Chapter 16

I let out a deep sigh and you could hear the disappointment in my voice. I said “I'm sorry for getting angry with you this morning when I discovered that you were sleeping in Iris's bed. The truth is I just… I didn’t want you to feel confused about anything.” I wanted to make sure she understood that I never intended to hurt her feelings. My actions came from a place of wanting to protect her from any possible confusion or awkwardness that could arise from that situation.

At last, she looked up and met my eyes. There was a slight look of caution in her expression and I could sense that she had a quiet question that was hanging in the air between us unspoken but palpable. “Mmmhmmm,” she replied her voice barely above a whisper. It was even softer than before almost as if she was worried that saying something might break the delicate silence that had wrapped around us like a thin layer of fog.

I moved in a little closer wanting to grab her attention because it seemed like she was really on edge. I made my voice softer taking my time to pick my words very carefully. I wanted to help calm her down since I could see that she was feeling anxious right now. I said to her “I understand that this might feel a bit unusual for you. I don’t want you to get the idea that anyone could ever take your mom's place—”

“She is not my mom,” Dahlia said firmly interrupting the conversation. Her forehead wrinkled in irritation and it was as if she was putting up a little wall to keep her heart safe from any hurt.

“No, she definitely isn't,” I replied swiftly making sure to keep my voice calm and steady. I wanted to make her feel better and reassure her. “But the person I’m talking about is someone who matters a lot to me. It's completely fine to have friends who are special and meaningful in our lives. Just like how Maria is really important to both of us wouldn't you agree?”

Dahlia pressed her lips tightly together showing just how stubborn she was. It was like a little strong fortress that would not let anything change her mind. While she sat there she kept poking at her food and her face showed that she was both determined and unwilling to give in to whatever was happening around her. She made a sound “Mmmhmmm.” as if to say she was not going to respond or back down.

I gently ran my fingers through my hair as I tried my best to keep calm and collected. “Dahlia the most important thing to me is that you are happy. I care about how you feel and I want to do everything I can to see you smile. Could you please share with me what things would make you feel good or bring a smile to your face?”

She placed her fork down gently on the table and it was clear that she was feeling uncertain. “I don't know what to say.” she quietly mumbled as she looked away from me. In that moment I could see a tiny glimpse of her vulnerability breaking through the protective walls she usually put up.

I nodded my head in agreement trying my best to suppress the frown that was almost showing on my face. I then suggested “Here's an idea if you can finish eating all of your breakfast and then tell me a story about the drawings you made I will take you to the park later today. When we get to the park you can show me the butterfly you drew.”

Dahlia looked up with her eyes shining with curiosity and excitement. “Can you promise me?” she asked.

“I promise,” I said to her feeling a sense of relief and happiness as I noticed that she seemed a little bit more relaxed and friendly. “And just to make it even better I will also bring along your favorite snacks that you love to eat.”

After thinking for a little while she took her time and eventually nodded her head slowly. A small smile began to appear on her face pushing away some of the confusion that had been lingering in her expression. “Alright, I can agree to that. But may I ask… who is Iris?”

My heart felt like it stopped for a moment when Dahlia was sweet and innocent as she was asked that surprising question. “Is that why you go into her room and make those strange sounds?”

At that moment I almost dropped my fork because I was so taken aback and my face became so hot it felt like it could compete with the strongest rays of the summer sun. I thought about Iris... I had called her my “friend.” That was what I said in a desperate effort to make things easier and clearer to untangle the complicated situation that Iris and I had found ourselves in. But Dahlia with her sharp childlike eyes could see right through the weak explanation I offered.

My thoughts started racing fast as I tried to find a good answer to the question. I needed to think of a way to explain all the complicated things happening in my life to a little five-year-old. What on earth was I supposed to say to a child? Maybe something like “Oh sweetheart those strange noises you hear are just part of the very close friendship I have with your mother's best friend?” It just seemed so ridiculous.

Just when I was about to start giving a complicated and hopefully convincing explanation for what was happening my phone suddenly started vibrating hard on the table. This loud and sudden noise was a sharp contrast to the gentle and delicate conversation I was attempting to manage. I looked down and saw that it was one of Don Campani's men trying to reach me. Immediately I felt my stomach tighten with worry. I knew that this was not a good sign at all.

“I need to answer this call,” I said in a hurry. I quickly pushed my chair away from the table and stood up. I heard Dahlia’s small voice which sounded a bit sad saying “Do you have to leave again?”

My heart felt a little sad. I said “Yes sweetie.” and made my voice sound gentle so I could help her feel better about her disappointment. I added “But I promise I will be back later this evening. In the meantime, you can have fun and play with Maria until I return.”

I tried to give her a smile that looked reassuring even though I felt a tight knot in my chest at the idea of leaving her behind. I reminded her “Remember we’re going to the park after breakfast. Just make sure to finish your food first alright?”

“Alright,” she said softly her earlier excitement starting to slip away once more. I could tell that she was missing her mother Iris. I understood that while she was grateful for my company I could never really fill the special role that her mother played in her life. It became apparent to me that this was a reminder of how delicate the situation was and I was trying my best to make everything feel okay.