Chapter 3 3

My body doesn’t get used to the cold—the icy December water feels like hundreds of needles stabbing into me. As painful as it is, I won’t stop. I have a goal and I’m not going to abandon it.

My chest protests as my shivering body presses the boning of my corset into me. I keep moving forward, the water covers me past my chest, and my teeth won’t stop chattering. I can’t feel my toes, and it’s hard to move my hands. I keep advancing a little more, struggling to stay on the surface.

Each minute is like a grain falling from an hourglass, marking the countdown.

Little by little, my whole body goes numb, the cold clouds even my mind. Small clouds of breath escape my trembling lips.

There comes a moment when my feet feel so heavy that I stop moving them and remain still, letting my head sink, inch by inch.

Air rushes from me when I dive under. The shock of being fully in this cold water is brutal. The excess calm in it is even unsettling.

I sink slowly, suspended in the water, watching my hair float around me while neither my arms nor legs can make the effort to swim and rise to the surface. The cold stabs into me like ice stakes.

My chest protests. It burns, and I swear hands are pressing against it, compressing it.

I open my mouth involuntarily, searching for air and finding only water. I choke. A spasm shakes me, my vision blurs, and the weight of my body keeps dragging me deeper and deeper.

More spasms run through me, breaking the stillness of the water, and no matter how hard I try to move my arms, they don’t respond.

Even if I want to die, the survival instinct is strong, but I remind myself over and over that this is what I want.

My vision turns treacherous, showing me what looks like a face that vanishes as quickly as I blink.

The edges of my vision go dark, like the borders of a photograph burning.

“You must live, you have to live…”

The words are whispered in the water.

“You have to live, you must live.”

The weight of my eyelids gets heavier, and so does the feeling that something is coming toward me.

“This act of cowardice disappoints me.”

Something in those words makes me seethe.

They pour into me like acid corroding my veins.

A wave of shame overwhelms me.

I can’t do this. I can’t do this to my parents. To my siblings.

The Blood Covenant isn’t sealed—Tucker will have to enter the Red Auction because of me. I can’t condemn him to that—this is my burden, mine alone.

I try to open my eyes, to fight against the water, but it’s too late.

No matter how hard I try, my body refuses to respond.

“Stupid girl.”

Hysteria makes me open my mouth again, and water gushes into me, filling my lungs and silencing my screams.

Hair crosses my vision, wraps around my neck like a noose.

I look up and all I see is black. I’m far from the surface.

That mysterious face is getting closer, closer, closer...

I lose consciousness momentarily and when I come to, my face is against the shore of the lake, stained with wet dirt.

My dress still floats in the water, and my legs are still numb.

I press my elbows into the earth to drag what’s left of my body out of it.

My hands tremble, and when I glance at my fingers, I see they’re purple.

I roll onto my back, with the sky growing darker and the moon more present.

My breathing isn’t normal—it’s ragged, and my chest makes sounds of agony.

I try to bring my hands up to my mouth to try and warm them.

My legs don’t obey my commands, and my feet are a purplish hue.

The breeze shakes the treetops, and with it, a new whisper reaches me.

“Accept your fate.”

I look in every direction searching for the source of the voice, but only the trees and the lonely path answer me.

The words crash into me with weight, and my shoulders shake as I break into tears.

I’ve been so selfish, such a terrible daughter and sister…

I almost condemned my siblings to my fate and my family to disgrace.

I cover my eyes with my hands, trying to hold back the tears, but they come out with force, unwilling to stop.

I don’t know how long I'll stay sitting there before Tucker appears.

“Elara!” My brother’s steps grow louder and louder. “Elara! What happened?”

The warmth of his arms surrounds me, and instinctively, my hands try to cling to him, seeking comfort.

I bury my face in his chest, soaking his shirt with my hair and wet clothes.

He murmurs something I can’t make out while rocking us both gently.

“There, there, Elara… It’s okay now.”

I feel his fingers tangle in my hair as he strokes it.

His embrace is exactly what I needed—and I didn’t know it until this moment.

Small clouds of breath form in the air with each of my ragged breaths.

His hands massage my feet and ankles, trying to get my circulation back to normal and drive out the sickly color.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

I shake my head, and he doesn’t push.

That’s what I like about him, the bond we have, the mutual agreement not to push each other when the questions are too painful to answer.

We spend a long while on the shores of the lake—me clinging to him, trying to absorb some warmth, and him checking to make sure the circulation in my limbs returns to normal.

“I hope you know you’re going to cause quite a stir when we get home.”

One of his arms goes around my back, the other slides under my knees, and he lifts me from the ground.

“Mom and Dad are going to lose their minds when they see you like this.”

I nod. My parents will definitely make a fuss when they see me like this.

It’s obvious I’m already in trouble for not coming home before dark, and showing up like this isn’t going to make things better.