Chapter 6 TENSION

VAN'S POV - Dawn.

I haven't slept.

Can't sleep.

Every time I close my eyes, I see that archway—the Proving entrance with its sick green glow—and Zephyra walking through it. Disappearing. Gone.

Just like sixteen years ago.

Stop, my wolf snarls. She's still here. We have four days.

Four days. Ninety-six hours. Five thousand seven hundred and sixty minutes.

Not enough. Never enough.

I roll over in bed and watch her sleep. She's curled on her side, one hand tucked under her cheek, hair spilling across the pillow like oil splattered on the floor.

She looks peaceful. Young. Untouched by the horrors she's lived through.

I lied. Even though I tried getting professionals to erase them when I took her from Astrid household, the scars on her wrists and marks on her neck, though faded shows proof of the pains she went through

But right now, in this moment, she's safe. Warm. Mine.

My wolf craves for more of her. More of her soft skin against me, more of her scent but I resist. She needs proper rest for the days ahead.

Unable to stop the fact she'll be entering war zone soon, I quietly step out of bed to prepare what she'll need.

I put on my clothes and catch my reflection in the mirror.

I look like hell. Dark circles under my eyes. Hair standing in every direction. Jaw tight with tension I can't release.

*You look like a man about to lose everything, my wolf remarks grimly.

"Helpful,"

A soft sound from the bedroom makes me freeze. Zephyra, shifting in her sleep. I hold my breath, waiting to see if she'll wake.

I hope she doesn't. It's four a.m and need all the rest.

She doesn't. Just curls tighter, her lips moving silently around words I can't hear.

I head out to prepare the yard. It's past six a.m when I return back to my sleeping wife.

I should let her sleep. Should give her every moment of rest possible before we start today's training.

But I can't leave her. Can't stand to be in a different room when every second counts.

So I sit in the chair by the window and watch the sun rise over the estate, painting everything gold and pink and beautiful.

Four days until I lose her.

Unless she survives.

She will, my wolf insists.

She might not.

She will because she has to. Because we can't survive losing her again.

Morning breaks through softly,the room cold while Zephyra's wolf calms for her to wake.

Cat has been restless as well. I felt her movement all through the night.

I’ve been watching Zephyra for hours.

My hand trembles against the armrest. I grip it harder, trying to stop the shaking. It doesn’t work.

Every breath she takes, I count. Every flutter of her eyelashes, I memorize. The way her hair falls across the pillow. The curve of her shoulder beneath the blanket. The small scar on her neck that makes my chest burn with rage and guilt.

I’m storing it all away. Against some future I can’t bear to think about.

"Where's the courage from last night?"

My wolf questions & all I can respond with is... I ran out of it. The proving kills and I'm stupid for allowing her & my father agree to this.

*"Maybe we attack the council, threaten him and Zade then have this canceled "

I brighten up at my wolf's idea

That's the best idea you have ever given me pal.

You can't be stupid enough to believe me? SHE WANTS THIS

Zephyra's body comes awake before I could respond to my wolf. I feel bitter all over again

"She'll be fine!"

"She has never held a knife. She has been submissive all her life. Her first instinct is probably to shrink not bite!" My heart races as I holler back at my wolf.

I'm suddenly aware of how murderous this is for Zephyra. Fuck!

Her eyes flutter open and she catches me staring.

“Good morning,” Her voice still heavy with sleep.

“How long have you been watching?”

“Not long.” The lie scrapes out of my throat, rough from disuse, from the scream I’ve been holding back all night.

Her blanket falls away as she sits up and my breath catches at the tiny dark marks that are proofs of her sufferings.

My fingers dig into my thighs, pain shoots through immediately.

“You didn’t sleep at all, did you?”

“I slept.” Another lie. My jaw clenches so hard my teeth ache. She Hawks

"I can ask Cat" That earns her a smile. Weak but still.

She studies me from the bed, taking in everything I’m trying to hide.

My disheveled hair. My drawn face. The fact that I’m sitting in the chair by the window instead of beside her where I belong.

“Van…”

“We should start early today.” I stand abruptly, my legs nearly giving out.

“Ronah wants to teach you knife work. Naville has chants for connecting with Cat. My father has hypnosis to imitate your biggest fear and—”

My voice cracks on the last word at the feel of her palm on my cheek, warm and alive and here.

"Van...". She walks me backward to the chair

“Look at me.”

The rawness in my chest explodes. My breathing comes too fast, too shallow. I can feel my wolf clawing at my insides

I do. Her brown eye turn slightly dark

“I’m still here.” She moves close, standing between my legs.

They’re shaking. My whole body is shaking now and I can’t stop it.

“I’m right here. Right now. Don’t waste these five days mourning me before I’m even gone.”

"Zephyra" That's all I can say as I bury my face in my palm