Chapter 80

I’m trying to convince myself that I’m not hiding in the bathroom, but I definitely am. It’s been an hour since I ran away from Neil, and I’m not ready to come out.

That is, until I hear someone come into Mia’s room. I’m in the attached bathroom. If it’s Neil returning Mia, I don’t want to reveal myself after she’s already settled down and risk upsetting her.

So I take a breath, gather my wilting courage, and open the door.

Neil is slowly lowering Mia down into her crib. He’s moving slowly, treating Mia like she’s made of glass. It’s good. Mia is fragile.

Her eyes are closed in restful slumber. Slowly, like he’s defusing a bomb, he removes his hands and lifts them back up to his chest.

We both wait a moment, anticipating a sudden and loud awakening, but Mia stays asleep.

I press a hand to my heart. I’m so proud of Neil. He’s come so far. I feel a little victory in this moment, since I’m the one who taught him.

Another moment passes and nothing happens. Then Neil reaches for the baby monitor and clicks it on. He looks at me and nods his head toward the hallway.

I don’t really want to follow him. I haven’t forgotten our earlier argument, and I certainly haven’t forgotten how hot he makes me feel.

But, seeing the gentle way he handled Mia, and still caught in the afterglow of pride, I feel strong enough to do as he suggests, and I follow him into the hallway, and then into his room.

He places the baby monitor on top of his dresser. He stays there, facing away from me.

“Have you had enough space?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I say, because that’s the truth.

“You say we don’t show you kindness,” Neil says. He pauses. “I’m not sure I even know what kindness is.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” I say. “Look at the way you handled Mia.”

He looks over his shoulder at me. His gaze is withering. “She’s a baby.”

I shrug. “It’s as good a place to start as any, when you don’t know what you’re doing.”

He straightens. “I need to know how to do everything. How to treat people in every capacity. Even, I suppose, in kindness, as weak as it is.”

“Kindness isn’t weakness.”

He faces me now. “You said it yourself. It’s giving without expecting anything in return. What would be the benefit? The gain? To give and not receive, leaves you with less.”

“But you feel good,” I argue.

He pauses. His brow scrunches up. “You do?”

I nod. “Try it. See what I mean.” I’m playing with fire now. The only person present for him to try being kind on is me.

He exhales a long breath. “Okay.”

Wait. What? He’s actually agreeing?!

He levels me with a steady, studious gaze. “How do I do this?”

My throat goes dry. I could throw him a snarky remark, but honestly, I want this. I want kindness from him and the brothers. At least, a little bit.

Their asshole behaviors can be a thrill, but I want to be a good girl.

I want to hear the words.

So I swallow hard and say, “Give me a compliment. One that’s genuine, and you don’t expect anything in return.”

He stands still a moment, as if letting the words soak through, then he’s moving closer. And closer still. I think he’ll stop two or three feet away but he moves right up into my personal space.

“You…” He makes several false starts, before he finally completes his thought. “You are valued, Chloe.”

The simple words take my breath away. After a month of endless work and fighting, to receive such simple praise nearly sends me to my knees.

I’m weak. I can’t look away.

He searches my face. My gaze stills on my forehead where some of my hair has come loose from my ponytail. Slowly, gently, he reaches up and brushes back those loose strands. When he’s done, his fingers stay on my face. They trail, feather light, over my cheek and down the column of my neck.

Then he places his hand flat along my collarbone, with his thumb hooking around the other side of my throat. Like this, his hand sits like a collar, just below my real one, and I feel possessed. Like I belong to him.

I want to belong to him.

“Is this kindness, Chloe?” he asks in a whisper.

It takes me a moment to find my voice. “It is if I want it.”

He tilts his head. Something’s changed in him, like this. Gone is the questioning student, and in his place, a dutiful master.

He steps closer, his legs touch mine. His chest is mere inches away. His hand is still heavy around my throat. He’s not squeezing, but the very presence of it is stealing my breath.

He has total control over me.

A fire sparks in his eyes.

I know he likes it.

Painfully slow, he lowers his mouth toward my ear. “And do you want this, Chloe?”

I should say no. I should shove him away, and run for the hills, or as far as I can go without breaking the terms of my contract.

But I’m beyond the capacity of lying. Neil’s fierce gaze, staring straight down into my soul keeps the lies buried down in my throat. Somehow I know he’ll see them. He’ll know.

“I do,” I say, voice wiry like he has been choking me.

His fingers curl, coming up and closing around my neck now. His wide hand has engulfed the collar I do wear. Like this, the rest of the brothers are gone from our sight and our mine.

Only he and I exist in this moment that he commands.

His eyes fall to my lips and he leans in closer. His nose brushes mine. His breath is hot on my cheek, on my mouth.

If he kisses me, I might have a heart attack, for how hard my heart is beating. But if he doesn’t, I might have heart failure instead, from the disappointment.

Wildly in the back of my mind, I consider Neil’s condemnation of me. Subordinate. Maybe that’s how he likes it. Maybe he really wants me on my knees.

I’ve never given a blow job before. I don’t know the first thing about it, other than it looks damn uncomfortable for the girl, keeping her mouth wide open like that.

But with Neil… he would guide me. He wouldn’t let me do it wrong.

I’m half ready to drop already, but the hand on my neck keeps me from moving overmuch.

“Is it kindness if I want to take you apart?” he continues, voice rough now, wolf-like and growling. “Is it kind to want to fill your mouth with my cock every time you talk back to me?”

Oh, he’s losing it now. And it’s glorious.

Perfect Neil, ever in control, about to lose himself because he wants to fuck me so badly.

I want to be a brat with him. I want to watch him crack and get a little rough.

“Maybe I should talk back more often,” I say, baiting him.

His brow immediately lowers. His hand tightens just a tiny bit, enough for me to feel it, to know he’s in charge.

“I can make you be good, Chloe. And it will make you so wild, you’ll beg me for it.”

He’s intense and hot, and his skin is searing where it touches mine.

I want more. I want everything.

I’m ready to let him do whatever he wants and beg him for the privilege.

But then a sound crackles through the baby monitor.

And Mia starts wailing.