Chapter 3

Tamsin's POV

My blood ran cold.

I couldn't hear what Steven said on the other end.

"I know." Jerry's voice went easy, almost cheerful. "I promise I'll keep Mommy distracted. Daddy, don't forget to buy me the Lego set, okay?"

I pressed my back against the wall.

He's running cover for Steven. He's been doing it on purpose.

He was six. Six years old, and he already knew how to manage me.

"Oh, and..." His voice dropped a little, went soft. "I really miss Michelle too."

He said he misses her?

My fingers dug into the doorframe. The feeling wasn't anger, exactly. It was cold. A cold that started at my feet and moved up slowly.

I thought about the night he ran a fever. I sat in the hospital hallway on a plastic chair, one hand holding his, the other clutching the packaging from the fever reducer, watching the red in his cheeks and counting the minutes. Steven had texted to say he had a work dinner. He never showed up.

Haven't I been enough? When he was burning up, I was the one who stayed with him all night.

I made him everything he asked for. The creamy chicken stew. Pancakes on Sunday mornings. I read to him every single night. He wrapped his arms around my neck every morning and called me Mommy and I thought that meant something.

Why...why is he doing this to me?

Tears slid down my face. I looked down at my hand for a second, then wiped them off.

"Calm down." I said it so quietly. "Tamsin, calm down."

I walked back to the stove and picked up the wooden spoon.

The food was done. I carried it out.

Jerry was already at the table. His face lit up when he saw the pot.

"Mommy, this is my absolute favorite!" He grabbed his spoon before I even set it down.

I sat across from him and watched him eat.

"Jerry."

He looked up.

"Do you love Mommy?"

He went still for exactly one second. But I saw it, the flicker behind his eyes. Then he broke into a huge smile and blew me a kiss across the table.

"Of course! I love Mommy the most!"

The smile was perfect.

I held his gaze for a long moment.

He's learned how to perform.

I picked up my fork. Put a piece of chicken in my mouth. Couldn't taste anything.

After dinner, I went back to the bedroom.

I took the papers out of the drawer. I'd printed them at the office. I spread them flat on the desk and picked up a pen.

Divorce agreement.

This all has to end.

I signed my name. Then folded the papers, slid them into an envelope, and sat on the edge of the bed to wait for him to come home.

Steven didn't come home.

I was still sitting there when my phone rang.

"Babe, I got pulled into a last-minute work trip last night." His voice sounded a little breathless. "I won't be back for five days."

"Oh."

Silence for two seconds. The sound of his breathing on the other end got heavier.

"What about Jerry's birthday?" I asked.

"Ah...about that..."

There was a woman sound in the background.

My grip tightened around the phone.

"Jerry already called me." Steven's voice was uneven now. "He said...he said he only wants to celebrate with friends this time. He doesn't want his parents there."

"Is that right."

"Yeah...I just need to get him a gift. That's all."

"He hasn't said anything to me about that. He's still so young, I'm worried about him being unsupervised."

"I'll have...I'll have my assistant keep an eye on things..."

The woman's voice came through again, clearer this time.

Steven let out a sudden sharp sound.

The line went dead.

I sat there while my phone screen went dark.

I know what they're doing.

Something drained out of me all at once. Tears came without warning and I couldn't stop them, didn't even try. I bent forward and covered my face with both hands and shook.

When it was over, I took a breath. Stood up.

I called Jerry into the living room.

"Jerry, come here. Daddy says you want a birthday party with just your friends, no parents. Is that true?"

He stood in front of me. Hesitated for exactly one second.

"Um...yeah. It's true. I was...I was just about to tell you."

I didn't ask anything else.

There's nothing left to say.

My own child had become something sharp pointed right at me.

I just couldn't breathe. I couldn't stay in this house anymore.

That afternoon, I packed a bag for Jerry and drove him to his grandparents' house.

"You're going to stay here for a little while, okay?" I crouched down and straightened his collar.

He nodded. Didn't ask why.

I checked into a hotel downtown.

The next three days, I ate what I wanted. Slept until I woke up naturally. Went to two galleries I'd been meaning to visit for years. My handover at work was done, my visa was sorted. Three weeks and I'd be on a plane to Paris.

So this is what it feels like. Without them. It's...easier.

On the third evening, my phone buzzed.

A text from Zoey, the mom of one of Jerry's school friends.

[Hey Tamsin! Jerry's birthday party was so fun today, but I didn't see you there?]

I stared at the screen.

[Today? A birthday party? Today?]

I scrolled down.

[I was hoping to catch up with you, but I only saw Jerry and Steven. Did something come up?]

Steven took Jerry to a birthday party.

He told me Jerry didn't want his parents there, and then he showed up himself.

I typed back:

[Something came up last minute, I couldn't make it. Where was the party held? I might be able to swing by now.]

Zoey replied almost immediately.

[The ballroom at the Hilton downtown!]

I typed: [Thank you.]

I got up and opened the closet. Took out the envelope with the divorce papers inside. I added one more thing, a sealed Ziploc bag containing a pair of lace underwear that wasn't mine.

I sealed the envelope, wrote Steven's office address on the front, attached the courier label, and took it down to the front desk.

Then I called a cab and went straight to that hotel.