Chapter 37

“I wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude to you,” I said. “I want to thank you for everything you did this evening… especially during the dinner.”

His eyebrows wrinkled together in a thoughtful expression as he raised his glass to his lips and took a slow deliberate sip. After putting the glass down he looked up with a questioning gaze and asked “Can you please tell me exactly what it is that I did?” There was a slight hint of sarcasm in the way he spoke making it clear that he was not entirely serious.

“You stood up to Don Campani,” I said feeling the memory come back to me very clearly. “You had the chance to just hand me over to him. But you chose not to do that. I have to say that took a lot of courage.”

Raf shrugged his shoulders and it seemed like his casual attitude was creating a kind of invisible wall between us. He said “At that moment I didn’t understand why I acted the way I did. The only thing that was clear to me was that I didn’t want to say goodbye to you.”

The words he spoke lingered around us feeling both weighty and delicate at the same time. My heart beat hard in my chest feeling a blend of confusion and a little bit of relief. I couldn’t help but ask “But why are you saying that? You hardly know anything about me.”

“And why on earth should that even be important?” he said in a strong tone looking directly into my eyes as if trying to look right through me. He placed the wine glass on the table gently and leaned a little closer. “I've witnessed the terrible things that occur to those who end up in Campani's control. Do you think I would ever allow that to happen to you?”

My breathing started to get faster. “You’re not a bad person Raf. I can see that you have a good side—hidden beneath all of this...” I thought hard to find the best word to describe it but couldn’t think of one right away. “You know all this... toughness.”

“I'm not a perfect person Iris,” he replied with a smile that looked playful but didn't show any real happiness in his eyes. “I've done some things in my life. Some of those things were not good.”

“I understand what you're saying. However, I want to point out that you did something really important for me tonight. You protected me and that means a lot to me.” I insisted trying to figure out the confusing nature of Rafaelle Tommaso. He was a criminal someone who did bad things but there were moments when he showed an honorable side that revealed a deeper more humane part of him.

He paused for a moment and spoke carefully choosing his words with great thoughtfulness. “Perhaps.” he said “I didn’t want to witness you becoming just a small part or a mere tool in a risky situation that could harm you. After all, we are all more than just the situations we find ourselves in aren’t we?”

“I don’t know!” I shouted feeling overwhelmed with frustration. “I just feel… completely lost right now. I never even got to choose this life for myself—I was forced into it. It wasn’t my decision at all.”

I took a moment to gather my thoughts as the memories of my ex-boyfriend’s debts came flooding back and weighed heavily on my mind. “All I’m trying to do is survive and get by in this situation.”

“You’re not by yourself,” Raf said his tone becoming a little gentler. “I am here for you whether you want me to be or not.” A very slight smile appeared on his lips and in that moment I felt a surprising warmth grow in my chest. It was a feeling I hadn't anticipated and it brought a gentle comfort to my heart.

“Why are you so concerned about me?” I asked trying to hide the shaking in my voice. “You could have just walked away and left me to take care of myself without any help.”

His eyes grew serious showing a deeper intensity as he leaned back in his chair his fingers coming together and resting in a way that indicated he was deep in thought. “I understand what it feels like to always be on the run Iris. When you live in a world like this each day feels like a risk a chance that could go either way.”

I listened carefully to what he said letting his words sink in and make me think. After a moment of reflection, I asked him “So what do you want me to do about this situation? Are you saying that you think I should just accept the way things are right now? You know with all the crime happening around us and the darkness that seems to be everywhere?”

“Life is not just a neat and perfect little box Iris. It can be chaotic and unfair sometimes. However, I refuse to sit back and allow you to give in to all the difficult times and challenges that it brings.”

I felt a strong feeling deep inside me a kind of mix of fear and a bit of hope at the same time. I asked, “Have you ever considered the idea that there might be a way to escape from all this darkness and sadness?”

He looked deeply into my eyes for what felt like a long time. Then he asked “So what do you suggest we do? Do you think we can come up with a simple plan to get away from all of this? Unfortunately, my life doesn’t operate like that.”

I felt a lump in my throat as I realized that he was putting up a barrier between us once more. “But it really could work out don't you think? If we just—”

“Hold on a moment,” he said cutting her off. His voice was very serious and firm. “You don’t know what it’s like to be in my shoes. To have to make decisions that carry such heavy consequences decisions that leave a mark on your conscience like blood on your hands. I fear that I may have waited too long to change things for myself.”