Chapter 1 Two Lines

The pregnancy test strip slipped from my fingers and hit the sink with a soft plastic knock.

I stared at it like it had personally offended me. It had two lines.

The lines that were not faint or blurry, they were two bold and very visible lines.

For a long time, I held my breath. I just stood there in the tiny bathroom of my apartment, the tap was still running, water was spilling over the edge of the basin, and dripping onto the floor tiles.

I stood there looking at two lines for a man whose name I never even asked.

I tried to laugh, but it wasn't funny; my laughter sounded so out of place in the silence.

“This is not funny,” I whispered to the empty room. Nothing about this felt like a joke.

I turned off the tap and picked up the pregnancy test strip with trembling fingers. My hands were wet and so were my cheeks. I didn’t realize I had started crying.

I sat on the cold toilet seat and tried to count backwards from ten.

Ten.

Nine.

Eight.

The memory from that night came back like a slap. The sound of the loud music. The dim lights. The champagne. The way my head had been spinning long before I stepped into that hotel elevator.

Seven.

Six.

Five...I continued counting.

I closed my eyes tightly, nothing but regrets filled my mind. I shouldn’t have gone to that party. I shouldn’t have let my colleague drag me along because she had an extra invite.

My phone rang that faithful morning and it was my colleague at the cafe where I worked.

"Hello". She sounded excited.

"What'sup"

"How would you like to roll with the big ballers in town"

I had known my colleague for a while and she wasn't a big baller in this town.

"How, did you suddenly become rich overnight"? I asked genuinely confused.

She laughed, "O ye of little faith" she teased.

"A customer invited me to this party, it is huge and I'm telling you, a lot of rich people will be there".

"I don't know how I feel about going, I have a lot going on in my life right now and..."

"Exactly" she interrupted. "That's why you need this".

I could really use a break or a distraction but I wasn't moved and as if she could hear my thoughts, she continued.

"Dress well, I'll pick you up in the evening" she sounded so excited.

"We are going to have a lot of fun, see ya later". She hung up before I could say anything else.

Later that evening at the party, a stranger walked up to me and offered me a drink. He looked familiar, between the dim light and the alcohol, it didn't matter, I must have seen his face somewhere, perhaps on TV, rich people like to show off, they are all the same, and I was not in the mood for a chitchat to find out, I only wanted to unwind.

I shouldn’t have accepted a drink from a stranger I didn’t know. I shouldn’t have followed a stranger into an elevator because his voice was calm, and because I needed a distraction to stop thinking about hospital bills and night shifts and overdue rent.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

I eventually opened my eyes, the test was still there. There was no way I could wish this away.

A sharp knock on my bathroom door made me jump.

"Nina?" My younger sister called from the living room. "You are going to be late for your first day at work".

Oh my God! My new job.

I had completely forgotten today was supposed to be an important day. A Life changing day.

I had gotten a new job, a real job. One that will pay enough for me to stop working double shifts at the cafe and maybe, just maybe, start saving for my sister's surgery instead of barely surviving each month.

I quickly wrapped the test in tissue and shoved it into the cabinet under the sink as if hiding it would erase it.

“I’m coming!” I shouted back, forcing my voice to sound normal.

I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes were red, my hair was a mess, my face looked like I hadn’t slept in days, which was actually true.

I splashed water on my face and wiped it off with a towel.

"You are not falling apart today", I told my reflection in the mirror.

"You have a new job", You are not going to panic over two lines.

My heart didn't believe what I just said and my stomach turned at the sound of two lines.

I walked out into the living room, and my sister Lily looked up from the couch, smiling. Her legs were tucked under a blanket, and she was flipping through an old magazine like she always did in the morning.

"You are dressed already"? she asked. "You look… tense".

I forced a smile. "It's a big day".

"You have got this, I know you have". She grinned.

"You finally quit that horrible cafe job and stop smelling like burnt coffee every night".

I laughed, and this time it sounded almost real. She didn’t notice the way my hands shook when I picked up my bag.

She didn’t notice that I did not eat breakfast. She didn’t notice that my mind was panicking, and I was grateful.

Because if Lily found out, she would panic too. And she did not deserve that. Not when she had enough to worry about.

"I will be back before noon", I said. Don’t open the door for anyone.

She rolled her eyes. "I am not five".

"You are still by baby sister". I jokingly said.

I stepped out of the apartment and closed the door gently behind me.

The hallway smelled like detergent and old paint. Mrs. Duke from downstairs was arguing with someone on the phone. A baby was crying in another apartment. Life was going on normally.

"How could everything still be normal?"

I walked down the stairs in confusion.

I was pregnant and I didn’t even know his name.

I remembered his face and his voice. The way he had looked at me like I was the only person in the room. But I didn’t know his name.