Chapter 205 THIRTY-FIVE - THE CONDITION

I sit with this for two days. I sit with it while holding my mom’s hand and watching chemo drip and eating cafeteria sandwiches and texting Miles and calling Rhys and saying fine. The calculation is running underneath every interaction in away that is consuming the parts of me that I need to functio...

Chapters

1. Chapter 1 CHAPTER 1 - REJECTED BY MY BEST FRIEND

2. Chapter 2 CHAPTER 2 - ONE NIGHT STAND WITH A HOT STRANGER

3. Chapter 3 CHAPTER 3 - NEW BOY, OLD FLING

4. Chapter 4 CHAPTER 4 - STUCK BETWEEN TWO BOYS

5. Chapter 5 CHAPTER 5 - THE HICKEY FROM MY LOVING STRANGER

6. Chapter 6 CHAPTER 6 - DINNER WITH MY NEW ST3PBROTHER

7. Chapter 7 CHAPTER 7 - TO KISS OR TO KILL

8. Chapter 8 CHAPTER 8 - THE FAKE DATING DEAL

9. Chapter 9 CHAPTER 9 - CAMPUS' NEW GOSSIP

10. Chapter 10 CHAPTER 10 - SLEEPING WITH MY STEPBROTHER

11. Chapter 11 CHAPTER 11 - AVOIDING THE TRUTH

12. Chapter 12 CHAPTER 12 - MY NEW NORMAL

13. Chapter 13 CHAPTER 13 - LIBRARY AFFECTION

14. Chapter 14 CHAPTER 14 - MY NEW STALKER

15. Chapter 15 CHAPTER 15 - OUR FIRST CRACK

16. Chapter 16 CHAPTER 16 - MEMORIZING IN PIECES

17. Chapter 17 CHAPTER 17 - TOO LATE FOR TAKEBACKS

18. Chapter 18 CHAPTER 18 - BUILDING WALLS

19. Chapter 19 CHAPTER 19 - WEARING HIS NAME

20. Chapter 20 CHAPTER 20 - THIS ISN'T OVER

21. Chapter 21 CHAPTER 21 - WHAT ARE WE?

22. Chapter 22 CHAPTER 22 - HOLDING ON

23. Chapter 23 CHAPTER 23 - NOT A COINCIDENCE

24. Chapter 24 CHAPTER 24 - HIS NEW PLACEHOLDER

25. Chapter 25 CHAPTER 25 - OUR FAVORITE LANGUAGE

26. Chapter 26 CHAPTER 26 - KEEPING HER CLOSE

27. Chapter 27 CHAPTER 27 - HIS SURRENDER

28. Chapter 28 CHAPTER 28 - I'M STAYING

29. Chapter 29 CHAPTER 29 - THE MAJOR SCARE

30. Chapter 30 CHAPTER 30 - DEAL OR NO DEAL

31. Chapter 31 CHAPTER 31 - HOW WE WORK

32. Chapter 32 CHAPTER 32 - PAYING ATTENTION

33. Chapter 33 CHAPTER 33 - NOT WORTH IT

34. Chapter 34 CHAPTER 34 - NO WORDS

35. Chapter 35 CHAPTER 35 - SOMETHING WORTH PROTECTING

36. Chapter 36 CHAPTER 36 - A PERFORMANCE

37. Chapter 37 CHAPTER 37 - NO MORE WALLS

38. Chapter 38 CHAPTER 38 - EXPOSED

39. Chapter 39 CHAPTER 39 - SLOWLY CHANGING

40. Chapter 40 CHAPTER 40 - THE TALK

41. Chapter 41 CHAPTER 41 - FAMILY MATTERS

42. Chapter 42 CHAPTER 42 - HALF THE STORY

43. Chapter 43 CHAPTER 43 - WHAT IT COSTS

44. Chapter 44 CHAPTER 44 - THE TIGHTENING LEASH

45. Chapter 45 CHAPTER 45 - ANIMAL

46. Chapter 46 CHAPTER 46 - DON'T LEAVE

47. Chapter 47 CHAPTER 47 - RUMORS

48. Chapter 48 CHAPTER 48 - NOTICING THE PATTERNS

49. Chapter 49 CHAPTER 49 - TWO WEEKS

50. Chapter 50 CHAPTER 50 - THE CALLS

51. Chapter 51 CHAPTER 51 - TWICE A DAY

52. Chapter 52 CHAPTER 52 - 2AM

53. Chapter 53 CHAPTER 53 - MOM

54. Chapter 54 CHAPTER 54 - I CAME BACK

55. Chapter 55 CHAPTER 55 - FAMILY DINNER

56. Chapter 56 CHAPTER 56 - MILES

57. Chapter 57 CHAPTER 57 - I MISSED YOU

58. Chapter 58 CHAPTER 58 - THE FEATURE

59. Chapter 59 CHAPTER 59 - SILENCE

60. Chapter 60 CHAPTER 60 - THE CALM

61. Chapter 61 CHAPTER 61 - EGGSHELLS

62. Chapter 62 CHAPTER 62 - NOMES

63. Chapter 63 CHAPTER 63 - MINE

64. Chapter 64 CHAPTER 64 - CALEB OR CALEB?

65. Chapter 65 CHAPTER 65 - PERSONAS

66. Chapter 66 CHAPTER 66 - THE MASK

67. Chapter 67 CHAPTER 67 - LIES TO PROTECT

68. Chapter 68 CHAPTER 68 - HEAVY WEAPONS

69. Chapter 69 CHAPTER 69 - MIDNIGHT THOUGHTS

70. Chapter 70 CHAPTER 70 - LIKE HIM

71. Chapter 71 CHAPTER 71 - MORE PROTECTION

72. Chapter 72 CHAPTER 72 - STRESS RELIEF

73. Chapter 73 CHAPTER 73 - STOP

74. Chapter 74 CHAPTER 74 - MY IDENTITY

75. Chapter 75 CHAPTER 75 - THE TEST

76. Chapter 76 CHAPTER 76 - POWER SHIFT

77. Chapter 77 CHAPTER 77 - DAD

78. Chapter 78 CHAPTER 78 - NARRATIVES

79. Chapter 79 CHAPTER 79 - PROMISES

80. Chapter 80 CHAPTER 80 - THE NOTEBOOK

81. Chapter 81 CHAPTER 81 - THE LONG GAME

82. Chapter 82 CHAPTER 82 - SCRIMMAGE

83. Chapter 83 CHAPTER 83 - BRUISES

84. Chapter 84 CHAPTER 84 - PURPOSEFUL CONSISTENCY

85. Chapter 85 CHAPTER 85 - BREAKING DOWN

86. Chapter 86 CHAPTER 86 - INSTINCT

87. Chapter 87 CHAPTER 87 - IN THE HALLWAY

88. Chapter 88 CHAPTER 88 - LEARNING

89. Chapter 89 CHAPTER 89 - A LETTER

90. Chapter 90 CHAPTER 90 - ELENA'S EFFECT

91. Chapter 91 CHAPTER 91 - SURVIVAL

92. Chapter 92 CHAPTER 92 - AMMO

93. Chapter 93 CHAPTER 93 - THE ESSAY

94. Chapter 94 CHAPTER 94 - THE GAP

95. Chapter 95 CHAPTER 95 - CONTROL

96. Chapter 96 CHAPTER 96 - THE FIRST ROUND

97. Chapter 97 CHAPTER 97 - THE FLOOR

98. Chapter 98 CHAPTER 98 - AN ORDINARY LIFE

99. Chapter 99 CHAPTER 99 - SUSPICION

100. Chapter 100 CHAPTER 100 - FALSE PEACE

101. Chapter 101 CHAPTER 101 - WRONG ANGLES

102. Chapter 102 CHAPTER 102 - THE BUZZ

103. Chapter 103 CHAPTER 103 - WRONG

104. Chapter 104 CHAPTER 104 - ELENA

105. Chapter 105 CHAPTER 105 - FROZEN IN TIME

106. Chapter 106 CHAPTER 106 - THE BLOG

107. Chapter 107 CHAPTER 107 - SINCE THE BAR

108. Chapter 108 CHAPTER 108 - WRITE EVERYTHING

109. Chapter 109 CHAPTER 109 - SEMI FINALS

110. Chapter 110 CHAPTER 110 - REMEMBERING

111. Chapter 111 CHAPTER 111 - THE SAME ZIP CODE

112. Chapter 112 CHAPTER 112 - GAME DAY

113. Chapter 113 ANNOUNCEMENT <3

114. Chapter 114 CHAPTER 114 - THE SABOTAGE

115. Chapter 115 CHAPTER 114 - QUESTIONS

116. Chapter 116 CHAPTER 115 - THE LOOKOUT

117. Chapter 117 CHAPTER 116 - NUCLEAR

118. Chapter 118 CHAPTER 117 - NO SLEEP

119. Chapter 119 CHAPTER 118 - NOT FOR LONG

120. Chapter 120 CHAPTER 119 - PURE RAGE

121. Chapter 121 CHAPTER 12O - EXHAUSTION

122. Chapter 122 CHAPTER 121 - INNOCENT

123. Chapter 123 CHAPTER 122 - NO AGENDA

124. Chapter 124 CHAPTER 123 - FIVE SECONDS

125. Chapter 125 CHAPTER 124 - NOT JUST PHOTOS

126. Chapter 126 CHAPTER 125 - COLLATERAL DAMAGE

127. Chapter 127 CHAPTER 126 - GRAVITY

128. Chapter 128 CHAPTER 127 - THE THREE-SECOND RULE

129. Chapter 129 CHAPTER 128 - SECRETS

130. Chapter 130 CHAPTER 129 - FREEFALL

131. Chapter 131 CHAPTER 130 - ALL CRASHING DOWN

132. Chapter 132 CHAPTER 131 - EMERGENCY

133. Chapter 133 CHAPTER 132 - TIMING

134. Chapter 134 CHAPTER 133 - THE CONFESSION

135. Chapter 135 CHAPTER 134 - THE SAME STORY

136. Chapter 136 CHAPTER 135 - HEALING

137. Chapter 137 CHAPTER 136 - THE LETTERS

138. Chapter 138 CHAPTER 137 - PERMISSION

139. Chapter 139 CHAPTER 138 - THE LOOK

140. Chapter 140 CHAPTER 139 - REAL

141. Chapter 141 CHAPTER 140 - ORDINARY TUESDAYS

142. Chapter 142 CHAPTER 141 - STEPDAD'S SON

143. Chapter 143 CHAPTER 142 - VOWS

144. Chapter 144 CHAPTER 143 - NORMAL

145. Chapter 145 CHAPTER 144 - OUR SPOT

146. Chapter 146 CHAPTER 145 - THE SHOWER

147. Chapter 147 CHAPTER 146 - OUR KITCHEN

148. Chapter 148 CHAPTER 147 - NOT HIDING

149. Chapter 149 CHAPTER 148 - THERAPY

150. Chapter 150 CHAPTER 149 - PORTLAND

151. Chapter 151 CHAPTER 150 - NOT GOODBYE

152. Chapter 152 CHAPTER 151 - THE COUNTDOWN

153. Chapter 153 CHAPTER 152 - COME BACK

154. Chapter 154 CHAPTER 153 - GO BE GREAT

155. Chapter 155 CHAPTER 154 - THINNING

156. Chapter 156 CHAPTER 155 - NOT A BRIDGE

157. Chapter 157 CHAPTER 156 - ACCEPTED

158. Chapter 158 CHAPTER 157 - HOME

159. Chapter 159 CHAPTER 158 - PORTLAND

160. Chapter 160 CHAPTER 159 - PUBLISHABLE

161. Chapter 161 CHAPTER 160 - UNDER THE SAME SKY

162. Chapter 162 CHAPTER 161 - FROM DAYS TO MONTHS

163. Chapter 163 CHAPTER 162 - THE WAY WE ARE

164. Chapter 164 CHAPTER 163 - A GOOD ONE

165. Chapter 165 CHAPTER 164 - THE READING

166. Chapter 166 CHAPTER 165 - YES

167. Chapter 167 CHAPTER 166 - FOR THE DRINK

168. Chapter 168 CHAPTER 167 - ON THE HOUSE

169. Chapter 169 CHAPTER 168 - SOMETHING OURS

170. Chapter 170 EPILOGUE <3

171. Chapter 171 ONE – THE BILLBOARD

172. Chapter 172 TWO - CONVERSATIONS

173. Chapter 173 THREE - THE INTERVIEW

174. Chapter 174 FOUR - NOTHING

175. Chapter 175 FIVE - THE DEAL

176. Chapter 176 SIX - HIS WIFE

177. Chapter 177 SEVEN - SASHA

178. Chapter 178 EIGHT - SHADOWS

179. Chapter 179 NINE - WIVES

180. Chapter 180 TEN - NOT ENOUGH

181. Chapter 181 ELEVEN - WHERE I AM

182. Chapter 182 TWELVE - TIME

183. Chapter 183 THIRTEEN - ALONE

184. Chapter 184 FOURTEEN - MY NAME

185. Chapter 185 FIFTEEN - THERAPY

186. Chapter 186 SIXTEEN - SPLITTING

187. Chapter 187 SEVENTEEN - PROTECTION

188. Chapter 188 EIGHTEEN - FAKE BLOG

189. Chapter 189 NINETEEN - NOT A LIABILITY

190. Chapter 190 TWENTY - HERS

191. Chapter 191 TWENTY-ONE - HOW IT FELT LIKE

192. Chapter 192 TWENTY-TWO - FAMILY

193. Chapter 193 TWENTY-THREE - FREEDOM

194. Chapter 194 TWENTY-FOUR - MELTED

195. Chapter 195 TWENTY-FIVE - MULTITASK

196. Chapter 196 TWENTY-SIX - OPPOSITE

197. Chapter 197 TWENTY-SEVEN - OLD WOUNDS

198. Chapter 198 TWENTY-EIGHT - SICK

199. Chapter 199 TWENTY-NINE - SURVIVE

200. Chapter 200 THIRTY - MOVE IT

201. Chapter 201 THIRTY-ONE - WET SURFACES

202. Chapter 202 THIRTY-TWO - THE TERMINAL

203. Chapter 203 THIRTY-THREE -QUIET APARTMENT

204. Chapter 204 THIRTY-FOUR - HIGH PRICE

205. Chapter 205 THIRTY-FIVE - THE CONDITION

206. Chapter 206 THIRTY-SIX - TOO QUIET

207. Chapter 207 THIRTY-SEVEN - TIME ZONES

208. Chapter 208 THIRTY-EIGHT - SHOCKWAVE

209. Chapter 209 THIRTY-NINE - THE ONLY REASON

210. Chapter 210 FORTY - HORROR

211. Chapter 211 FORTY-ONE - FOR STAYING

212. Chapter 212 FORTY-TWO - TRYING

213. Chapter 213 FORTY-THREE - THE PACIFIC

214. Chapter 214 FORTY-FOUR - ZERO FINGERPRINTS

215. Chapter 215 FORTY-FIVE - MY HOME

216. Chapter 216 FORTY-SIX - WATCHING

217. Chapter 217 FORTY-SEVEN - STUPID DECISIONS

218. Chapter 218 FORTY-EIGHT - WHY?

219. Chapter 219 FORTY-NINE - MY FAULT

220. Chapter 220 FIFTY - IF

221. Chapter 221 FIFTY-ONE-WHATEVER COMES AFTER

222. Chapter 222 FIFTY-TWO – SIGN IT

223. Chapter 223 FIFTY-THREE – THE DISHES

224. Chapter 224 FIFTY-FOUR – RESEARCH

225. Chapter 225 FIFTY-FIVE – THAT’S YOU

226. Chapter 226 FIFTY-SIX – SETTLED

227. Chapter 227 EPILOGUE

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