Chapter 155

I can’t stop thinking about Archer’s offer to be my first. It haunts me, even as I try to go about my day. I know he was genuine, and that means something. The way he said the words…

I shake my head.

On my way to Mia’s room to wake her from her nap, I walk past each of the brothers’ bedrooms.

It’s the afternoon, but Beau’s room is locked and quiet, with the lights out. Beau’s still inside, sleeping. How many late nights did we share together? Well, he’s used to that sort of thing. He might be nocturnal.

Beau is a very generous lover. If I were to give my virginity to him, he would likely take his time. He’d probably spend hours preparing me. At that point, it might seem more like blissful torture. We might never get past the foreplay.

Steven’s lights are on. He’s likely in his room during research or experiments. He’s been working extra diligently to try to find ways to help Neil.

Steven and I haven’t taken our relationship past friendship, but I still can’t help but imagine what it might be like to be with him. Would he treat it mechanically? Following a set of pre-prepared steps to achieve a desired result?

Not that I doubt his ability. The man strives for excellence in his fields of study. If he dedicated that same attention to sex, I’m sure it would be mind-blowing.

I keep walking.

At Neil’s room, the lights are on and the door is slightly ajar. Peeking in, I see Neil sitting at his desk, writing. I can only see his back from here, so long and strong, with his wide shoulders.

Neil, always in control. So fun to watch crack in the bedroom. If I give him my virginity, how long would that control last? Would he be able to handle himself as he sinks inside of me and waits for me to adjust to the new presence?

He would do his best to, I know that.

And then of course, Archer. Archer is wild and strong. He’s domineering and insistent. And the over-confident asshole is good at what he does. He’s earned that confidence. Last night – or was it this morning? – had been fantastic. The way he moved…

Gods, if he had been inside of me, I can only imagine how amazing those fluid movements would feel.

Four brothers. Four different types of lovers.

And I can’t for the life of me decide which one I want to be my first.

And I don’t know if I’m ready. I’ve heard so many things about a girl’s first time. Isn’t it supposed to hurt?

Suddenly, Beau’s door clicks open and he steps out in nothing but a pair of silk pajama pants. He’s rubbing his eyes as he enters the hallway. When he sees me standing there, he stops.

“No wonder I couldn’t sleep,” he grumbles. “All your thinking woke me up.”

I should bite back, but I’m a bit embarrassed by exactly what I was thinking about. So I lower my head to hide my blush instead.

Beau comes closer. “What’s this?”

He notches a thumb under my chin and forces my gaze upright. He takes in the sight of me, eyes going from my cheeks to my chin to the top of my forehead. My entire face is on fire.

A devilish grin curls his lips. “Now I definitely want to know what you are thinking about.”

The way he says it, so playful and deep… Seductive. It doesn’t help that he’s not wearing a shirt.

His grin widens. “You are thinking about sex, Nanny. I can tell.”

I glance again at the doors. Steven’s likely too occupied to hear us in the hallway. Gods know where Archer is. But Neil is quiet, and his door is open.

No way I want to have this conversation somewhere he can overhear. The poor guy is going through enough.

“You know I would be happy to give you advice if you ask for it,” Beau says, smug.

I want to tell him off just for his cavalier attitude alone. The thought of revealing such embarrassing thoughts to him makes me want to shrivel up. Move into a cave, maybe. But even there I’m unsure I’ll escape his ridicule.

If I tell him about Archer’s offer, he’s likely to tease me mercilessly.

However…

Beau does have the most experience in these matters. He’s probably taken a lot of girls’ virginities. If anyone would know the answers to some of my questions about it, it’s likely Beau.

“Do you have anyone in there?” I point to Beau’s room.

He glances curiously where I’m pointing, then says, “Not yet.”

I roll my eyes, as I take hold of his arm and drag him toward his room. He could fight me if he wants to, simply by standing still and refusing to budge, but his curiosity must win out because he easily follows me along.

Inside the room, he flicks the lights on. His bed is still unmade. His clothes from last night are scattered on the floor. Ignoring it, I turn to Beau.

I was filled with determination when I dragged him in here, but now that we are here, I’m losing my nerve.

He waits patiently for a long moment, before he finally calls me out.

“Whatever it is, you don’t have to be ashamed talking to me about it.” He laughs. “You know me, I have no shame.”

His words do the trick, and suddenly I’m asking, “Does it hurt for a girl to lose her virginity?”

Beau’s eyes widen for a moment, but then he recovers. He’s still grinning, but his answer sounds honest. “It does hurt for a minute with women, but there are things she and her lover can do before and after that will ease it somewhat.”

I nod. So I do need to be careful which of the brothers I pick. If I pick any of them…

Though I can’t imagine any of them would be forceful – at least the first time. If they know they’re hurting me, they would stop.

“It helps to have a considerate lover,” Beau says. “If he puts your needs before his own, you have nothing to worry about.”

That makes sense. Maybe, if I talk to one of them about –

“Who are you thinking of for your first, Nanny?” Beau asks. He steps closer. His eyes are alight with mischief and curiosity. Any trace of sleepiness is long gone.

I would rather eat the dirty clothes on the floor than give him a name, though I can tell from the way he’s teasing rather than getting annoyed that he suspects one of his brothers.

I haven’t forgotten how possessive Beau had been in the park when he had been teaching me to pick up guys.

“Well?” Beau lifts his brow. He expects an answer.

He really shouldn’t. “It’s none of your business.”

Looking at me, he bursts into laughter. “I’m only trying to help. Tell me who it is, and I’ll tell you if they are a man worthy of being your first.”

I keep my lips sealed.

He waits for a while, but eventually shrugs it off. “No matter. Who they are is irrelevant now anyway.”

I blink. “Why?”

Fire flickers in his eyes. “Don’t settle, Nanny. Not when you can have the best.” He taps his chest. “If you want to lose your virginity, I’m the one who should take it.”