Chapter 1 The Boy I Bullied

Alyssa’s POV

One. Two. Three. I released a slow breath, counting the tiles on the restroom floor until the tightness in my chest loosened just enough to function. I had learned the trick years ago- how to hold my emotions at a level my body could tolerate. 

Too much of anything- fear, excitement, embarrassment- and my system short-circuited. My hands would shake, my vision would blur, my lungs would forget how to work. Then I’d needs my medications. And I hated needing them.

It was the reason I didn’t overthink anything. At least, I tried not to.

 My first day at the most elite university in Calderon Heights might not go bad like my paranoia made me think after all. I took one last look at the campus restroom mirror, affirming mentally to myself as I smoothed my pale purple skirt- that I fit in here.

That was a lie.

 I had freaked out when my mother came with the information a month ago. She had just landed a job as the private house chef for one of the wealthiest family in the city- The Jackmans. The job came with the condition that she would live on the estate, and somehow- still unreal to me, they offered me sponsorship to the same private college their only son attended.

I hadn’t asked for any of it.

I had even felt embarrassed when my mother told me her master gave me the offer because she told him about my nature- how my brain processed things differently, leading to my panic attacks. 

 She had only wanted permission for me to live with her in their quarters. Her request wasn’t only granted, they also offered me the opportunity. I had had to ignore my previous application to a public college. Now, here I was- as anxious as ever, standing in a pristine restroom with marble sinks, about to step into a world that had never been designed for girls like me.

‘Just don’t draw attention, and you’ll get through the day.’ I told myself.

Ignoring my inner voice that asked me to stay hidden here till school closes, I slung my bag over my shoulders, sucking my chapped lips in as I pushed through the doors. I navigated my way to where the campus game was happening, and I was immediately met with screams and cheers. I swallowed hard.

I followed the noise toward the open field. At least if I must know how the school operates, this was an opportunity to observe the campus and its students silently.

My steps slowed as the crowd thickened. Students lined the sidelines, voices rising in excitement, phones raised, bodies pressed together in a way that made my skin itch. I took them in- Their sleek appearances, care-free manners in which they roamed around. This was college. The feeling settled on my introverted self coldly.

The kids here definitely couldn’t relate to the kind of traumatic past I had.

I blinked, grounding myself before my mind could travel down that memory lane I had promised myself not to dwell on again. Instead, I focused on the present- the air around me. It smelled like adrenaline. I was about to turn around and leave when I saw him. He stood at the center of it all, helmet lifted off, sweat clinging to the visible parts of his skin, Jersey stretched across a chest that looked unfairly broad. Lean waist.

His arms were corded, veins faintly visible beneath sun-kissed skin. His hair-damp and brown, fell messily over his forehead before he dragged a hand through it, pushing it back. When he laughed, the sound was easy. His aura was strong- like someone who the world had never told ‘no’ before.

He looked unreal- like he belonged on a screen.

Something shifted in my chest.

No, I shouldn’t be ogling a boy I was just seeing for the first time at my first day in college. Besides, I wasn’t allowed to. I hated men. All they bring is chaos. And chaos? Makes me panic. It embarrasses me all the time.

“Did you see that last throw?” a girl yelled behind me. “That’s our quarterback!” 

Another louder voice cut through beside her. “Kayden Just carried the whole damn game!” Kayden. So, his name is Kayden. And he is their Quarterback. Just the kind of boys I dislike. They act like the world revolves around them, and for someone with a look as his, he would definitely be arrogant, nonchalant and rude.

God, Alyssa… I was unfairly judging someone I knew nothing about. But it was easier to cook up reasons to dislike him than wondering why my gaze kept drifting back to him.

I turned away, intending to leave before the noise overwhelmed me, but I misjudged my step. My shoulder clipped into someone else’s, my balance faltered, and the next thing I knew- I fell face-flat on the floor. “Watch it, blind girl!” The girl snapped, even though I was the one lying on the floor, wishing the ground could swallow me or this place should turn empty. Heat crawled up my neck as I pushed myself upright, already planning my escape when a humiliating voice came. “Who the heck wear brown cotton panties in college?”

Laughter followed immediately, and I hoped for my mental health sake that I wasn’t the object of their mockery. But then, I felt air on my butt area, my inner thighs too. No. No, no, no-

My breath caught as I reached out instinctively, fingers grazing bare skin. My skirt had shifted up. 

My stomach dropped with shame, my panic surging at the same time. More eyes snapped to me- making me feel ridiculously announced. 

My vision tunneled as I jerked my skirt down with shaking hands, only to spin too fast and feel fabric tear beneath my fingers. A sharp rip.

The sound echoed louder than their laughter in my head. 

“Yo! we got a better view of the panties now. The brown color is uglyyyy,” I was losing my mind by the passing seconds. I struggled to hold my skirt together. None here seemed like they were coming to help me.

My paranoia was starting to overwhelm me and I couldn’t even move. I was not always like this. I was smart and defiant in my own little way, but it felt different this time around. These kids weren’t of my caliber.   

“She seems dumb.”

“You forgot to add ‘fat’”

And that was it. The fat-shaming. I wanted to talk back, but my lips only shook- nothing coming out of it.

A body leaned close behind me, close enough that his mint breath brushed my ear. I froze.  

“Still tripping over your own feet, huh?” The husky voice slid straight through me like a knife. And that was only because the words felt nostalgic. I’ve heard those words before- No. I’ve said them before. Back in the family camp when I used to bully one particular timid boy. For a reason though.

I turned- slowly. As my gaze lifted to take his face in, I felt him wrap something around my waist, covering the thorn area fully. My chest thumped when our faces finally met. Sharp blue eyes pierced my brown ones. I muffled a gasp. It was him-The quarterback from earlier. Now looking at him closely, his younger face resurfaced in my head.

He was the same boy I bullied in camp when I was twelve. My heartbeat fastened, sweat dropped around my face, the situation getting me overly worked up.

He just saved his own bully. Or he had only helped so I would know it was him.

And just like that, my long story with the star quarterback started. The boy I should have run away from.