Chapter 320

For the rest of the morning, I desperately try not to think about Neil. Whoever he’s in love with, I won’t be offended by it. The hurt I feel has nothing to do with this new person. She must be great for her to have won Neil’s affections.

The hurt is my own loss, my own problem. I let my feelings for Neil – hell, for all the brothers – overrule reason, and now I am the one who has to deal with the fallout.

I try not to sulk, but it’s hard. The grief is agony. I feel the loss deeply: what could have been, what almost was.

I still manage to smile when Beau and Mia return home. For Mia, I pull on my smile as we play and laugh. My time with her is short, too. Although, as Steven loves me, maybe he would help me sneak in from time to time to check on Mia and on him.

I don’t want to be away from any of the brothers.

After putting down Mia for her nap, I return to the living room to find Beau watching the earlier live broadcast of Neil’s interview. He’s irritable, hurling insults at the screen.

“Why does this bastard get to know what love feels like but I don’t?”

“You’ve never been in love?” I ask.

Beau scoffs, “How would I even know what it is? Neil had the same upbringing as me. Why should he get to feel something like that while I continue to suffer?”

Reflecting on my previous conversation with Steven, I suppose I can understand somewhat. The brothers didn’t exactly have positive role models growing up. Whatever the situation between their parents was and is, it’s not love.

It’s really no wonder, in that case, that the brothers wouldn’t know love, even if that’s what they felt.

“You’ve never had butterflies in your stomach?” I ask.

Beau pauses the interview footage to look at me. “What?”

“A nervous kind of bubbling in your stomach,” I say. “It happens when you are around the person you love.”

“Sounds like indigestion.”

I roll my eyes. Sometimes, I swear, he’s just being purposefully obtuse.

“When you find someone you love, it makes you happy to be around them,” I say. “And you start making concessions in your life to fit that person beside you. Not because you have to. But because you want them to be there.”

I expect more pushback from Beau, but he seems almost thoughtful at my words. At least, he doesn’t comment on them, which feels like a victory with him. He almost always has something witty or sarcastic to add.

“Chloe…” he says, and he almost seems… earnest? It’s strange, coming from him. Whatever it is, must be truly important. But Beau doesn’t say anything after that, not even as I wait patiently for him to continue.

Eventually, his phone begins to buzz. Sighing, he retrieves it from his pocket. It must have been a text. He taps then scrolls through. Then he casts his phone to the side, tossing it carelessly onto the couch cushions.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Oh.” He groans dramatically. “Just my usual Wednesday hookup wanting to know what time to meet.”

Something leaden forms in my stomach, pressing down.

Beau’s hookups. Of course.

Beau is a sexual creature, he always has been. It would be so foolish of me to think that just because he’s been sleeping with me, that he would stop sleeping with other people.

The phone buzzes again, and a few more times against the couch cushions.

“She must be desperate to see you,” I say.

Beau shrugs. “It’s been a while since we’ve gotten together. She’s miffed about it.”

How long? I can’t bring myself to ask. “Avoiding her probably isn’t going to help.”

“She’ll get over it. They all will.”

They.

Beau glances at me and see my incredulous look. “What do I need to go out every night? Can’t a man just enjoy staying home for a change?”

“You can do whatever the hell you want,” I say.

“Good, then.” Beau slumps down on the couch. He stretches out, lifting his feet up and into my lap. “Now tell me more about these butterflies…”

So I do.

Neil returns home sometime later. By now, Beau’s watching Mia and I’m making myself dinner in the kitchen. Neil knocks on the kitchen doorframe, drawing my attention, but doesn’t move past it.

He watches me like he’s studying me, but I haven’t a clue what he’s searching for. After all, what’s he even doing here? Shouldn’t he be off and away with the woman he loves?

I slice the potato I’m cutting a little bit harder than usual. The knife jumps and nicks my finger.

“Shit.”

It’s not a deep cut, but it’s more than enough to annoy me.

I can and should do better. I’m letting my upset feelings over Neil’s new love drive me to carelessness.

“Careful,” Neil says, rushing to me. He gently takes my hand in his and inspects my fingertip. There’s a little bit of blood, but it’s already healing. My increased healing ability has been growing stronger and stronger. At this rate, I’m certain my wolf will manifest on or near my birthday.

Neil holds my finger under the water until the blood is washed clean. Then, he inspects it once more.

“It’s healing,” he says, satisfied. Slowly, still holding my hand, he lifts his gaze to me. With our gazes locked, Neil lifts my hand up closer to his mouth and, tenderly, places a soft kiss to the tip of my finger, directly over the healing cut. “Better now?”

I swallow hard and nod.

He shouldn’t be doing this with me. Won’t the woman he loves get jealous? Yet I cannot bring myself to pull away or to look away. I want to stay in the safety of this moment forever, where I am the only woman in Neil’s life.

How selfish of me. I don’t care.

“Chloe… did you watch my interview today?” Neil asks.

My heart falls. Of course he would bring that up. I might not want that other woman here in the space between us, but she intrudes all the same. Being in Neil’s heart makes her ever-present.

I slip my hand away from his and step back, placing more space between us.

Confusion covers Neil’s face, followed quickly by hurt. What does he have to be hurt about? I’m the one in love with a man incapable of giving me his heart.

But I’m done being a coward. At least I’ll know who. I’ll make sure it’s someone worthy of him. Then I’ll be able to move on.

Maybe.

“Neil,” I gather my courage and brace myself for an answer I know is going to hurt me.

He seems as nervous as me, though he hides it better. “Yes?”

I inhale a great breath. “Who is the woman you love?”

Neil’s nerves immediately deflate away from him. The hurt subsides. The confusion lingers a beat longer, then disappears too.

“You don’t know?” he asks.

I shrug helplessly. “She has to be someone really special.”

“She is,” Neil says.

“Someone beautiful, probably.”

“Yes.” Neil inches closer to me.

“Smart?”

Neil nods. He continues closing the distance until he’s right in front of me, looking down. “Though in this moment, I think her emotions have clouded her clarity. She’s acting very foolish.”

“Oh, shit,” I gasp.

I can see now, the way he’s looking at me with fond adoration.

“The woman is me.”

“Took you long enough,” Neil says as he wraps his arms around me and kisses me.