Chapter 10 Returning to the court

Allison

I almost turned around three separate times before I reached the tennis courts.

The first time was when I got out of bed, the second was when I arrived at the athletic center and the third time was when I actually saw the court.

Unfortunately, the coach had threatened to kick me off the team.

And unlike Bryan, Coach Lindsay didn't make empty threats. So there I was, standing at the entrance with my tennis bag hanging from my shoulder and trying not to throw up.

The courts looked exactly the same as they had been.

The nets, fences and benches.

Nothing had changed.

It suddenly felt as though the world had moved on while I remained stuck in that awful day.

My grip tightened around the strap of my bag.

My phone buzzed from my pocket and I pulled out my phone.

It was a ridiculously long text from Bryan and that made a long smile stretch across my face.

Bryan: Today is the day.

Bryan: You're going back.

Bryan: I'm proud of you.

Bryan: Don't let one bad day convince you that you're not amazing.

I scrolled further.

There were at least twelve more messages. A normal person would've summarized, but Bryan had never been a normal person.

My favorite part had been the phone call.

He'd somehow managed to wake me up despite being in a completely different country.

"You're overthinking it."

"I am not."

"You absolutely are."

"I'm literally just standing here."

"Exactly."

I rolled my eyes at the memory and that was when another message caught my attention.

Bryan: And if anyone gives you trouble, call me.

Bryan: I'll book a flight straight back. Not kidding

I chuckled because he was completely serious.

The idiot, The sweetest idiot in the world. I was tempted to text him and ask why he had suddenly become a motivational speaker.

A different notification sat beneath his messages.

It was from Sophie.

Sophie: If you cry, I'll cry.

Sophie: Then we'll both look ugly.

Sophie: Don't make me ugly.

I snorted. That had been her version of encouragement.

And oddly enough, it worked.

There was a smile on my face when I slipped my phone back into my pocket.

I then inhaled deeply.

I could do this.

I stepped through the gate and immediately regretted it.

People noticed immediately.

Conversations stopped, all heads turned and several whispers followed.

Some of them had a sympathetic expression on their face, some looked awkward and others looked looked somewhat judgmental.

One girl from the junior team gave me a look that practically screamed; ‘She deserved it.’

I looked away first and just then, the memories came back immediately.

Me standing on that court, missing shot after shot, losing, crying, breaking down in front of everyone and humiliating myself in front of my fellow teammates.

The entire thing felt like a nightmare I'd somehow survived.

"Smith."

I jumped.

Coach Lindsay stood nearby with her arms crossed.

"You came."

"I did."

"Good."

That was it, no mention of the last match or anything and I appreciated that.

Maybe she'd realized I didn't need another reminder of what happened or she decided that I was already punishing myself enough.

Either way, I was grateful.

"Warm up."

I nodded and then moved toward the courts.

The familiar routine felt strange at first. It was like putting on an old pair of shoes after months away.

Familiar, but not comfortable.

Abby wasn't present. She was probably preparing for the Regionals. Her absence was both a blessing and a curse.

I was grateful that I didn't have to face her but it also reminded me of my loss.

I tried to not think about it as I grabbed my phone, took a selfie and sent to the group chat where I had ‘My favorite people’. It was just Bryan and Sophie.

PS: they'd both hated when I made the group chat but neither of them left so I considered it a win.

I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes as though to visualize my aim.

“Come on Allison,” I muttered to myself and then began.

The first serve flew straight into the net and I winced.

The second wasn't much better.

It was on the third serve that I finally attained a small victory.

As practice continued, I slowly found a rhythm.

For the first time in weeks, my brain wasn't replaying the storage room or any incident at all. It focused only on tennis.

By the time practice ended, my shirt clung to my skin with sweat.

My muscles ached, my shoulder hurt and I was exhausted.

But I wasn’t miserable.

The realization caught me off guard.

I wasn't happy exactly. Maybe Coach Lindsay had been right, coming back was necessary, even if it hurts.

The other players gradually packed their things and left and I was grateful that none of them had bothered to talk to me. I wasn’t ready for a conversation now and there was the probability of them asking about Sean. Our breakup wasn’t exactly a secret.

I grabbed my water bottle and headed toward the parking lot.

I was already mentally preparing myself for the walk home when I spotted someone standing near a black car.

At first, I didn't think much of it. It was only when the the person looked up that I froze, my lips parting in surprise.

Was that…?

For a second, the rest of the world seemed to disappear.

Which was ridiculous, because it was just Kaden.

The very annoying and emotionless Kaden.

The distance between us wasn't particularly far, but it felt strangely significant.

It was like one of those scenes in the movies Sophie always forced me to watch.

The dramatic ones, the ones where the camera zoomed in and the music becomes loud and every other person would fade into the background, just looking at the two.

Not that this was like that, obviously.

Although he did seem like he had been waiting, which seems unlikely, given that he was him, the very robotic Kaden and I was me. He obviously wasn’t waiting for me.

“I…” I frowned, gripping my backpack tightly as I struggled to look for the right words.

My command of English suddenly felt useless.

“Buttercup,” he called and waved at me with the same annoying, emotionless tone he always used.

“Why are you here?” I found myself blurting out before I could stop myself.