Chapter 91

Monday morning, I walk into class and notice Tides’ seat is empty. I guess that’s nothing to immediately worry about, but knowing what I know about the people he owes money to, I can’t help but feel a growing sense of trepidation.

I take my seat near Debbie. She’s practically bouncing in her chair.

“You’ll never believe what happened,” she says.

That feeling of trepidation inside of me grows into full-on dread.

“What happened?” I ask.

“Tide was attacked,” Debbie says.

I know her grin is borne in excitement of sharing the hottest gossip, but it still feels mismatched against the words she’s saying.

“He was jumped on his way to class by some muggers. They took what little money he had, but that mustn’t have been enough. They put him in the hospital. He has a slew of broken bones and bruises all over his face. Someone said they went to visit and didn’t even recognize him.”

A pit forms in my stomach and I think I might be sick. Those guys that attacked Tide weren’t muggers. They were loan-sharks, coming to collect on Tides’ debt.

The logical side of my brain knows that this isn’t my fault. Tide and his family made their own mistakes. They must face their own consequences. But I still feel responsible.

If I gave him the money I had, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

“He’s in really bad shape,” Debbie says. “He’s lucky to be alive.” She’s still smiling. “Isn’t that terrible?”

“It is.”

I try to pay attention in class, but my thoughts are a million miles away. Two grand is a lot of money, but if it would have kept him from being beat to a pulp…

Neil wouldn’t approve. None of the brothers would. They would have punished me.

But Tide would have been okay.

Gods, I feel like the worst kind of asshole.

“Do you know which hospital?” I ask Debbie.

Debbie writes it down for me.

I want to go visit, but I’ll have to ask Neil. He’s not going to understand. And after everything that’s happened lately, he might not feel like doing me any favors.

No, maybe it will work in my favor. If Neil feels awkward enough around me, he might give me what I want if it means getting me out of his hair.

A slight pain pings in my chest. I don’t know why that thought bothers me so much.

It’s no secret I’m not all that special to the Hayes’ brothers. Just because Neil and I had…

It doesn’t mean anything.

Just like my moments with Archer didn’t mean anything.

The next month and a half couldn’t go by quickly enough. Then I’ll be free of the brothers and their mixed signals and their making me feel like shit.

When I make it home, I go to Neil’s room to collect Mia and ask about going to visit Tide. I knock on his door.

“Enter,” he calls.

That’s weirdly formal, but whatever. I push open the door. Neil is standing beside his desk, looking through some paperwork. Mia is in a playpen near the foot of his bed.

Neil doesn’t look at me when I enter.

Things ended a bit tumultuously the last time we interacted, but this ice-cold shoulder is still a bit shocking. Neil, sometimes an asshole, is still one of the nicer of the brothers – compared to Archer and Beau.

Unlike Beau, he calls me by my name. Unlike Archer, he let me orgasm.

My face burns at the thought.

“Uh, Neil?”

“One minute.” He flips through another page. I have no idea what he’s looking at. It doesn’t look all that important, but what do I know? Maybe he just wants me to wait.

Mia hoists herself up against the mesh wall of her playpen. She garbles some nonsense words as if trying to get my attention.

“Can I pick up Mia?” I ask. “I’m pretty sure she wants to say hi.”

“I said, wait.” His voice is frosty. Not very Neil-like.

I honestly can’t stand it. I don’t want to talk about what happened between us. What’s done is done. But if he’s going to act like a class-A jerk around me now, then maybe we need to discuss it again.

“Is everything okay? You seem… off.”

“This is how men treat their subordinates.” He says it so matter-of-fact. What utter bullshit.

“I see. Do men often coat their subordinates’ chests with their cum?”

Neil drops the pages he’s holding. When he looks at me, his eyes are as icy as the rest of him.

I guess I shouldn’t have teased him.

At least this time all he does is glare at me. He doesn’t try to take back what happened this time. He doesn’t deny it, or devalue it.

He just… glares.

Mia continues to babble, louder than before.

Neil sighs, then walks toward the playpen. He lifts Mia, but he holds her out away from him stiffly with both arms, like he has forgotten everything I taught him.

Mia starts to kick, struggling. She’s clearly uncomfortable. Who would want to be held upright by their armpits?

Worse, when Mia starts to cry, Neil doesn’t even flinch. He brings her toward me. I quickly pluck her from his hands and bring her against my chest. She’s still upset though.

“Deal with that,” Neil says flatly.

He’s acting like such an asshole, I’m starting to be genuinely concerned. “What the hell happened to you, Neil?”

Was it his father again? Gods, if his father found out he tried to fuck the Nanny, there would be hell to pay. But I haven’t been thrown out onto the street, so the Alpha King probably isn’t aware.

Maybe Neil’s still worried he might find out? He is a diligent son.

Neil doesn’t answer my question. He just frowns at me. “I have a lot of work to do. Please stop Mia’s crying.” He motions toward the door. “Elsewhere.”

I huff out a frustrated breath. “Fine. Sorry to exist in your presence.” Shaking my head, I head out into the hallway.

He doesn’t stop me. I hate myself for wanting him to. When will I ever learn? Even befriending these brothers is a hopeless endeavor.

The walls they built around themselves are too tall, too thick. Sometimes, I feel like I can see through cracks, to the true people they are underneath. But then, they repair those cracks and force me out again.

Neil was the first boy to put his mouth to my tits. The first one to rub me until I got off. The first one to masturbate on top of me.

Seeing him today, I feel like I only imagined those things. He was so attentive, firm but generous. I loved every second.

Now it seems like that man doesn’t actually exist.

Back in Mia’s room, I gently rock her until her tears dry up.

“You were in there with him,” I say to her. “Do you know why he’s wound so tight this time?”

Mia babbles, then tries to fit her entire fist into her mouth.

If she knows, she’s not telling. Not that she can even if she wants to.

I sit Mia down on the ground and join her there. I place some toys between us.

Only then do I realize I had been so distracted by Neil’s behavior that I forgot to ask him to make time in my schedule for Tide.

I sigh gruffly, disgusted with myself and how easily I let the Hayes’s distract me.

Well, I’ll try again later.

I don’t want to face him again so soon. The jerk.

The jerk with the amazing tongue. And those hands…

I cover my face with my hands and groan.

I’m hopeless.