Chapter 46

As I sat quietly, lost in my thoughts, a gentle chuckle suddenly interrupted my peaceful moment. It turned out to be Maria, the elderly maid, who had come into the living room. I looked up and met her warm and understanding gaze, which seemed to convey a sense of familiarity and kindness.

“She seems to be the favorite of the teacher, doesn’t she?” Maria said, sounding a little bit amused as she spoke.

I shrugged my shoulders, trying to ignore the growing feelings inside me. “I'm just trying to help out for as long as I can. Honestly, I'm not anything remarkable or special.”

Maria folded her arms across her chest, and a playful sparkle appeared in her eyes. “Oh my, you might believe that you are trapped and stuck in this house, but in Dahlia’s perspective, you are much more than just a prisoner. She has a lot of affection for you, you know. In her eyes, she sees you as someone like a mother.”

Her words were like a tiny seed that was carefully planted deep inside me, a seed of hope that made me think that maybe, just maybe, I could discover a place where I truly belonged and find a meaningful purpose right here within these walls. It also made me wonder if I might deserve to experience this warmth and feel a real connection with others.

I could feel the color leave my face, making me look pale and a bit unsteady as I struggled to organize my thoughts. “That’s… that’s not true,” I finally got out, the words spilling out of my mouth in a hurried and panicked way.

“I’m just keeping her company. Just until I—well, until I can figure things out.” My heart was beating fast as I spoke, and I wished desperately that I could convince not only Maria but also myself that what I was saying was true about my situation.

“She’s a bright girl. She understands what love feels like.” Maria said softly, her voice calm but with a strength that made me uneasy. I couldn’t help but think she might be right, that having Mia around was more than just being friends. “And about Raf, he cares about you too. He just won't admit it.”

When I heard that statement, it made my chest feel heavy. It was like a weight pressing down on me, filled with anxiety and something even deeper that I was scared to think about. I looked at Maria and began to say, “Maria, I can’t—” but then my words got stuck in my throat. It was as if they were being choked by the realization that I might be trying to deny something important inside of me.

“Don’t think about things so negatively,” Maria said, interrupting the cloudy thoughts swirling around in my mind.

“You have the freedom to do what you want here. Nobody is preventing you from meeting new people or figuring out who you are, Iris. Life is not just about feeling trapped like a hostage.”

Her words hit me hard, like a loud clap of thunder, ringing in my ears with a powerful truth that felt both freeing and frightening at the same time.

I reclined in my seat, allowing myself to relax as I looked up at the beautifully designed patterns on the ceiling above me. I was trying hard to understand what Maria had said and how she saw things. Inside, I felt like I was in a struggle like there was a fight going on between what my heart wanted and what my mind was telling me.

“It’s not as easy as it seems,” I said firmly, even though I realized deep down inside that I was just trying to find something to hold onto, and that my argument wasn't very strong.

“Life is not often like that,” Maria said, playfully winking at him. There was a hint of support in her teasing comment, encouraging him to see things from a different perspective.

Time passed slowly and quietly around me. As I nodded off, my mind was filled with countless thoughts, each racing faster than the one before it. I could hear the unsettling sounds of my self-doubt rumbling inside me, pushing me to do something about it.

Feeling overwhelmed, I decided to go back to my room. It was as if I was surrounded by a chaotic storm of confusion, mixed with the warnings and advice that Maria had given me.

And with that overwhelming feeling came a big question that kept growing in my mind Could I allow myself to feel more deeply? Could I truly give myself the chance to experience a little bit of freedom?

With my hands shaking slightly, I quickly grabbed my phone from the table and looked at the bright screen, feeling my heart beat fast as a sense of uncertainty held onto me tightly.

I began to scroll through the list of names in my contacts, trying to find Raf’s name. At that moment, it felt strangely like I was doing something very courageous.

“Just... breathe,” I quietly said to myself as a sudden wave of nervousness swept over me, making my stomach feel like a chaotic whirlpool. The feelings of anxiety were almost overwhelming and made it hard to think clearly.

I pressed the call button, and as each ring filled the silence, it echoed in my ears, sounding like a countdown to an unknown and uncertain future.

“Hello, Iris,” said Raf as I heard his voice on the phone. It was deep and smooth, which made me feel calm in a nice way. At the same time, it also gave me an exciting thrill. I felt a warm sensation spreading through me, but I was also a little bit nervous. I took a moment to try to organize my thoughts and respond to him.

“Raf—I mean, hello! It’s me. Um, I was just thinking about something and I was wondering if… maybe…” My voice started to shake a little as I tried to speak, and the words came rushing out all at once. I felt a strange combination of excitement and fear inside me.

He asked, “What are you thinking about?” His voice was calm and steady, but it also had a hint of curiosity. It was almost as if he could feel that I was unsure or hesitant about something.

“I—I would like to go outside this evening. It's just that I want to breathe some fresh air and have some time to think and clear my mind.” I managed to say, feeling nervous and stuttering a little. The words came out so fast, almost as if I was afraid that I might miss the opportunity to express my feelings.

There was a long moment of silence that felt very heavy, almost like a weight that was pressing down on my chest. I nervously bit down on my lip as I started to feel the tight knots of anxiety in my stomach. I couldn't help but think to myself, what would I do if he decided to say no?

“Of course,” he said after a moment, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me, just like how the ocean waves crash onto the beach. His warm and friendly voice helped to erase all the stress I had been feeling. “Just make sure to come back before it gets late, okay? I just want to make sure you’re not walking around outside when it’s dark.”