Chapter 137

The longer it takes Steven to answer, the worse I feel for bothering him with this kind of question. It’s insecure, for one thing, which goes against my nature generally. Freaking Beau makes me feel like I’m on unequal footing sometimes. It isn’t fair of me to push that onto Steven to deal with.

“Listen, Steven. Forget I said anything, okay? I didn’t mean –”

“You have nothing to worry about.” Steven is blushing so hard that even the tips of his ears are red.

I startle. “Huh?”

“In regards to your…” He motions to my breasts, then clears his throat. “You are… better than acceptable. So you have nothing to worry about.”

“Oh.” My face starts to heat up now too. I don’t know what kind of answer I was expecting him to give when I asked him, but to hear him actually consider… and to compliment…

I lower my chin. I can’t quite look him in the eye right now.

This awkwardness now is my own damn fault. I asked him to check out and evaluated my chest. I shouldn’t be so surprised to get an answer.

Maybe my surprise is because his answer is so complimentary.

“Thanks…” I say.

“Yeah,” Steven replies.

We glance at each other, then both instantly look away.

Mia babbles and smacks her hands on her high-chair, immediately claiming our attention again. Her eyes are bright as she mumbles nonsense, and she’s so adorable I can’t help but laugh a little. Steven laughs too.

The laughter breaks the awkward tension that had formed between us. Steven and I glance at each other and we laugh harder, this time at ourselves.

As our laughter dies away, I heave a sigh. I feel infinitely better, though there’s still a hint of embarrassment inside of me.

Steven looks at me sideways. “It’s not typical for you to be so self-conscious about your appearance.”

“Yeah, well. I let myself actually listen to Beau.”

Steven’s brow pulls together in confusion. “Beau put you down?”

“Not… exactly…”

“I have a hard time believing that,” Steven says. “I have personally heard him compliment your body many times, including your…” He clears his throat. “Chest.”

“What? When?”

Steven shrugs. “He talks about it a lot to my brothers and me. Some of his comments are… cruder than others, but there is always appreciation.”

Cruder? Is that scoundrel Beau leering at me behind my back?

Appreciation? I bet. More like he’s imagining what it would be like to bed me.

Ug! I hate that my body is into that. I don’t need Beau’s validation, but knowing he likes my body, when he usually brings home the most gorgeous of women, builds me up more than I care to admit.

Yet, at the same time, knowing he’s talking about me like that to his brothers makes me want to throw something – particularly in the direction of Beau’s head. Crude? What a jerk.

I cross my arms, anger brewing.

Steven dips his head, sheepish. “Sorry…”

“It’s not your fault,” I say. I am not about to take my half-pleased, half-annoyed, all-angry mood on Steven. He is just the messenger.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything,” Steven says.

“I’d rather know,” I say. I’m not sure yet if it’s the truth or not, but I don’t want Steven to carry any kind of guilt.

“Okay.” Steven picks up Mia from the high chair. She’s mostly clean though there’s enough damage that she’s going to need a change before bed. I take Mia from Steven and start to try to burp her. Steven grabs a rag and cleans up the mess from the chair.

The mess makes me think of how Neil would do, feeding her. I’ve been putting off instructing Neil to feed her, knowing he wouldn’t do as well with how much of a messy eater Mia is. He’ll have to learn eventually, but… he has too much on his plate right now.

Steven glances up at me. “Something wrong?”

Guess my mood shift was obvious. “Just worrying about Neil.”

Steven nods as he returns to work. “Me, too.”

Silence falls around us again but it’s companionable this time, rather than awkward. Hanging out with Steven feels like this sometimes. We coexist in the quiet, enjoying each other’s company without having to say a word. Though usually he is researching or experimenting while I watch over his shoulder.

This – me feeding the baby, while he cleans up the mess – feels so domestic that it surprises me when I realize. The three of us, in this kitchen, almost feel like a family. A mom, a dad, a baby…

I shake the thoughts away. Steven is handsome and smart and nice. He’s not without flaws, but who is? He can get overly invested in his research to the point of ignoring all else, but that’s only because he’s passionate. He would make an excellent partner, and he will someday, to someone.

Not to me, of course.

What is it with these four brothers that makes me want to chase the impossible? I know I can’t realistically be with any of them, so why does my heart have to beat so hard around them? Why does my mind have to fantasize what it would be like to live in the impossible? To have them as partners?

To have them as people who would love me?

Mia finally burps. Steven finishes cleaning.

“I should go change Mia and get her to sleep,” I say.

Steven takes Mia’s small hand in his. “Thank you for a lovely dinner, Mia.”

Mia smiles at him and giggles.

My entire heart melts.

After saying goodnight to Steven, I carry Mia into the hallway, heading toward her room. We don’t make it very far before I hear the high-pitched giggles of a woman trying too hard. Coupled within that, is the voice Beau uses when he’s trying to be sexy, pitched lower than his usual tone.

“I’m well known for my prowess,” he says. “You’ll find out tonight. Over and over again.”

The woman giggles again.

My own treacherous cheeks start to heat, before I shove that feeling firmly down into the darkest part of my chest. I will not be caught blushing by Beau and his date.

Mia looks at me curiously. When she hears Beau’s voice, her eyes alight with recognition and she begins to chatter.

“My room is just around this corner – oh.”

They turn the corner and suddenly I see them. Beau, with his shirt unbuttoned. His date, with her… holy crap, those are giant tits. And the bra she’s wearing pushes them up and together. She’s wearing the lowest cut v-neck I’ve ever seen. I swear it dips down to her sternum.

Her laughter abruptly cuts off.

I feel bad because I looked at her boobs before her face. Unfortunately, her face is also unfairly pretty.

Even Steven’s words of partial comfort aren’t enough to keep me from feeling inferior in this hallway.

“This way, baby,” Beau says. His arms around the woman’s shoulders. He veers her around me, not even acknowledging me.

Asshole.

“Who was that?” the woman asks.

“Just the Nanny,” Beau replies.

It shouldn’t hurt. I refuse to accept the hurt. I will not let those words hurt me!

Yet, despite my best efforts, it still hurts.

Almost to his door, Beau glances back at me.

And he winks.

I glare in return, which just makes him smile bigger. Then he leads his date into his room and closes the door behind them.

I continue on my way, holding Mia, and try not to think about what they are going to be doing tonight.

What they’ll be doing over and over again, apparently.

“I don’t care what he does,” I grumble. Mia watches me, and I swear I see doubt on her face.