Chapter 219 FORTY-NINE - MY FAULT

My voice breaks on the last word.

“It was my fault. Every day after I realised this was on me fully.” I wipe my face with both hands. The wiping doesn’t help. “I can dress it up in trauma responses and my father’s death, but the underneath is that I was scared you’d leave and I was scared Mom would ...

Chapters

1. Chapter 1 CHAPTER 1 - REJECTED BY MY BEST FRIEND

2. Chapter 2 CHAPTER 2 - ONE NIGHT STAND WITH A HOT STRANGER

3. Chapter 3 CHAPTER 3 - NEW BOY, OLD FLING

4. Chapter 4 CHAPTER 4 - STUCK BETWEEN TWO BOYS

5. Chapter 5 CHAPTER 5 - THE HICKEY FROM MY LOVING STRANGER

6. Chapter 6 CHAPTER 6 - DINNER WITH MY NEW ST3PBROTHER

7. Chapter 7 CHAPTER 7 - TO KISS OR TO KILL

8. Chapter 8 CHAPTER 8 - THE FAKE DATING DEAL

9. Chapter 9 CHAPTER 9 - CAMPUS' NEW GOSSIP

10. Chapter 10 CHAPTER 10 - SLEEPING WITH MY STEPBROTHER

11. Chapter 11 CHAPTER 11 - AVOIDING THE TRUTH

12. Chapter 12 CHAPTER 12 - MY NEW NORMAL

13. Chapter 13 CHAPTER 13 - LIBRARY AFFECTION

14. Chapter 14 CHAPTER 14 - MY NEW STALKER

15. Chapter 15 CHAPTER 15 - OUR FIRST CRACK

16. Chapter 16 CHAPTER 16 - MEMORIZING IN PIECES

17. Chapter 17 CHAPTER 17 - TOO LATE FOR TAKEBACKS

18. Chapter 18 CHAPTER 18 - BUILDING WALLS

19. Chapter 19 CHAPTER 19 - WEARING HIS NAME

20. Chapter 20 CHAPTER 20 - THIS ISN'T OVER

21. Chapter 21 CHAPTER 21 - WHAT ARE WE?

22. Chapter 22 CHAPTER 22 - HOLDING ON

23. Chapter 23 CHAPTER 23 - NOT A COINCIDENCE

24. Chapter 24 CHAPTER 24 - HIS NEW PLACEHOLDER

25. Chapter 25 CHAPTER 25 - OUR FAVORITE LANGUAGE

26. Chapter 26 CHAPTER 26 - KEEPING HER CLOSE

27. Chapter 27 CHAPTER 27 - HIS SURRENDER

28. Chapter 28 CHAPTER 28 - I'M STAYING

29. Chapter 29 CHAPTER 29 - THE MAJOR SCARE

30. Chapter 30 CHAPTER 30 - DEAL OR NO DEAL

31. Chapter 31 CHAPTER 31 - HOW WE WORK

32. Chapter 32 CHAPTER 32 - PAYING ATTENTION

33. Chapter 33 CHAPTER 33 - NOT WORTH IT

34. Chapter 34 CHAPTER 34 - NO WORDS

35. Chapter 35 CHAPTER 35 - SOMETHING WORTH PROTECTING

36. Chapter 36 CHAPTER 36 - A PERFORMANCE

37. Chapter 37 CHAPTER 37 - NO MORE WALLS

38. Chapter 38 CHAPTER 38 - EXPOSED

39. Chapter 39 CHAPTER 39 - SLOWLY CHANGING

40. Chapter 40 CHAPTER 40 - THE TALK

41. Chapter 41 CHAPTER 41 - FAMILY MATTERS

42. Chapter 42 CHAPTER 42 - HALF THE STORY

43. Chapter 43 CHAPTER 43 - WHAT IT COSTS

44. Chapter 44 CHAPTER 44 - THE TIGHTENING LEASH

45. Chapter 45 CHAPTER 45 - ANIMAL

46. Chapter 46 CHAPTER 46 - DON'T LEAVE

47. Chapter 47 CHAPTER 47 - RUMORS

48. Chapter 48 CHAPTER 48 - NOTICING THE PATTERNS

49. Chapter 49 CHAPTER 49 - TWO WEEKS

50. Chapter 50 CHAPTER 50 - THE CALLS

51. Chapter 51 CHAPTER 51 - TWICE A DAY

52. Chapter 52 CHAPTER 52 - 2AM

53. Chapter 53 CHAPTER 53 - MOM

54. Chapter 54 CHAPTER 54 - I CAME BACK

55. Chapter 55 CHAPTER 55 - FAMILY DINNER

56. Chapter 56 CHAPTER 56 - MILES

57. Chapter 57 CHAPTER 57 - I MISSED YOU

58. Chapter 58 CHAPTER 58 - THE FEATURE

59. Chapter 59 CHAPTER 59 - SILENCE

60. Chapter 60 CHAPTER 60 - THE CALM

61. Chapter 61 CHAPTER 61 - EGGSHELLS

62. Chapter 62 CHAPTER 62 - NOMES

63. Chapter 63 CHAPTER 63 - MINE

64. Chapter 64 CHAPTER 64 - CALEB OR CALEB?

65. Chapter 65 CHAPTER 65 - PERSONAS

66. Chapter 66 CHAPTER 66 - THE MASK

67. Chapter 67 CHAPTER 67 - LIES TO PROTECT

68. Chapter 68 CHAPTER 68 - HEAVY WEAPONS

69. Chapter 69 CHAPTER 69 - MIDNIGHT THOUGHTS

70. Chapter 70 CHAPTER 70 - LIKE HIM

71. Chapter 71 CHAPTER 71 - MORE PROTECTION

72. Chapter 72 CHAPTER 72 - STRESS RELIEF

73. Chapter 73 CHAPTER 73 - STOP

74. Chapter 74 CHAPTER 74 - MY IDENTITY

75. Chapter 75 CHAPTER 75 - THE TEST

76. Chapter 76 CHAPTER 76 - POWER SHIFT

77. Chapter 77 CHAPTER 77 - DAD

78. Chapter 78 CHAPTER 78 - NARRATIVES

79. Chapter 79 CHAPTER 79 - PROMISES

80. Chapter 80 CHAPTER 80 - THE NOTEBOOK

81. Chapter 81 CHAPTER 81 - THE LONG GAME

82. Chapter 82 CHAPTER 82 - SCRIMMAGE

83. Chapter 83 CHAPTER 83 - BRUISES

84. Chapter 84 CHAPTER 84 - PURPOSEFUL CONSISTENCY

85. Chapter 85 CHAPTER 85 - BREAKING DOWN

86. Chapter 86 CHAPTER 86 - INSTINCT

87. Chapter 87 CHAPTER 87 - IN THE HALLWAY

88. Chapter 88 CHAPTER 88 - LEARNING

89. Chapter 89 CHAPTER 89 - A LETTER

90. Chapter 90 CHAPTER 90 - ELENA'S EFFECT

91. Chapter 91 CHAPTER 91 - SURVIVAL

92. Chapter 92 CHAPTER 92 - AMMO

93. Chapter 93 CHAPTER 93 - THE ESSAY

94. Chapter 94 CHAPTER 94 - THE GAP

95. Chapter 95 CHAPTER 95 - CONTROL

96. Chapter 96 CHAPTER 96 - THE FIRST ROUND

97. Chapter 97 CHAPTER 97 - THE FLOOR

98. Chapter 98 CHAPTER 98 - AN ORDINARY LIFE

99. Chapter 99 CHAPTER 99 - SUSPICION

100. Chapter 100 CHAPTER 100 - FALSE PEACE

101. Chapter 101 CHAPTER 101 - WRONG ANGLES

102. Chapter 102 CHAPTER 102 - THE BUZZ

103. Chapter 103 CHAPTER 103 - WRONG

104. Chapter 104 CHAPTER 104 - ELENA

105. Chapter 105 CHAPTER 105 - FROZEN IN TIME

106. Chapter 106 CHAPTER 106 - THE BLOG

107. Chapter 107 CHAPTER 107 - SINCE THE BAR

108. Chapter 108 CHAPTER 108 - WRITE EVERYTHING

109. Chapter 109 CHAPTER 109 - SEMI FINALS

110. Chapter 110 CHAPTER 110 - REMEMBERING

111. Chapter 111 CHAPTER 111 - THE SAME ZIP CODE

112. Chapter 112 CHAPTER 112 - GAME DAY

113. Chapter 113 ANNOUNCEMENT <3

114. Chapter 114 CHAPTER 114 - THE SABOTAGE

115. Chapter 115 CHAPTER 114 - QUESTIONS

116. Chapter 116 CHAPTER 115 - THE LOOKOUT

117. Chapter 117 CHAPTER 116 - NUCLEAR

118. Chapter 118 CHAPTER 117 - NO SLEEP

119. Chapter 119 CHAPTER 118 - NOT FOR LONG

120. Chapter 120 CHAPTER 119 - PURE RAGE

121. Chapter 121 CHAPTER 12O - EXHAUSTION

122. Chapter 122 CHAPTER 121 - INNOCENT

123. Chapter 123 CHAPTER 122 - NO AGENDA

124. Chapter 124 CHAPTER 123 - FIVE SECONDS

125. Chapter 125 CHAPTER 124 - NOT JUST PHOTOS

126. Chapter 126 CHAPTER 125 - COLLATERAL DAMAGE

127. Chapter 127 CHAPTER 126 - GRAVITY

128. Chapter 128 CHAPTER 127 - THE THREE-SECOND RULE

129. Chapter 129 CHAPTER 128 - SECRETS

130. Chapter 130 CHAPTER 129 - FREEFALL

131. Chapter 131 CHAPTER 130 - ALL CRASHING DOWN

132. Chapter 132 CHAPTER 131 - EMERGENCY

133. Chapter 133 CHAPTER 132 - TIMING

134. Chapter 134 CHAPTER 133 - THE CONFESSION

135. Chapter 135 CHAPTER 134 - THE SAME STORY

136. Chapter 136 CHAPTER 135 - HEALING

137. Chapter 137 CHAPTER 136 - THE LETTERS

138. Chapter 138 CHAPTER 137 - PERMISSION

139. Chapter 139 CHAPTER 138 - THE LOOK

140. Chapter 140 CHAPTER 139 - REAL

141. Chapter 141 CHAPTER 140 - ORDINARY TUESDAYS

142. Chapter 142 CHAPTER 141 - STEPDAD'S SON

143. Chapter 143 CHAPTER 142 - VOWS

144. Chapter 144 CHAPTER 143 - NORMAL

145. Chapter 145 CHAPTER 144 - OUR SPOT

146. Chapter 146 CHAPTER 145 - THE SHOWER

147. Chapter 147 CHAPTER 146 - OUR KITCHEN

148. Chapter 148 CHAPTER 147 - NOT HIDING

149. Chapter 149 CHAPTER 148 - THERAPY

150. Chapter 150 CHAPTER 149 - PORTLAND

151. Chapter 151 CHAPTER 150 - NOT GOODBYE

152. Chapter 152 CHAPTER 151 - THE COUNTDOWN

153. Chapter 153 CHAPTER 152 - COME BACK

154. Chapter 154 CHAPTER 153 - GO BE GREAT

155. Chapter 155 CHAPTER 154 - THINNING

156. Chapter 156 CHAPTER 155 - NOT A BRIDGE

157. Chapter 157 CHAPTER 156 - ACCEPTED

158. Chapter 158 CHAPTER 157 - HOME

159. Chapter 159 CHAPTER 158 - PORTLAND

160. Chapter 160 CHAPTER 159 - PUBLISHABLE

161. Chapter 161 CHAPTER 160 - UNDER THE SAME SKY

162. Chapter 162 CHAPTER 161 - FROM DAYS TO MONTHS

163. Chapter 163 CHAPTER 162 - THE WAY WE ARE

164. Chapter 164 CHAPTER 163 - A GOOD ONE

165. Chapter 165 CHAPTER 164 - THE READING

166. Chapter 166 CHAPTER 165 - YES

167. Chapter 167 CHAPTER 166 - FOR THE DRINK

168. Chapter 168 CHAPTER 167 - ON THE HOUSE

169. Chapter 169 CHAPTER 168 - SOMETHING OURS

170. Chapter 170 EPILOGUE <3

171. Chapter 171 ONE – THE BILLBOARD

172. Chapter 172 TWO - CONVERSATIONS

173. Chapter 173 THREE - THE INTERVIEW

174. Chapter 174 FOUR - NOTHING

175. Chapter 175 FIVE - THE DEAL

176. Chapter 176 SIX - HIS WIFE

177. Chapter 177 SEVEN - SASHA

178. Chapter 178 EIGHT - SHADOWS

179. Chapter 179 NINE - WIVES

180. Chapter 180 TEN - NOT ENOUGH

181. Chapter 181 ELEVEN - WHERE I AM

182. Chapter 182 TWELVE - TIME

183. Chapter 183 THIRTEEN - ALONE

184. Chapter 184 FOURTEEN - MY NAME

185. Chapter 185 FIFTEEN - THERAPY

186. Chapter 186 SIXTEEN - SPLITTING

187. Chapter 187 SEVENTEEN - PROTECTION

188. Chapter 188 EIGHTEEN - FAKE BLOG

189. Chapter 189 NINETEEN - NOT A LIABILITY

190. Chapter 190 TWENTY - HERS

191. Chapter 191 TWENTY-ONE - HOW IT FELT LIKE

192. Chapter 192 TWENTY-TWO - FAMILY

193. Chapter 193 TWENTY-THREE - FREEDOM

194. Chapter 194 TWENTY-FOUR - MELTED

195. Chapter 195 TWENTY-FIVE - MULTITASK

196. Chapter 196 TWENTY-SIX - OPPOSITE

197. Chapter 197 TWENTY-SEVEN - OLD WOUNDS

198. Chapter 198 TWENTY-EIGHT - SICK

199. Chapter 199 TWENTY-NINE - SURVIVE

200. Chapter 200 THIRTY - MOVE IT

201. Chapter 201 THIRTY-ONE - WET SURFACES

202. Chapter 202 THIRTY-TWO - THE TERMINAL

203. Chapter 203 THIRTY-THREE -QUIET APARTMENT

204. Chapter 204 THIRTY-FOUR - HIGH PRICE

205. Chapter 205 THIRTY-FIVE - THE CONDITION

206. Chapter 206 THIRTY-SIX - TOO QUIET

207. Chapter 207 THIRTY-SEVEN - TIME ZONES

208. Chapter 208 THIRTY-EIGHT - SHOCKWAVE

209. Chapter 209 THIRTY-NINE - THE ONLY REASON

210. Chapter 210 FORTY - HORROR

211. Chapter 211 FORTY-ONE - FOR STAYING

212. Chapter 212 FORTY-TWO - TRYING

213. Chapter 213 FORTY-THREE - THE PACIFIC

214. Chapter 214 FORTY-FOUR - ZERO FINGERPRINTS

215. Chapter 215 FORTY-FIVE - MY HOME

216. Chapter 216 FORTY-SIX - WATCHING

217. Chapter 217 FORTY-SEVEN - STUPID DECISIONS

218. Chapter 218 FORTY-EIGHT - WHY?

219. Chapter 219 FORTY-NINE - MY FAULT

220. Chapter 220 FIFTY - IF

221. Chapter 221 FIFTY-ONE-WHATEVER COMES AFTER

222. Chapter 222 FIFTY-TWO – SIGN IT

223. Chapter 223 FIFTY-THREE – THE DISHES

224. Chapter 224 FIFTY-FOUR – RESEARCH

225. Chapter 225 FIFTY-FIVE – THAT’S YOU

226. Chapter 226 FIFTY-SIX – SETTLED

227. Chapter 227 EPILOGUE

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