Chapter 39

I can’t help but to smile back at Archer. He averts his gaze from mine, looking back down at Mia. My next words come out before I can stop myself.

“You’re a good dad,”

Archer snorts and shifts Mia in his arms. She’s so drowsy that she barely stirs.

“Sure.”

“I mean it,” I say. “You’ll be a great dad to the next generation of Alpha’s as well.”

Archer frowns. He keeps his head tipped down, avoiding my gaze. “I don’t know if that’s in the cards for me,” he mumbles.

“Why not?” I jut my chin towards Mia. “Sure you needed some help but you picked it up so quickly.”

Archer chuckles slightly. “I’m not worried about the actual dad part,” he says. “More so the falling in love, getting married part.”

“What?” I scoff. “I see how girls throw themselves at you.”

“Because I want to marry someone who throws themselves at people because they want the opportunity to be Alpha Queen,” Archer says with a raised brown. He shakes his head. “That’s not love. That’s people looking for power.”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone who isn’t power hungry,” I try and reassure him. Though, I’m not too sure he actually will.

“I had someone,” Archer says. There’s a solemn shift in his voice. “She was beautiful. Inside and out.” He smiles to himself. “She was more than the love of my life. She was my best friend. Talented, smart, feisty. I think if we were trapped in a bubble forever, just the two of us, that would be the best life I could ever life.”

“That’s really nice,” I say.

“It was,” He shrugs and heaves a huge sigh. “But she was sad. Deeply, deeply sad.”

I blink at him. I feel like I should say something. Archer’s never been this vulnerable with me. It feels like he’s never been this vulnerable with anyone ever. I don’t know what to say. I let him keep going, piling through his story.

“She … she harmed herself. Once,” he sighs again. “We thought it would be just that once. But it kept happening. Again and again. Her mind starting going to. She was starting to mess up her dreams and realities. She was paranoid all the time. Even her wolf was losing it. None of us could get to her. She was a shell of herself.”

He shifts uncomfortably. “I tried everything,” he goes on. “I spent every cent I could getting her help. But she never got better. No amount of pills or potions could solve the turmoil in her head. Then, one day, she was gone.”

I don’t want to ask but the way he stated it was so ominous. Did she disappear? Did they institutionalize her? He looks up at me and I can tell he’s sense my confusion.

“She killed herself,” he says plainly. “Sliced through her wrist too far. Bled out on the floor of her bathroom.”

It’s far worse than I can imagine. I can’t help the way my jaw falls from my face. I stare back at him. His jaw is so tight and I feel a sob itching at the back of my throat. I just continue to stare at him. Finally, I find my voice.

“Archer, I—”

“I don’t need sympathy,” he says. It sounds so plain. Like he’s made peace with it. “But you can sense why I’m hesitant to try again.” He shakes his head and looks down at Mia. “That’s why you don’t get close to people. Caring for people opens you up for the ability to lose them.”

He swallows thickly. I can start to hear the emotion again. He’s staring down at Mia. I know his last words are directed at her. The small bundle of joy wrapped in his arms. His voice croaks when he speaks again.

“I can’t lose anyone again.”

I feel wetness streak down my cheeks. I blot at my cheek with my hand. I hadn’t even realized I was crying. Here I am, crying again because of Archer. Only this time, my heart aches for him. Everyone bone in my body is screaming to move and comfort him, to wrap him between my arms. I fight the urge but allow myself to put my hand over his.

He looks up at me and I can see the terror in his eyes. I can see the reason for his hardened exterior. I can see all the anger that’s been brewing up inside him over years. It’s the reason why he has such sporadic out bursts. The steam build up became too much. He had to let it out.

Everything about Archer Hayes makes a bit more sense now. It all breaks my heart.

“You can’t give up on love,” I say, hoarse and quiet.

Archer shrugs. “Maybe love’s given up on me.”

“No, no,” I shake my head fervently. “You have to open your heart. Accept the love in. Don’t try and shut it out.” I squeeze his hand. “You will find someone. Someone to love and someone to hold. Hells, maybe you’ll even find a true mate.”

“True mate?” he scoffs. He gives me a look. “Come on, Chloe. You know how rare those are.”

It’s one of the only times he’s said my name. It sounds like honey in my ears, dripping down my throat and pooling in my stomach. Sticky, sweet and tempting.

I ignore the lick of desire inside me and remove my hand from his. He frowns and I feel the same way. The absence is so strong. I sigh again. Archer sighs with me.

We look to see Mia is completely asleep. Archer turns around and gently fastens her in her car seat. She stretches once with a grumble but then falls back asleep. Archer looks back at me after righting himself in the driver’s seat.

“I dunno,” he mumbles. His knee twitches against the floor of the jeep. “I’m happy where I am. I’m okay with my life now. I guess that’s all that really matters. Everything else is just a bonus at this point.”

I watch him thrum his fingers on the steering wheel. I can’t help but feel like I’ve been a reason for it. Me and Mia. Two unknowns that randomly got thrown into the Hayes fairytale and were told to sink or swim. It’s bold of me to think I’m part of Archer’s happiness, but I do it anyways.

Archer leans forward to peer out the windshield. He squints and then turns the wipers on. The scene in front of us clears. There’s a raw of sunlight beaming in through a part in the clouds. The rain has gone down to a dull thrum.

“I think we can finally get back on the road,” Archer says softly. He glances over his shoulder. “Mia’s asleep too so she should be good until we’re home. Just a little bit longer.”

I nod at Archer and watch him put the key into the car. The Jeep whirs back to life. Within a minute, we’ve pulled out of the gas station and hit the highway again.

I tuck my knees to my chest and lean my head against the freezing cold window. I can’t help but continue to think about Archer and his former love. My heart is heavy and hardened by the story. My brain churns over and over to try and process the story.

I’m thinking so hard, I hardly notice the way my eyes slowly slip shut.