waited. One minute. Two.

A bizarre, weightless sensation suddenly washed over my body. The cold sweat prickling the back of my neck dried up. I drew in a long, deep breath and opened my eyes. The girl in the mirror was still wearing the same faded, washed-out hoodie. She still had the same puffy, bloodshot eyes. But the look behind those eyes had fundamentally shifted. There was no flinching. No terror.

I stood up straight. Picking up the tiny glass vial from the counter, I slipped it methodically into my hoodie pocket. I turned around and met Chloe’s gaze, which hadn't left me for a second.

"Let's run it again." I locked eyes with her. It was the first full, unbroken sentence I had managed to speak all night. "From the top."