Chapter 180

Tessa’s POV

I allowed myself a moment of weakness. I couldn’t help myself.

Seeing Joseph standing in the middle of the cemetery drenched in rainwater made my heart squeeze in my chest.

He was here; he had come.

My entire body responded to his presence, and I couldn’t help but go to him. I wanted to be angry and tell him how hurt I was. I wanted to yell at him and tell him to leave. But I didn’t have it in me.

I didn’t have the strength or energy to argue.

I found myself stepping into his open embrace and burying my face in his very soaked chest. His arms closed around me and cocooned me in his warmth, and for a moment, I forgot it was downpouring all around us. I forgot my horse had taken off without me.

I forgot how hurt I was because of this man.

All that mattered to me in this moment was that Joseph was here and I was in his arms again.

“I tried to talk myself out of coming here…” he finally murmured after what felt like an eternity of silence and holding onto one another like our lives depended on it.

His words seemed to have broken me out of my trance and I peered up at him, dismay clear on my face.

“Then why did you?” I asked, hating how weak I sounded.

I wanted to be strong and confident; I wanted to be okay without him. I wanted to be the Tessa before Joseph Evergreen came into my life.

I tried to remember who that “Tessa” was, but I couldn’t. Was I ever the woman I wanted to be? Or was I just a shell of myself, hollowed out and formed into someone Brian wanted me to be?

Was I always going to be the girl that needed a guy to define me?

The thought left an unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach, and suddenly, I wasn’t feeling so well.

He was quiet as he analyzed my face; trying to read my expression and figure out what I was thinking. But I was determined to keep him out; I didn’t want him to see any more of my weakness.

I wanted him to understand that I wasn’t going to be a doormat. I was a woman with needs and if he wasn’t going to fulfill those needs, then I needed him to leave now before he broke my heart again.

“Because what I want to say to you couldn’t wait until Monday,” he finally spoke.

I narrowed my eyes at him

“What do you want to say to me?” I asked him, genuinely confused.

The way he was looking at me like he was a lost puppy, or just someone longing for another, made my heart skip a beat. He looked adorable with droplets of water on his face and his usual neatly done hair all wet and covering his features.

At that moment, he didn’t look like Joseph Evergreen, the well-known and mysterious author and writing professor. He didn’t even look like Joseph Evergreen the dangerous vampire.

He just looked like Joseph, a normal and almost sheepish guy.

His clothes were completely ruined from the rain, but I also couldn’t help but notice that his shirt was sticking tightly to his body, making his muscles and broad chest visible and mouth-wateringly hot.

He had a pink tint around his nose that only grew more pink the longer I stared into his eyes. I couldn’t tell that this conversation was uncomfortable for him; was he embarrassed?

He searched my face with his eyes like he was searching for the answers to my questions on my expression. I saw the desperation on his face that tugged at my heart and tightened the knot in my stomach. Then his eye drifted down to my lips and I realized I was biting my bottom lip.

I knew that alone drove him crazy with desire, so I reluctantly released my lip from between my teeth.

His eyes finally found mine again and he held them.

Before he could respond, another clash of thunder along with a spark of lightning sounded throughout the night and lit up the sky. Fear pricked at the back of my neck and my heart nearly jumped into my throat.

Instinctly, I moved closer into Joseph’s arms.

My heart was racing.

I looked up at him, still with a startled expression, and opened my mouth to speak.

“We should get out of the—”

“I love you, Tessa.”

My entire body stilled.

I stared at Joseph with shock clear on my face; I couldn’t have heard him correctly.

It wasn’t possible. Was it?

Joseph didn’t love me. He was Joseph Evergreen. He could have any girl he wanted, and he already made it perfectly clear that he didn’t want me. I wasn’t about to get my hopes up only for him to let me down again.

I couldn’t bear my heart and soul into this once again, only to be crushed at the end. I’m not sure I’d be able to handle it a second time.

Tears pricked at the corner of my eyes, and I was thankful that it was raining so he wouldn’t notice if I cried.

His expression was so serious; I didn’t know what to make of it.

But his cheeks were still pink, and it was starting to reach the tips of his ears.

“I thought if I stayed away from you, it would keep you safe,” he said, shouting over the loud splashes of rain that fell around us. “You deserve better than to be wrapped up in this lifestyle. That night I thought I lost you… a part of me died. My entire world crashed around me and I didn’t think I’d ever recover again. If I lost you… I don’t think I would have ever come back from that. I got scared and I ran away.”

I couldn’t hold in the tears any longer; they were running down my face faster than I could stop them. They mixed with the rain, so I was hoping he didn’t notice.

But then he reached out and ran his thumb across my upper cheekbone, wiping at some of my fallen tears.

I leaned into his touch, hating that my body responded to him in this way.

He leaned in closer so that he didn’t have to shout for me to hear him.

“I told myself I never wanted to feel that way again. That I would never put your life at risk like that again,” he continued, his voice breaking only slightly. “I thought by walking away, I was protecting you from getting hurt… or killed… but all I did was hurt you…”

He fell silent for a moment and his shoulders slumped. He was feeling defeated. This was a look I had never seen from him before, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I had never seen him display such weakness before and it caused butterflies to attack my stomach.

I had no idea what to say at that moment; I was so confused and conflicted about everything. I wanted to throw my arms around him and tell him that I was his forever. But I was terrified of what would happen if I did.

I wanted to trust him and love him with all my heart and soul… but I didn’t want to get hurt again.“What I said about my attraction to you being only because of your blood… it was a lie,” he continued slowly. I could see the regret in his eyes as he scanned my face. “There are plenty of reasons why I’m drawn to you, and none of them is because of your blood, Tessa. They have everything to do with who you are as a person. It has everything to do with how you make me feel as a man.”

“Why are you saying this to me now?” I found myself croaking as tears poured down my face.

He cupped my face in his warm and strong hands as he peered deeply into my eyes, taking my breath away entirely.

“Because I’m in love with you, Tessa Campbell; I will love you for the rest of eternity.”I let out a breath I wasn’t aware I was holding as another sob escaped my lips.

This was what I wanted him to say for so long. But so much had happened between us that it left me with this wave of uncertainty and fear. How could I tell if he was being serious? How could I know if I could trust him?

“You hurt me, Joseph…” I found myself whispering, barely audible to normal ears, but to Joseph, I knew he’d be able to hear me easily.Tears fell across my cheeks, and he used his thumbs to wipe them away the best he could as he kept my face gently cupped in his hands.

“That’s not a mistake I’ll make again,” he said gently and with so much certainty it made my heart scream for him. “Let me prove to you that I’m in this one hundred percent…” He said that last part in a whisper as he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against mine.

I closed my eyes, allowing his gentle words to sink into my mind and really process. As we stood together without our foreheads pressed together, in the pouring rain, I felt a rush of emotions spread throughout my body. At this moment, it felt as if we had become one entity; I could feel his love radiating from him and wrapping around me like a warm blanket.

“I need you like I need oxygen,” he whispered. “I was stupid for letting you go. I’d rather live one short lifespan with you, than none at all.”

I opened my eyes upon hearing his word and I looked up at him. He was staring down at me with sincerity and love clear in his expression and more butterflies attacked my stomach.He was literally giving up everything he advocated for about how vampire and human relationships can’t work because human lives are short and fragile. He was giving up his fear of potentially losing me in the future because of my fragile human life.

He was willing to give us a real try.

He was in this.

“I’m scared…” I whispered, my voice quivering.“I am too,” he said in a quick response. “But I’m also so deeply in love with you and I’m more scared of not being able to express that to you every day…”

He audibly swallowed as he stared around my face, and I couldn’t help the smile that appeared on my lips. He returned it after a moment, but I also noticed nervousness in his expression. This conversation was difficult for him, and I knew he was truly terrified.

That’s always what this has been about. He’s been scared.

I ran my fingers through his wet mop of hair, trying to get it out of his face, but to no prevail. The rain and wind had gotten too powerful, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at how messy and embarrassed he looked.

It was adorable.

He broke his gaze from mine and looked up at the sky with a timid frown before glancing back at me.

“We should—”

“I love you too,” I said quickly before I could stop the words from exploding from my mouth.

Now it was his turn to freeze and stare at me.

But he recovered a lot quicker than I had and as if that was all the permission he needed, his lips crashed into mine and he kissed me as if he was dying and I was his only lifeline.