Chapter 4

　　ROXANNE

　　I studied the small sleeping frame of Ethan, and felt guilty squeeze tighter.

　　His cries of 'mommy' echoing in my head in mental torment.

　　I've been lost in thought since I brought him here. Thankfully, the doctor had said the cut wasn't serious. Just a simple cleaning and stitching, he was done.

　　Then wrapped his head in bandage that would be removed, along with the stitches, in few days.

　　Mom had called me to apologize for her absence, I understood. Patricia wouldn't have let her come.

　　Josh couldn't even be here for his own…

　　Footsteps echoed near. Then he entered.

　　I didn't need to look up to know it was him. I was used to how he walked.

　　A scent filled my nose.

　　She had come with him.

　　"How's he?" Vanessa, acting all concerned and motherly, sat on the bed, caressing Ethan's face.

　　"Fine." I replied stiffly.

　　Josh met my gaze, for a split second, I thought I saw his brown orbs soften with…guilt?

　　It was gone before I could make head of it. Choosing not to dwell on it, I cleared my throat, sitting upright.

　　"I've been thinking," I started, glancing at Vanessa before facing him again, "I'll stay."

　　"You will?" Was that relief I heard in his voice?

　　Even Vanessa cast a slightly furrowed look at him.

　　"Yes, but I have conditions this time. If I will stay, it'll be on my terms," I ensured the seriousness was detected in my tone.

　　"What do you want?" Josh asked, keeping his gaze steady on me.

　　"I'll stay as Ethan's nanny, but I will be paid for it. I will live my life as I want, no longer under you and your mother's conditions. I go and come as I please. Whatever I choose to do doesn't concern anyone, so long as Ethan is healthy and happy." I met his eyes, waiting for his response.

　　"Fine. Agreed." He nodded.

　　"Also," I added, "this arrangement is not for long. Just long enough for Ethan to get comfortable around his mother and my job is done. I'll leave."

　　A smile — almost invisible tugged a corner of his mouth. What was amusing to him?

　　"If that's what you want."

　　I nodded, satisfied. "Good. We'll talk about payment once we're back at the house."

　　"Alright," he stood, "I should go see the doctor and sort the bills." At the doorway, he turned to Vanessa, "will you come with me, babe?"

　　"No, you go ahead, baby. I want to stay with my son."

　　She made emphasis on 'my' which was laughable to me.

　　I looked away, minding my business.

　　What I'd just done wasn't just for Ethan, it was also for myself.

　　I needed the money to start my life over. I tried so hard not to think of the wasted five years.

　　Then it was just the two of us.

　　Silence couldn't be louder.

　　I trained my eyes on Ethan's chest rising and falling peacefully.

　　"So," she exhaled, "I heard you have amnesia."

　　Damn Josh for spilling my life out there to his girlfriend.

　　Still, I nodded. "Yes."

　　"You can't remember a thing from your past?"

　　Her tone drew my eyes away from Ethan to her face. I studied her expression, but got nothing.

　　It wasn't friendly. It wasn't hostile either.

　　Just neutral. Calm. Quietly calculating.

　　"Yes." Another crisp, one-worded response.

　　"Josh told me the doctors say you'll never get your memory back," she pressed on with a degree of curiosity that was suspicious.

　　But I mentally shrugged it off. She was just the type who wanted me to know how good she got it and I was beneath her. I didn't let it bother me.

　　"More or less." My tone shifting to a subtle sharpness.

　　Then she chuckled.

　　I blinked my surprise, watching her perfectly white dentition come in view in a low chortle.

　　"I'm sorry, is something funny?"

　　I was certain I didn't like her now. She wasn't just haughty, but I was seeing Patricia in her.

　　"Nothing," her smile came sharp now, mysterious, "such a crazy world."

　　"Mommy."

　　Ethan's small, weak voice stopped whatever snarky response rolling hotly at the tip of my tongue.

　　I ignored her, and went to him. "Hey, baby. How are you?"

　　"Fine. Mommy, are you still leaving?"

　　I touched his face tenderly, "no, baby. I'm staying with you."

　　His grin came wide and excited, "good."

　　"Are you awake, baby? Come to mommy," Vanessa attempted to touch him.

　　He coiled away, "leave me alone. I don't like you."

　　He said with the seriousness only a child could muster.

　　Silence ensued. She briefly cast me a look as if it was my fault. Her blue eyes darkening just a bit.

　　Josh came in then, he was with the doctor.

　　He did his routine check up and declared that Ethan was free to go.

　　He prescribed drugs and since I was carrying Ethan, Josh and Vanessa went to the pharmacy in the hospital to get the prescribed drugs.

　　And we went home.

　　It was evening. Past seven pm.

　　Ethan had gone to bed after taking his drugs.

　　I was left alone in my room, thoughts I was trying so hard to block pushed into my mind, taking refuge there.

　　Feeling sadness and depression crawl in, knowing Vanessa was currently taking my place right now in Josh's bed, I dressed and snuck out of the house.

　　I hailed a taxi, deciding on a bar.

　　There were drinks I could get drunk on at home, but I wanted the fresh night breeze. The house was suffocating at this point.

　　I had some money saved on the few occasions I had been in charge of Ethan's wardrobe, saving what little money was left after getting him everything he needed on every single shopping trip.

　　I ordered my first shot of tequila.

　　Then another. And another.

　　By the sixth shot, I'd lost count and was drunk.

　　"Drinking all by yourself?"

　　I turned to see who it was, squinting my eyes at the figure, "hey, Kylian. Another shot." I slid the empty shot glass across the counter.

　　"You've had enough." The words sounded calm, but there was firm order underneath.

　　"No." I disagreed, pushing at him, only to end up stumbling.

　　I wobbled, falling into his arms.

　　My stomach churned. I held on to him.

　　Our eyes met, and locked in for a moment too long.

　　Then he lifted me into his arms, "let's get you away from the alcohol."

　　My body relied on his, intoxication reeling in my head and making thoughts woozy.

　　Clinging to his shoulder, eyes half closed and stomach churning violently, I heard the click of a door and then a darkly lit room.

　　My woozy brain managed to register my body being laid on a soft bed…

　　I held on tightly to his neck, grinning stupidly, "you're so handsome. I like to kiss handsome men."

　　A soft chuckle, "darling, you…"

　　I raised my head to jam my lips on his, cutting him off.

　　A groan left my dry lips. My eyes fluttered open, I winced, turning my head to the other side of the bed… "Ahh!"

　　I jolted up, an ache hitting my head in full force at the sudden movement.

　　It took me a second to register the face.

　　"K-kylian?" I mumbled, as though hoping this was a dream. "What…what are you doing here? Wh-where am I?"

　　"You look beautiful when you sleep." He commented, his mouth stretching in a flirtatious smile.

　　I raised the bedsheet and realized I was naked beneath the sheets. Panic came, fast and strong. "W-what…d-did…what happened last night?"

　　He brushed a strand off my face, "let's just say last night was… interesting."

　　He climbed out of the bed, "go take a shower and put on that new dress. Your clothes were ruined last night so I got one ordered for you this morning,"

　　"W-what… what happened to my clothes?" My eyes watched him move about the room easily yet with the arrogance of a man who knew what he was doing and where he was going.

　　"Like I said, last night was interesting." He winked, then proceeded to dress. "Plus your phone has been ringing non-stop since this morning. I had to switch it off."

　　Mouth slightly open, I saw the inked drawings on his ripped back, they kind of added to his allure.

　　I stopped myself. Allure? Shame on you, Roxanne.

　　I swallowed, looking away. Wrapping the sheets about me, I went into the bathroom and quickly had a shower.

　　Twenty minutes later, partly embarrassed and partly angry, he drove into the compound.

　　He turned off his engine, climbing out with me.

　　"What are you doing?" I narrowed my gaze at him.

　　"What? Since I'm here, I might as well say hi to my family."

　　I didn't like it, but I had no words of protest. So I hurried inside, with him behind.

　　"Where have you been?" Josh appeared frustrated, trying to calm a wailing Ethan.

　　Vanessa and Patricia helpless beside him.

　　"Mommy!" He left Josh to run up to me, "you said you wouldn't leave."

　　I hoisted him, kissing his temple — just below his bandage, "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't leave. I just went out."

　　He nodded, happy to have me back, "don't go, okay?"

　　"Okay, baby."

　　"What are you doing here, Kylian?"

　　"I came to say hi. Actually, I came to drop her off, then decided to say hi." He replied, eyes scanning Vanessa and looking away. "Good morning, mother."

　　"Go away, Kylian." Patricia dismissed him rudely.

　　He took no offense, and just tapped Josh on the shoulder, "see you later, man." To me, he said, green eyes twinkling, "see you soon, beautiful."

　　Then he left.

　　I shook my head, carrying Ethan upstairs.

　　Josh followed me, "You spent the night with Kylian?"

　　"Leave me alone, Josh." I ignored him.

　　"What are you doing with Kylian?"

　　I whirled on him, anger barely controlled, "stay out of my life, Josh. Yes, I spent the night with your brother, what are you going to do about it?!"